Open Mic: Paper Control..

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   Just a quick one that ive typed whilst on the train home after a tough day..

Ho Ho Ho,stood the three girls on the corner dressed in red, 
In Soho London,a seedy world where vice and tears are bred,
Low on dough,insults hurled & thrown ppl begging for bread,
A shameless place with no remorse and ppl are left for dead, 
Brainless,they run this course hardened emotions are dredged,
Aimless,with no opportunity forced with every broken pledge,
Understand pavements or sidewalks here aren't pathed in gold,
A man's plight cements nothing but talk,this shit is getting old,
The plan must be to torment,with callous acts which run cold,
And Ham's are hell bent,pourin scorn on a gvrmt without a soul,
Their scam is a guise of suits & scent,with money being the goal,
Man burns man,in persuit of a bankroll,then ready the pit or hole,
Either they leave us in dirt like fools gold,or turns us to charcoal,
Then dig us up for coal,using our kin via their money as control, 

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Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Paper Control.. Posted: 15 January 2018 at 6:26pm
	Just a quick one that ive typed whilst on the train home after a tough day.. Ho Ho Ho,stood the three girls on the corner dressed in red, In Soho London,a seedy world where vice and tears are bred, Low on dough,insults hurled & thrown ppl begging for bread, A shameless place with no remorse and ppl are left for dead, Brainless,they run this course hardened emotions are dredged, Aimless,with no opportunity forced with every broken pledge, Understand pavements or sidewalks here aren't pathed in gold, A man's plight cements nothing but talk,this shit is getting old, The plan must be to torment,with callous acts which run cold, And Ham's are hell bent,pourin scorn on a gvrmt without a soul, Their scam is a guise of suits & scent,with money being the goal, Man burns man,in persuit of a bankroll,then ready the pit or hole, Either they leave us in dirt like fools gold,or turns us to charcoal, Then dig us up for coal,using our kin via their money as control,
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 January 2018 at 8:14pm
	You had some very interesting ideas and references in this one, Crim. Even the title was intriguing, albeit rather direct (which can be good, though). I really liked the first half of the verse, the way you started off with a nice balance of relevant details and some descriptive, vivid imagery while still maintaining a rather direct tone was great to see. I thoroughly loved the 'suits and scent' part, I think it's a very unique combination and description for the broader theme you were going for here, but I wish you'd have expanded on it further rather than concluding with a somewhat statement-ish tone. The schemes you employed were nice, especially in the beginning. It kind of (slightly) shifted towards a more unconventional approach as some of the slants didn't really work for me but I think that's more of an accent thing than anything else, really. It's impressive to see an even greater progression with every drop you post, especially considering the shortness of this one. Nice read overall.

spume corrupt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote spume corrupt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 January 2018 at 8:49pm
	It’s short and sweet brother plus definitely thought provoking considering it’s short stature I love the way you just hit the pen anytime you feel like, even when you on the road! I used to do that shit all the time, never without my jotter and ink It’s good work how you try to incorporate many literary tools in your pieces these days Like the subtle word plays I noticed, even straight from the jump with the opening words Plus the work you do to keep the scheme engaging Good shit fam but you already know I’m gonna try pass on some knowledge right! So consider the closing two lines? CHARCOAL/COAL? Really bro Be careful of words that seem repetitive! They could be look at as a lack of effort/ability and except in the right circumstances never help flow One love my main Keep on keeping on