Open Mic: â–Œpersecutoryâ–Œdelusionsâ–ŒKeyed |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 14 February 2018 at 5:21pm |
tomorrow brings,
much sorrow of dreams hollow it seems I borrow beliefs delusions peaked Kilimanjaro screams spiraling scenes outta control bound to bleed Reality's unknown Insanity provoked savagery peaked my shadows untold blasphemic beliefs That's it, im gonna explode a fake perception of hope Let it go another episode my soul paints plundering goals no balance of hope inaccurate decisions Voices say grab the rope "We have disastrous predictions" Manic as shit laughing at these magical visions bantering at physicians My position is different, two minds on a mission taking my life was a split decision |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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This was a slick read and the flow was as smooth as blown glass,i liked the other
side of the coin aspect here,(like a poetical Jeckle & Hyde scenario),and the title was apt too,it beckoned me to read like a light to a Moth,i liked this sort of double exposure/split perception theme you had here,i also found this to be refreshingly original also via its contents,I've noticed of late theirs a more direct vibe to your writing,you seem to have dropped controversial content for an enduring one,and dare i say this more mature essence to your writing is evident,highly enjoyable read for me brother man...peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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thanks c dog. Noticed after the key some repeating end rhymes and a slip on flow mid way through. Hit me up in pm for a collabo brothaman.
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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I thought this was pretty dope fam
But you already know I like this style When you say “that’s it I’m gonna explode “ I’m with you right there!!!! You are good with keys and this felt natural... Very solid with the flow from the gate then kinda just falls off a little towards the end The closing punchline needed a set up for the WOW Factor... even some wordplay would have done it Nice read fam |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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sup diz, long time no see fam
this was a dope little joint here. Admittedly, im not the biggest fan of this format, but, when done right i certainly appreciate it, and i feel this was handled meticulously and with a careful hand. the way you wrote inside, then outside of the scheme gave each line a voice. That was actually a really smart attack on the schemes. . . just a nice read man
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