Open Mic: â–Œpersecutoryâ–Œdelusionsâ–ŒKeyed

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daydizzle89 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 February 2018 at 5:21pm
tomorrow brings,
much sorrow of dreams
hollow it seems
I borrow beliefs
delusions peaked
Kilimanjaro screams
 spiraling scenes
outta control
bound to bleed
Reality's unknown
Insanity  provoked
savagery peaked
my shadows untold
blasphemic beliefs
That's it, im gonna explode
a fake perception of hope
Let it go
another episode
my soul paints plundering goals
no balance of hope
inaccurate decisions
Voices say grab the rope
"We have disastrous predictions"
Manic as shit
laughing at these magical visions
bantering at physicians
My position is different, two minds on a mission
taking my life was a split decision



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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2018 at 7:43pm
This was a slick read and the flow was as smooth as blown glass,i liked the other
side of the coin aspect here,(like a poetical Jeckle & Hyde scenario),and the title
was apt too,it beckoned me to read like a light to a Moth,i liked this sort of double
exposure/split perception theme you had here,i also found this to be refreshingly
original also via its contents,I've noticed of late theirs a more direct vibe to your
writing,you seem to have dropped controversial content for an enduring one,and
dare i say this more mature essence to your writing is evident,highly enjoyable
read for me brother man...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 February 2018 at 10:56pm
thanks c dog. Noticed after the key some repeating end rhymes and a slip on flow mid way through. Hit me up in pm for a collabo brothaman.
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 March 2018 at 9:45pm
I thought this was pretty dope fam
But you already know I like this style

When you say “that’s it I’m gonna explode “
I’m with you right there!!!! You are good with keys and this felt natural...
Very solid with the flow from the gate then kinda just falls off a little towards the end

The closing punchline needed a set up for the WOW Factor... even some wordplay would have done it

Nice read fam

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 March 2018 at 2:44am
sup diz, long time no see fam 

this was a dope little joint here. Admittedly, im not the biggest fan of this format, but, when done right i certainly appreciate it, and i feel this was handled meticulously and with a careful hand. the way you wrote inside, then outside of the scheme gave each line a voice. That was actually a really smart attack on the schemes. . . just a nice read man
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