for asylum
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14916
Printed Date: 19 April 2024 at 5:47am
Topic: for asylum
Posted By: DDD
Subject: for asylum
Date Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:55pm
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yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/
talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/ yo you most be on crack and when you spit there's no claps/ i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/ i'm gonna eat you for a snack why cause your rap is crap/ keep yo mind on track if you don't wanna get slapped/ i've cut you to much slack i'm about to blow you off the map/ cut all that yack i'll ignore you like stupid apps/ ------------- hit me up DDD |
Replies:
Posted By: G-Pfeif
Date Posted: 04 May 2008 at 11:31pm
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the simplicity of your rhymes amuses me.... luckily for me, i was never this terrible, so I have no problem making fun of you... quit now... youre embarrasing yourself ------------- <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/G-Pfeif/SuckaMCTo-DoList.png" /> "I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City" "Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks" |
Posted By: Fatal
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 12:21am
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Whats a "stupid app?" -------------  |
Posted By: Swift Styles
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:56am
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like i said b4.. crack the dictionary or thesaurus... or at least use rhymezone or something.. too basic... not at all fun to read -------------  |
Posted By: Cee-Jay Outlaw
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 5:04am
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and i thought i was bad when i look back now!
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Posted By: Swift Styles
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 10:55am
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^your sig is whack... ------------- |
Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 11:54am
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well u did manage to improve your rhyme scheme a bit yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/ talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/ _____A____A _____A____A good now jus change the rhyme word.. try lookin for bigger words.. small word are ez to get thats why these ppl find it basic.. use more like assassinated/fascinated (assas-sin-ated/fas-cin-ated) ... u can look at other ppl spit.. and jus use there rhyme word to get started.. ------------- 
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Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:22pm
...^^^^why it gotta be all that???^..did he fuck your girl or sumthin? smh
back to DDD
i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/
that was the best line, you need shit like that throughout the whole verse, try to spit something more shocking, try to amuse these dickheads a lil'
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G-Pfeif wrote:Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 7:55pm
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Chain = Herb - So don't take his opinion
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Posted By: hanGing
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 7:57pm
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Take his opinion..
(Chains that is)
Every opinion is valid.. It's how you take them that counts.
(Though ignore Dal.. I do daily) -------------  |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 8:31pm
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No it aint... Thats just preserving his feelings, You don't get better with people being nice to u, you get better with people being critical of u... all in all, ram had the best post in this thread, which is terrible :P really tho -------------
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Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 8:37pm
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best post.. which is terrible??? well your is shitter than mine so u win :P -------------
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Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 9:23pm
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Huh ?...
*anyway*
Yo, 3D... when you get to the moments of "closing" your bars, try to get multies at the ends (and all over in yur bars, eventually)....
Like:
..... ...... ..... ..... ..... Throw you a bar to feed off
..... ...... ..... ..... ..... Blow me hard, then "clean me off"
"mirror-ing" your bars can add complexity and originality to your ish as well...
This makes the rhyme-scheme that much more appealing - and at the same time,
these anal-retentive feeds might subside. But yeah, like Chain said -
try to spit something to amuse these dickheads a lil'
and... no one makes the A-list in one day.
Stay Up, 3D...
One ['1] ------------- <font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Fatal
Date Posted: 06 May 2008 at 12:27am
What your saying is right, but the example was shit. You tried to do a 7 syllable multie but the rhymes didnt match up! Lol...Ill show you: "THROW You A BAR" and "BLOW Me HARD"...The "blow me hard doesnt match up considering the "throw you a bar" had 4 syllables...Now you can have imperfect multies (which refers to not EVERY word rhyming but the stressed words DO) I bolded the rhymes that you stressed. And they do not match. And since that was fucked, so was the next part: "To FEED OFF" and "Then CLEAN Me OFF"...See what i mean? Your syllables are mismatched. Here's an example of an imperfect multie wit perfect syllables matching up. I'll use your first line:
to THROW you a BAR to FEED OFF my FLOW is so HARD, you NEED GOD See how the stressed words you used are now matching? Hope this helps out a bit.... ------------- |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 06 May 2008 at 4:24am
wow! .....so i'm a herb now? lol
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Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 06 May 2008 at 5:23am
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YEA!!!!!! FUCK YOU GOIN DO ABOUT IT... J/K -------------
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Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:02pm
My bad... I stand corrected. I gave a bad example, and thanx for "clarifying".
Don't get the impression that I didn't know wut I was talking about... but, yeah... thanx, Fatal. ------------- <font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR] |
Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:04pm
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Wait, was this a try-out or a diss? Either way, you need a bit of work on your stuff DDD, and ignore Dal, he can get a bit pissy when he things someone's trying to insult him.... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:08pm
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i wasn't being pissy, I knew this wasn't a diss, it was a tryout... I was just being critical... tbh the best feedback points out whats done wrong, as oppose to whats done right... hater
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Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:12pm
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Ok, so if it's a tryout, I vote "no," even though I know we aitn a democracy oh illustrious Dal-I Lllama... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:19pm
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lol...dude, get online...
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Posted By: Swift Styles
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:23pm
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and you cant call him that... ive already named him everything in the book DALlas Texas RTanger.... DAL-O-Rama, Daltoids... ect ------------- |
Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:34pm
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I am online dal, how the fuck you think i'm posting? Telepathy? ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:40pm
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stfu, i meant online on msn... smart ass
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Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:41pm
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Maybe later, I'm in the middle of a hardcore "procrastination" session, and you always interrupt those... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:49pm
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lol... damn right i interupt...make u do work chump...
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Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 11:16pm
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fuckin assLump faggit spilling there cunt juice.. bunch of homo's... jus kiddin..
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Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 11:31pm
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ur gonna make me diss the fade...
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Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 11:36pm
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LOL @ this shit being said in here. ------------- <font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Fatal
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 1:22am
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Tig, where the fuck you been dude? Locked up again? ------------- |
Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:33am
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Word, then I had no net for a while. Back'n active again though. Although I can't be fucked dropping much text so when it happens it'll happen, apart from that don't exect much in the way of verses. ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:35am
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alright, geez, you dont have to go on about it...no one asked for your life story or anything
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Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:38am
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Noone asked for your particular branch of surrealist art either Salvatore Dal-i, aint stop u showin us though.... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: dalinquent
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:43am
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hey, I'm an artistic genius...whats ur excuse?
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Posted By: SwordedStylez
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:54am
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You bored me into inane randomised thought proccesses, so when it comes down to it it's still your fault. ------------- https://soundcloud.com/lostblueeyes" rel="nofollow - Music Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
Posted By: Fatal
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 2:55pm
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Lol...lovers quarrels... ------------- |
Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 2:59pm
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LOL ------------- <font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR] |