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1st Rap

Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22852
Printed Date: 28 March 2024 at 8:42pm


Topic: 1st Rap
Posted By: Mathematics
Subject: 1st Rap
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 10:48pm
I infiltrate, every state, state of the union address,
Go all over the world, Go Far listening to Mobb Deep, 
run back in town cause the freaks come out at night, 
Wake up you were asleep, government killing 10 K with no hesitation,
Living A Luxury, Government Taxing,Killing With an even pleasure,
Civilians Screwed, Mostly die, Blood Money, Employers nothing to pay, 
government think its all funny. Education is the future, No One believe it, 
said i'll compare to shit, don't know my wrongs from my wrong, 
i need to earn my facts governments never looking back, 
face it, there spacing themselves from terrorist, But dealing underground, 
Government selling weapons pound for pound,
But the public don't hear a sound.



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-Felix



Replies:
Posted By: Cee-Jay Outlaw
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 10:50pm
dude please structure your verse... its hella annoying to read when its in one massive paragraph like that cos its impossible to find the rhymes.

if its not structured ideally noone will give you feedback cos noone wants to read a fucking essay.. and work out the lines for themselves, when you structure we get the rhymes, the multis and the flow...


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Posted By: Mathematics
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 10:56pm
Like That?

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-Felix


Posted By: Cee-Jay Outlaw
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 11:00pm
much better yeah, i'll feed in a sec dude

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Posted By: Mathematics
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 11:07pm
oh Alright n thanks For the advice

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-Felix


Posted By: Cee-Jay Outlaw
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 11:28pm
nothing seems to rhyme at the end bro but you have content stuff on  lock down down... but you need to get rhymes in there bro

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Posted By: Psycho Tick
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 11:29pm
what rhyme scheme u using bro? i cant see hardly any rhymes, maybe its my accent. so dont wanna neg feed if its me


Posted By: Psycho Tick
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 11:30pm
sorry just saw cee jays, yeah it needs to rhyme bro its crucial


Posted By: Mathematics
Date Posted: 12 July 2012 at 3:47am
Aha yea i know but i was just brain dead, i'll try better

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-Felix



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