#LAeXecution (The Assassination of Trizzy Tre)
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28367
Printed Date: 24 April 2024 at 3:24am
Topic: #LAeXecution (The Assassination of Trizzy Tre)
Posted By: -Orion-
Subject: #LAeXecution (The Assassination of Trizzy Tre)
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:21pm
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Well over 1,000 views in 24 hours #bOxOffice Shawn vs Orion Mike #getmOney Claim you a http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/missing-lax-battle_topic28207.html" rel="nofollow - finance man , but you don't act right 'Cuz you only controlling 'Big accounts' on a fuckin' RAP SITE You stuck in that basement, dreamin' of the bank life But the most action you ever had is with a JPEG of Manc's wife This ho's phoney Like Kim Jong-Il, career/Korea bluffin' when really he http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ" rel="nofollow - SO RONERY I'll savage this kid http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/manc-orion_topic28294.html" rel="nofollow - Pussied out of unlimited , this faggot's scrambling for his pre-write worse than http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh642eCE4438NFVE7V" rel="nofollow - Canibus did He'll have Belt and Essay bars...I could predict this sleepin' I'll make this fake Jada bitch leave like I was http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/will-smith-jada-pinkett-smith-cheating-scandal-sexy-photos-costar__oPt.jpg" rel="nofollow - Will Smith creepin' Hate the way you always sayin' 'bruh' like a total fag You tried http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/stylin-onem-trizzy-tre-various-la-artists_topic26811.html?KW=" rel="nofollow - Stylin' and were WEAKEST on your OWN COLLAB The way I lyrically http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099422/" rel="nofollow - dick Tre see Warren Beatty wanna play me While http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/crews/vis-maior-21/" rel="nofollow - Point promoted Fuck ABOVE you 'cuz he KNOWS ya shady! That Manc shit you pulled was sly as fuck man http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104868/" rel="nofollow - Emilio Estevez called and he wants his Mighty Duck back Triz on six figures? It's time he confesses He only makin' big digits changin' IP addresses You so broke, can't even pay respects And the only http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/missing-lax-battle_topic28207_page2.html" rel="nofollow - E Class you got is when teacher's gradin' A to F You gonna call me washed up but ya speakin' outta place Fix up that trailer shower Shawn and wipe ya semen off ya face Ya leavin' in disgrace, all crazy on my dick So you might have to call me Affleck the way I made this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Garner" rel="nofollow - Alias my BITCH #yOugOtbOdied
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Replies:
Posted By: DressToKill
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:28pm
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Can't hate, wording is flawless and that's the seperation from "that was nice" to "that was a kill shot". I've learned from this, thanks. ------------- The original comeback kid |
Posted By: Vib.Klean
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:33pm
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dead @ the opener and the whole shit was nuts, trizzy tre=decapitated R.I.P. ------------- 
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Posted By: Titu
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:34pm
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Daymm!!! No way he could win..<<<<. (trizz hoe-showed and proved this fact) Flawless... Each and every punch was banging... RIP trizzzzzzz zz zz ------------- Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head. |
Posted By: Kosmosis
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:36pm
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Not bad. The opener and closer were dooope. I doubt he responds. ------------- Receiving backhanded compliments from Orion since 11-28-13. |
Posted By: fuckoff
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:38pm
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opener was sickness and the next bar. very cool to see you back in action. savage verse -------------  |
Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:41pm
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oh shit so many punches.. almost every bar i read is personally hitting hard. dude is bodied for sure/. |
Posted By: Titu
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:53pm
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Rate the fucking thread up!!!!!! ------------- Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head. |
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 19 November 2013 at 11:58pm
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Big ups O, first battle verse I've got to read from you and it definitely lives up to your reputation -------------  |
Posted By: U.N.L.M.
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 12:04am
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Well done. You already know it was more than enough...liked the closer and emilio estevez bar...would've been great to see unlimited but I guess it's a good thing considering he didn't even bother to show up. ------------- 
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Posted By: Point Blank
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 12:20am
| Boom |
Posted By: Dougysnuggy
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 12:58am
| Bang? |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 2:54am
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I almost forgot how to log in and shit. anyway... I dug the verse... the Warren Beatty line was my shit..altho I prefered Bugsy... he was rock solid in that joint.. I didn't like 'Jada Bitch'...prolly cause I didnt understand why you had to add bitch... but could just be my ignorance. you handled yo binnos..and im prolly the last sumbitch you expected to peep this. but im glad I did. and who told Shawn I said he could come outside? |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 4:40am
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Folks really need to read that first bar and just sit back and soak it in for minute. That's how you do it right there, that's a dope bar. Bank life/ Manc's wife was a solid punch as was that "making digits" play. Also enjoyed some of the humourous references in this, I wasn't expecting those lol but made for an entertaining read for me. I'm glad to see you get back at it and show these new guys you still got it. Well played. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 12:33pm
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sO annoying that the video wasn't working (it worked fine in the battle post)... Thankfully Scotty just fixed it now... If you haven't watched it, I strongly urge you to do so...if a picture speaks a thousand words, I don't even know how many that video covers off...#epic Oh and...thanks for the feedback...fsha
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: mcwoods
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 1:57pm
| Top quality. Verse itself was heat. Tons of solid punches/personals, great flow, liked the short set ups, wording was on point. Additionally, I think Triz pretty much dug his own grave, after the whole LA X thing, the Manc no show, the Manc Diss, his return and this no show. Whoever battled him had enough personals on him to bury him, dig him up, bury him, dig him up and bury him again. This whole game is quite dependant on persona, character and presence. O has this in abundance and Triz has assassinated his own with the help of Manc & O. The whole set up, the video, the add ons etc. Takes everything to the next level. Was hoping for a tyson speech interlude, but the video itself tells the story. Thought this could have been a great battle, but no doubting the outcome. |
Posted By: Titu
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 2:39pm
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Video is not working for me due to known reasons. (but thats only me) Can i have the link? ------------- Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head. |
Posted By: The Law
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 3:03pm
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haha that opener, Wow.. Straight flames right there. Very direct and worded perfectly. Punch and personal wise you were relentless with it, nonstop attacking. However, I did think in some bars, ronery and cannibus ones for example was off on flow while I was reading. It is most likely just due to accent or the way that I am reading it though. Dick Tracy wordplay was nice also haha. Definitely a dope verse here O. You may have got me going a little bit on the notepad again with this.
-------------  |
Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 3:31pm
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I'll drop proper feed soon as - it's pointless doin it on my phone right now. But just wanted to say, the ronery bar was a killer n is obviously born out of Kim Jong Ils accent in 'Team America'. People might be reading it wrong for the pronounciation - but it's is said the same as 'lonely', but obviously with the Rs instead of the Ls. Pronounced 'roan-ree'. Dope verse tho - will feed it more later. |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 10:22pm
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them punches...  ------------- |
Posted By: fuckoff
Date Posted: 20 November 2013 at 10:29pm
lol gif and a half  ------------- |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 21 November 2013 at 6:14pm
Thanks everybody
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsSaz1YMkls" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsSaz1YMkls Hopefully it explains itself ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Titu wrote:Posted By: Brotha Goose
Date Posted: 21 November 2013 at 6:25pm
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Can't take a damn thing away from ya here O, this shit was fire. I mean I started feelin bad for the guy like halfway through, he's just burnt now. Gud shit fam ------------- 
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Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 6:57am
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I came by to pay my respects..but I put my two cents in Shawns change cup outside the pool hall on forgotten memory lane youll have to settle for an "uppin"...its a rough economy ------------- #Bananas 
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Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 1:11pm
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------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Brotha Goose
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 1:12pm
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^^^^ROTFL -------------
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Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 1:53pm
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Ok, I need to feed this properly before it disappears into the depths of the archives. Lyrical murder!! I mean, he more or less dug a fat arse hole in the ground, put a cardboard casket in there, stabbed himself repeatedly and fell perfectly into the void that became his tomb. I came along before he drew his last breath, gripped him by his bum chin and throat slammed him back into that hole. Then you pissed all over him till that cardboard became all soggy... then bounced on his head 10 times for good measure. I personally think he actually experienced real physical chest pains when he read this, cuz you brutalized him in the nastiest way. I can honestly say with my hand on my black heart, that there aint one line I could be picky about. No shit! And LOL @ people talking like you'd lost touch with battling. That dunt happen as far as I'm concerned. The BG opener was the kiss of death. The line about my girls pic was jokes lol. How the fuck could he have bettered this?? He couldn't ave. Plain n simple. I came away from reading this feeling like you more than dealt with him. Call it necessary overkill if you like. But very entertaining overkill. The OVERkill being that your opening bars already had him body bagged and toe tagged. Fuckin loved it!!
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Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 3:42pm
That shit just leaned me. |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 10:59pm
Damn Trizz.... ------------- |
Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 26 November 2013 at 12:29am
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TYSON!!! TYSON!!! TYSON!!! ------------- 
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Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 26 November 2013 at 12:40am
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If Triz was me, there wouldn't have been a no show! Would you like to battle Shawn, Orion? How about we set that up because even though I am probably more annoyed than you are to even see triz's name, I am even MORE annoyed that somehow I am associated with this. What do ya say Orion, let's battle. I mean, it's only right. You keep mentioning my name, now it's time to really man up. Fuck it, you too Neek. See people get shit twisted. it's not about how much shit you can talk, like Neek for instance. It's about how ya battle. I demand a match with Orion and then Neek. And don't try no wiggle shit, cos y'all started this! Fuck triz! |
Posted By: Jay Homicide
Date Posted: 26 November 2013 at 12:49am
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Rofl @ you demanding shit. I didn't think you were Trizz, but like others I found the timings of you too a little weird. You'd get banned, then he'd show up. Then you'd come back, and he'd disappear. Which was a trend that went on. Was a little strange, so it's not too farfetched for people to think. |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 26 November 2013 at 12:51am
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Is that what it is? I feel like Triz is a bum so it's kind of disrespectful to me, lol.
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Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 27 November 2013 at 1:00am
this is my first post on here. but jeez...I dont really see this pattern youre talking about. its not like we're explaining how time travel works... so easy pattern is easy and I dont see it ------------- #Bananas
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Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 27 November 2013 at 1:02am
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p.s... I never said you can come outside Shawn. ------------- #Bananas
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Posted By: fuckoff
Date Posted: 27 November 2013 at 2:26am
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*could come outside and your first post made no sense either. are you high? ------------- |
Posted By: wreckless
Date Posted: 28 November 2013 at 8:05am
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OK.... I'm gonna do something it seems a lot of niggas on here don't want to do. I'm gonna give an unbiased constructive review on this drop as a whole. Claim you a finance man, but you don't act right 'Cuz you only controlling 'Big accounts' on a fuckin' RAP SITE ^ killer... IF... and thats a big IF it is fully confirmed truth... sick personal in that case or a miss if it's a false shot. But the most action you ever had is with a JPEG of Manc's wife ^ So I guess you're saying hes a virgin? Real talk kind of blah... Like Kim Jong-Il, career/Korea bluffin' when really he SO RONERY ^ I like the career/Korea aspect but 90% of the niggas on here complain that this is forced normally when coming from anyone but you. Long story short your punch is saying he's lonely? Blah... Pussied out of unlimited, this faggot's scrambling for his pre-write worse than Canibus did ^ This was nice... hard hitting... feeling this bar I'll make this fake Jada bitch leave like I was Will Smith creepin' ^ I get that it's a pink slip battle but this was a soft punch... You tried Stylin' and were WEAKEST on your OWN COLLAB ^ Decent shot, stating he was the weakest on it is a matter of opinion. But I like the punch regardless. While Point promoted Fuck ABOVE you 'cuz he KNOWS ya shady! ^ Missed personal attempt in my eyes. The Dick tre see shit was sick, but the follow up could of been made so much better as a personal if attacked in a different way. Emilio Estevez called and he wants his Mighty Duck back ^ So you're calling him out on ducking the battle with Manc, again could of been attacked in a better way. He only makin' big digits changin' IP addresses ^ Pretty much the same as bar one except a softer hit. And the only E Class you got is when teacher's gradin' A to F ^ Nice... solid hitting... clean personal Fix up that trailer shower Shawn and wipe ya semen off ya face ^ Bland and basic.... A lot of people on here constantly drop lines like this on here "wipe ya semen off ya face" and it gets called out for being basic all the time. Orion does it and it's sick? So you might have to call me Affleck the way I made this Alias my BITCH ^ Decent closer, feeling it... but again it hits harder if it is 100% confirmed he's an alias of Big Game... if not it becomes more of a filler shot, which hurts a closer. Overly All - It was a decent verse but the overall reaction to it is clearly overly done. I think if you actually reread the verse from an unbiased perspective, say I, Nigma, Arthur, Manc, Levy, or anyone else dropped this verse do you honestly think it would of gotten the heavy.... HEAVY... amount of love that this received? I'm not saying it was bad or even average. It was a decent verse but I have seen harder hitting verses dropped. (granted with fewer bars) It was a sick battle verse but had some lines that seemed bland especially when I look at someone with your reputation. Take this feed back however you want. I'm sure I'm gonna receive hate from you or someone else for speaking about this verse not being the greatest verse ever constructed but meh... -------------  Lex Star the Outlaw |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 28 November 2013 at 7:24pm
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I really don't feel the need to defend this piece...its status is obvious And the below is not 'hate'...especially not by my standards But you're trying too hard Many people in this thread say the same shit you just did - maybe less pretentiously - about other shit from me...so that's your theory busted that this is all my assimilated legion of dickryders (Incidentally, to these people who speak like you are, I tend to say, wtf do you expect...think objectives and think competition...does it do what it needed to do and does it do it better than any competition?... Well, yes...and if you think not...show me better, please, 'lol') People have said the shit you're saying since day one, so much so I went to three or four other sites, unknown, battled the top heads...never lost Objectively, there's not much more I could do to prove my point even if I wanted to You called the verse sick, yet spent most of the time criticising it. Do you honestly think your breakdown was an accurate way to asses the quality of the verse? Shall I go read your feedback elsewhere? Again...show me better...please...I'm dying to see it... Just so I can understand whether you know your shit, you're a hater, or you're just one of those (albeit intelligent) socially challenged types who in the absence of being better, just insists on being contrary Would those bunch of guys have received the same feedback if they had dropped this? That bunch of guys wouldn't have dropped this so it's a stupid fucking question isn't it really. I mean no disrespect but don't even try and act like they are capable of dropping anything anywhere near this - show me something, go on The only one from your list who did drop something like this - Manc - received equally positive feedback from several people, including me Someone who regularly drops top-of-the-line shit - Chain - receives equally positive feedback from several people, including me Sometimes sick is just sick...deal with it...try enjoying it a little bit instead of trying to denigrate it in some way for the see-saw effect you think it'll have on you All that said and I haven't even got into what you actually said... I could break down your breakdown, not just with the shit you clearly don't know well enough to appreciate but also with the couple critiques that are frankly just funny...but I won't, because this post is long enough already ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: wreckless
Date Posted: 28 November 2013 at 11:45pm
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Please, feel free to breakdown my breakdown if you feel that's needed. I don't know Triz in any way shape or form as you yourself can see when I joined and he was already ghost from the site. Vis Major themselves have been calling triz out on bitch shit he pulled. Even I have "clowned him" to an extent for the no showing garbage he pulled. So my opinion is far from biased against you or towards him. I was just stating what I feel is an unbiased opinion. I don't doubt that you have gone to other sites and dominated, or dominated here for that matter. But say for critique purposes, lets bring up the bar that I guess you could say I was hardest on. You gonna call me washed up but ya speakin' outta place Please explain to me what I'm missing from this bar alone if you don't want to do a full breakdown of my reply. From what I'm see your stating he either sucks dick or is receiving a facial. Either way its alright clowning I guess but far from anything hard hitting. Overly all I respect the verse and the quality of it. I enjoyed the read, not once did you see that I claimed the "battle verse" was weak. I stated that the over hype on the verse felt excessive which I have to wonder if it's do to the fact of you're name as opposed to the actually quality of the drop. Name something thats better? Arthurs verse in his battle against me I felt was better then this in a bar by bar basis, and that was used against me. lol Granted his was 6 bars and not 12 as this was, so maybe if he dropped twice as many the quality would of dropped. But judging it against this verse, overly all I would gladly say his 6 beat the 6 best that was used in this. Mind you fam, I'm just stating my opinion on all this and am in no way meaning to sound like I'm hating cause that is definitely not what I am trying to imply. ------------- Lex Star the Outlaw |
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 1:17am
------------- |
Posted By: Vib.Klean
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 1:49am
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just want to give some more blessing to this piece -------------
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Posted By: Arthur
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 2:02am
| LOL @ Nigma! That's exactly my thoughts too. |
Posted By: wreckless
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 3:12am
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lol
------------- Lex Star the Outlaw |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 4:07pm
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Your crew is called Vis Maior, not Major...btw...you can thank me later, now I've said it here, it's like 30% less effective as punch for whoever ends up using it first And I never implied (or meant to imply) that the nature of your feedback had anything to do with an allegiance to Triz... I can see that many people had an allegiance to Triz right up until the last minute, but they dropped it...so I know that's not the issue Re: your 'extended feedback' ...Fully explained, it is a play on 'washed up'. So I start by pre-empting that he would call me washed up or similar (many people do...contrary to your belief that I float around here on nothing but exceptional praise). I transition that into him being dirty, in terms of hygiene, which is a running joke played on BG from when he posted his pic (I couldn't find it). He looked pretty dirty and the 'in-joke' was that he lives in a trailer and spends a lot of time...with himself. So it's relevant and it's personal, and designed for those with a sense of humour to have a little laugh before I wind up for the closer Of all the shit I had on the cutting room floor, I could have worked in plenty of my other material that would have run less risk of being deemed 'played' and may have appeared more 'complex' But I have never been one to pander to ensuring everybody knows just how smart I am by putting in as much complex material as possible... I think it's just as important to be funny, and I think the the mere mention of 'semen' doesn't make a bar completely played or completely immature or completely unfunny I think a lot of people on sites like this hold that opinion specifically because of the way they are 'educated' online to compartmentalise everything...so 'semen' goes in the 'played/immature' category...that's how a lot of your feedback came across in general I haven't read Arthur's verse against you and I don't have time now, but when I'm next on, I'll check it out... I have heard good things about him so I'm sure it was good... I'll be back with my feedback And I don't think it's 'necessary' to break down your breakdown, as I say I think the verse speaks for itself. What I really dislike is that people can't come into my drops and say they are shit hot without someone like you ready and waiting to call them a dickryder...that shit sucks, and I guess that's one of the reasons so many people tend to (again, this drop is a pretty rare exception for being almost universally extremely positive) downplay, not necessarily because they themselves are 'haters', but because they think if they just say they really enjoyed it, someone will use that against them and turn them into a 'dickryder'... The only reason I would have to break down your breakdown is simply to help you better understand Tell you what, once I've read Arthur's and hopefully got a better understanding of what your perspective actually is...I'll see whether me breaking down my verse will do you any good Ez ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Arthur
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 4:12pm
| i can see myself being dragged into this and i don't want to be. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 9:25pm
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Dragged into what? What is wrong with people... a guy writes a post over two lines long that isn't about a troll and isn't a verse or a vote and all of a sudden it's called a bitch-fight We are both being completely civil here, I have no beef with this guy, he is clearly smart and can stand his ground...which is the only reason I'm engaging with him I'm not sitting here all like 'OMG U SED ARTHUR BETTER THAN ME'...and I'm not gearing up to hook off on you and trample all over your verse when I read it To be honest I think this exchange is the kind of shit people SHOULD be reading...to ACTUALLY elevate...it may not be feedback on their latest shitty Open Mic that everybody tells them is good, followed by some friendly, universal cliche like 'keep elevating', but it is a discussion, more holistically/philosophically, around what is and isn't good lyrically...there's shit to be learnt if anyone wants to listen But if people are just gonna presume it's a bitch-fight and presume I'm all over this guy for not liking my shit (honestly, if I did this with everyone who was ever negative about me, I'd never do anything else...I ignore so much more than you people seem to realise) and/or if he's all over me because he hates me or because he's an alias (and I'm not saying either are the case) then it's whatever...it's their loss...they can go back to their own shit and 'keep elevating'...but don't make out this is something it ain't...if you've got a view, speak on it... You haven't posted in here before now, when your name came up, after all Anyway, home shit just fucked up my night, so I'm here and I may as well get over to your verse now ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Arthur
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 9:29pm
| Ok, fair point. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 10:40pm
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OK So this is a delicate one because obviously I'm gonna try and make my point without being a dick, and hopefully illustrating that I am being objective...but Wreckless, if you think that is better than this, you're loco holmes...just............yeah, no Right So First, broader issues: Expos. Partially this might be a generational thing. The expos take up about as much space as the verse. I see a lot of people do this now. A lot of people did it in the Battle Royale at LA X and yea, I was like, hmm... I loved the four-way at LA X because four guys just came in, dropped their eight lines, and left... and they were all good, Woods and Lucky especially, but Spume's shit was nice, and Blissful, considering he was the least experienced/active/established of the four, did well too...it really can be done I'm not saying I don't explain shit, but I'm saying that a verse can't be like a page out of an encyclopaedia with all them gOddamn references at the bottom...it just...no...shit reminds me of Cliffnotes on Shakespeare My verse, to be honest, would probably be better to you once I exhaustively explained each bar...but I think that's much more down to you being new than my verse being convoluted...verses need to explain themselves to whatever extent is possible... I was never one to say 'no newbie votes' in my battles (the most I would say is, 'if you don't get it, don't vote') but tbh it's a fair stip to put in, because people just don't get even the most obvious personal references And you two going at each other were clearly unfamiliar...I get that...but all six of his punches were nameflips...all six! I'm not sure I've ever seen that before... And three of them called you 'Less -- which is a biiiiiiit of a stretch for a nameflip anyway...no?! The structure... I mean, clearly the long lines are intentional, as are all those internals...but what are they adding, really? Does it make it flow better? Does it really help the set-ups for the punches (any more than my set-ups do, or anybody's set-ups who write shorter bars)? Are the rhymes themselves so good linguistically that they create an energy and charisma like Chain's or Perfecto's for example? Do these longer bars, to you, have an actual cadence to them (the theory being it doesn't matter how long or short your bars are as long as there is a rhythm, a consistency, a flow)? I'm not saying every text verse has to work as an 'audio'... I'm just saying that any writing that isn't prose should have some kind of rhythm to it Second, the material: The actual punches themselves... if I was to apply the same approach to his bars as you did to mine, I'd say something like: '1, so you're saying you're gonna kill him? Not original 3, so you're saying you control him? Not really much of a punch 6, so you're saying you'll knock him out? Not original' I'm not saying that's how I would critique it, but that's the kind of shit you said about mine...and that's half his bars...so for you to call this what you called it...yea, doesn't add up...at all My actual opinion on the material?... First, general points: Creative...clearly knows how to use the language, which is one of the most important natural skills you need to have...much else is easier to teach/practice Experimental...mostly in a bad way, but I'm not knocking it at all, I am under no illusions that everything I ever dropped was classic...if I looked back on my old shit I would cringe a lot of the time and that's mostly because I would experiment, with shit like this...obscure/forced nameflips and references Knows how to punch... at least to the point of demonstrating a confidence/superiority...not so much in actually insulting...and none of it was funny...you need to have that shit in your arsenal too...otherwise it gets samey, it lacks real impact More specifically, the punches: I mean that Left Eye shit was just...not good man. The idea was there but the execution was ridiculously forced...unnecessarily so... 'You're gonna die in this Wreck, they'll start callin' you Left Eye'......... or I dunno, two or three more variants thereof... Better, no? Or am I completely out of touch with what people like now?!? All three of the Less punches were good in the sense that they were good disses, but it's easy to flip the word 'Less'. My issue with the lines is that using Less as a nameflip -- particularly so many times -- is pushing it... I think the crew punch worked without it (fire, and the Top Art/auction element too...brilliant)... Less Undone really fuckin' smart in a way, but I dunno in terms of viability as a punch...floor Less, yea I mean it makes sense but it's not worth it for me The use of Wreck/rec to me is just too obscure...no one really refers to recording as rec and even if they did...it's not that resonant that to record is to have the record button under your thumb... Had Wreck under my thumb like a touchscreen? If you wanna use under the thumb... Or if you wanna nameflip/demonstrate control of him... all over the Wreck like them 9/11 planes...controlling Wreck like a demolition crew... Goin' straight through Wreck like them balls Miley swings on... I dunno So that's about it This shit reads like one of Cuba's votes now...damn Yeah this isn't close to being on the level of my drop. It doesn't read as well, it doesn't hit as hard, it doesn't explain itself well enough, it's more repetitive. He had the challenge of battling a stranger, without the colourful backstory of Triz, but then I could say (and I think maybe I did say), I wrote what I wrote against Triz off the back of him having been dissed twice by Manc very recently...and Manc is the highest ranked active battler...and other than the shit that Manc wrote about, there really isn't a lot anyone knows about Triz Now I'm not talking like Arthur 'should' be 'on my level'...he certainly didn't nominate his shit as being better than mine... I'm not saying he couldn't write better shit than me one day... I'm just saying if you really think this is it, then yeah, we just gotta disagree my man, I think your opinion on what's good lyrically is seriously warped, and lacking an appreciation for/awareness of rhythm, diversity, intuitive/logical complexity, charisma and the components of/objectives for any given diss smh @ the length of this. Felt if I had just replied 'well, no' I woulda just been called a hater, or not helping the new-school, or whatever... so I thought if I was gonna give the feedback/breakdown, I'd do it in full...haven't done this kind of thing for a few years now...you can see why
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 10:43pm
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You're all taking this text shit far too seriously right now ------------- |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 10:43pm
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PS - does anyone else want feedback?! Now is the time to ask... I'm housebound ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 11:30pm
|
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 11:43pm
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Orion you should hop in the Netcees topical league and prove your worth. It's regarded as the most talented topical league to have ever existed ------------- |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 11:43pm
I executive edit/produce and creatively direct/manage for a living so I do this kind of thing a lot...not with rap verses, granted, and usually not so much written and more verbally...but yea...it's what I do, I appreciate it's not for everyone but I think if anyone is looking to improve then they should take heed
But I did that shit already...contrary to the idea of my other sites record being 'bullshit', I'm pretty sure Kay B was on Stage 3, Cuba was on WannaBattle, Gore, randomly, just signed up and was on UL, and there was one other site but I forget its name and no one from there who came to LA (ThOuGhTz, Eminent, others) is still active...if they remember (and who knows, they may not), they could vouch... I'm not wearing the shit like it's the pride and joy of my life, but 'dickrdying' was thrown out there so I spoke on it Maybe you're just winding me up I don't know. But yea, I'm not gonna do that. You can link me to it if you like and I'll check it out...the very idea of a 'topical league' sounds shit to be honest with you...just conceptually, as a premise...#jmo
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 12:16am
I will join hesitantly join the conversation. I went back and skimmed through the thread more thoroughly and have a better feel for the conversations intention, so omit the first quote. As for the second, I was serious. I'm not sure where that Big Game quote came from, I initially thought it was from some mass of text in this thread however I didn't see it. I have respect for your work and whatever past accomplishments you hold but I'm going to be blunt with you. From what I can surmise from the quote, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that you place yourself a level beyond everyone when it comes to writing. Just being real saying there are a few writers on Netcees alone that are in a higher echelon than anyone I've read here, yourself included. EDIT: Re-reading it kinda comes across like I'm intentionally trying to be a dick and shit on your parade, however that is not the case. Granted that is a BG quote, it could be taken out of context or completely made up for all I know.
------------- |
Posted By: wreckless
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 12:17am
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I just got caught up on all this, been busy as fuck today and I'll respond when I get home. Heading out for dinner so yea. However I will say pretty much this.
------------- Lex Star the Outlaw |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 12:28am
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my question is.... how are we questioning the integrity of our own home? what site are we on right now? why are we arguing whos post count is higher on another website? I didnt read a lick of this nonsense...but real shit, if the verse was so weak.. why no killer response? p.s I never seen Orion win a battle in my life so...I totally agree he needs to battle ChainsawRep82772 or he aint legit. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 12:45am
|
Nig That quote was earlier in this thread and was me responding to the notion that my 'success' on LA was driven by 'dickryding'...so I mentioned my travels on other boards as they were relevant...I specifically went to other boards kinda just to make a point that I wasn't only winning on LA because of dickryders...that's it I'm gonna have to assure you that I take no offence to the ground-breaking possibility that there might be a person or people 'on netcees alone' who you think is/are better than me Anyway, I can feel my IQ being lowered into the abyss just by actually engaging in this thread now I tried, but it's not working Save for if Wreck comes back with something half-way interesting I'll call time on this and go back to the tried and true 'you suck'/'you don't' posts and then people can complain I'm 'being mean', not 'giving real feed' or not 'helping the newbies' enough...just remember you brought it on yourselves kids Oh yeah and if anyone else actually wants to read the drop...specially those who felt like posting up in here...go right on ahead ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 12:58am
| why are you so emo all the time? its just the internet dude. |
Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:06am
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I've only skim read the biblical posts, but just wanted to say... The dick riding/reputation thing...I can see why people said it but pretty sure me & Orion had a battle that we posted on WB (where I was well known and actually where I first started out) as well as on LA and he won the battle on both sites as far as my memory goes. So yeah, for me you're reputation counts against you in terms of expectation as much as it counts in your favour. -------------
|
Posted By: Rapper T
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:10am
| Standing in the crossfire of Orion and wreckless, dope open mic Orion no justification requested |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:19am
|
Neek, let's battle Cuba, yea I don't know if it was the same battle posted twice or whether we just battled on WB... my memory says the latter, but it might have been the former Until you've topical league battled on netcees though, you've never reached the pinnacle Until you have tho, by which point someone on netcees tells you about a battle league on sickspitters which is ACTUALLY the pinnacle And it keeps going on like that till you are air-lifted out of your basement, with the walls having been knocked thru to get you out, then buried at the bottom of the Pacific ocean Rapper T . . . thank you . . . NZ huh, make sure you guys fuck up Australia in the final tomorrow...which is today for you now............yea
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:25am
| you would call out the guy whos 0-1...some legend you are. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:44am
|
I'ma openly tell ya, you a joke in this fella No one's saying Neek-iller (that's knee-killer, my dawgz) unless there's a broken patella! My shit's so hot, when you spit, it's somethin' cold You've got no Tec-Neek (technique, fyi) and I ain't talkin' 'bout gun control!!!!!!!!!! I straight don't give a fair fuck! My shit is tight like it was airbrushed! The way nobody likes you-Neek (expo: "unique") it's like military haircuts! (expo contd: crew cuts in military) I'm owning the other boarders, you're totally running shorter The way I leave this phone-Neek-rippled (phony crippled, word) it's like I was calling him underwater (OMG) You damn right I'm a legend, you ain't even on the map Why don't you get to fallin' back You awful cracker Not that Kid Rock affiliate I'm brilliant with the illy shit But what can YOU really spit? All up on them touchy feely scripts You an emo rapper While I punch like Tyson Oh and B T W . . . Fuck Iceland! You just got bodied son #holddat #deeznuts
------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:46am
| its 2013...nobody likes a bully. |
Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:53am
|
#ethered
#nuffsaid ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 1:58am
| dont make it get super ugly...#Handiman |
Posted By: Vib.Klean
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 9:03pm
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Cant get over that opener -------------
|
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 9:30pm
Kilt em! That's what I'm talkin about. You finally throw some punches. I can appreciate that. |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 10:28pm
I got a couple of drops buried under opens of BG arguing and dissing his own aliases if you get a few minutes. You know I appreciate the feed. I still gotta hit you up some feed in yalls collab too, I ain't forgot. |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 10:30pm
|
Ur so played out ya got to bag for feed like city bums, smh. |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 10:48pm
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BG pm me when you get a chance, I'll let you know when it's ok to speak again. |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 10:54pm
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All of this today J ya fucking bum, all because of 1 bar I wrote, got your sorry ass butthurt. |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 11:02pm
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Again, you really think that weak faggot bar got me mad wit you? I'm just slapping you around coz that's what you are here for. But let's say we go with what you sayin here.... I dropped a bar on you before the one you just mentioned. Damn son, you can't even be wrong right. |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 30 November 2013 at 11:15pm
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You haven't said shit to me, til I just dropped that bar the other day. I dictate this shit bro, you already know. |