second chances i still miss u
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37849
Printed Date: 18 April 2024 at 2:49am
Topic: second chances i still miss u
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Subject: second chances i still miss u
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 12:17am
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Don't we all wish for a second chance? what would u do with a second chance at life? a chance to live an keep breathing must be summin u fancy right? when I was 18 I nearly died from an OD I didn't wanna leave my mum living lonely she would still have my number but no answer when she phoned me aint no reception where il be goin see supposed to be a standard night out poppin a few pills an sniffin some lines confidences bruised found a way to put a lift into mine used to forget any issues an stomp till my feet hurt now im looking forward to them pearly gates coz I miss my mum I told her that's where il meet her I should have made that journey before she did she was there for me even after the drugs I did she pleaded with the warnings I never heeded now im 29, 11 years after I nearly ended my life Id waitin for mum not at the bed where shes waitin to die I held her hand as she passed, I wouldn't change that not for the world or for love nor money would I change that so now I feel like a soldier with grief still hurts everyday even tho I know her soul is at peace this life? its a jigsaw, now I know I aint solving this piece I used to wonder how would I live on so I decided to try my elevation and write this song are bits wrong? I don't really care. I just wanted to put my time and feelings into rhymes with meanings as much as everyday seems a struggle I know u wouldn't wish to see me troubled I just want u to know I still miss and love you cant wait to see u again mum merry xmas ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 12:19am
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just to put this out there I didn't write this to try anything technical I wrote it purely as a rhyme for my mum I decided to post it up to get some feed on what u all thought of it thx -------------
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Posted By: Mission
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:01am
| Bro this is beautiful. The simplicity of the emotion makes up for the lack of technical components. You spoke ur heart, I dont see this as much of a song, more of a poem, and a very touching one as well. Merry Christmas to your mom from me. |
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:03am
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Thanks mission means a lot god rest her soul -------------
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Posted By: IsaiahtheGreat
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:30am
| This was very deep, man. I loved it. Sorry about your mom, too. |
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:35am
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Thx Isaiah was nice to write about her she was a great woman and an influence to more kids than just me when I was on drugs she supported everyone that she felt needed it regardless of whether she felt they deserved it she was always there for everyone -------------
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Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:55pm
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Real shit!! I love to read a story in rhyme, and this was exactly that. It makes a lot of difference when it comes from inside, and inadvertently, it comes across more as poetry than structured rap bars. Very simple in places, but it worked well when mixed with the transitional lines & the odd multi rhymes ere n there. Woulda been good to give it more if a feel that was relevant to the title (as in describing more stuff about second chances), but when it's real life shit, writers tend to go off on a tangent & stray slightly from the topic. I enjoyed this though. Nice shit kiddo |
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 2:00pm
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Thanx Manc the second chances idea was the fact that I had a second chance and mum didn't but I should have closed it off with that rather than ending the way I did I didn't realise that till was too late I didn't try anything technical with this piece wanted it to have more feeling and honesty thanks for the looks bro -------------
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Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 2:14pm
| Yea that was the feel I got from it. That's how realistic pieces always end up, unless you make a point of changing it. Good shit though |
Posted By: Shankley
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 3:13pm
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LMAO @ Mission, his keyboard says one thing but his mouse says another smh @ 1* Good shit Stoop, some real raw emotion here, like you said not much on the technical side of things but you portrayed the story well and it was nicely put together. A real deep story with some real meaning behind it. ------------- |
Posted By: Stupendipidous
Date Posted: 10 December 2014 at 3:16pm
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Thanks shanks was just summin I wanted to post up to show that I will never forget her :) -------------
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