Whoops! There I go again back down the rabbit hole another drop of acid, a couple shrooms that I snack and go ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice Opener, I liked the second line because it already paints a picture on whats about to happen. Also, Rhymed well and flowed back into wonderland, envisioning this elegant forest My brain has my surroundings and elements porous ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Liked how your emphasizing on your mental state and Acid sure does bring you to wonderlands. Flow and rhymes were tight knit. A world with talking cats, a man with hats pure and old And this beautiful broad alice that I'm sure to hold ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Not feeling the rhyming and flow on this line. Seemed short. Anywho, I like who you are now bringing in Alice and the Topic at hand She takes on this journey through this wonderful world With giant shrooms, blue and red with voluptuous swirls ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Really liked the flow on this and the vocab is starting to pick up and so is the story Plants so eloquent, must be the home the ruta Rabbits in suits, and caterpillars blowing the hookah ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ You make your topicals abstract yet vivid. Nice wording and flow is still consistent. Well done, lol at caterpillars blowing the hookah This was a land of love, a land of drugs, a land I didn't want to leave What alice and I could achieve, all the things we could conceive ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I didn't like the flow on this bar. I read it three times. I did how ever like the smooth use of using the same word over and over. You pulled that off well. Also, liked how you are incorporating Alice into the picture more. But there was something off, something troubling standing in my path Something coming that's commanding with a wrath ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Liked the multis and inners in this bar. I also see that your now switching the story up from and adding an antagonist. Clever A women in a victorian dress, hair like embers in a pit The plants and animals curled up and tremor in her midst ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Vivid description of the character and you did it in one bar. Good shit. Flow was transitioned smoothly here. She's got the temper of a bitch when she enters where I sit She was pissed, to see us together with our wits ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Not feeling the second line. Do you seen where it came off beat a little? The flow wasn't choppy, it seemed to have suddenly stopped right there.
"What do you think your doing with this beautiful rabbit, Alice is my pet, she's my girl, she's my alice ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice move using the quotes and engaging the other character in this. Well done Don't even look at her, your intentions are sick and fucking evil and I know what your doing, why don't you stick your dick in other people" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ lol, im not gonna comment on this. Fuck it, yeah I am. I liked the comical feeling this bar gave off. It made the made your character come off immature. Defo ok because the person is on acid.
I turned to alice in front of this women, ran my lips down her ear "It's okay, she won't hurt you, you have nothing to fear ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Your very descriptive an and it shows with even this simplistic bar. Well done on getting your picture painted with ease. Nicee Show her your love for me, and she'll leave us alone I moved alice closer and started reaching my bone ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Liked the rhymes and flow in this. We kissed, and I could feel her peach fuzz touching my nose She was so tight within seconds busting was close ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ haha, liked the usage of vocabulary and the word placement The women got red hot, came in and rushed in my zone So I reached out and squeezed, starting clutching her throat ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Im nik picking, because your very good at topicals. This seemed out of place from the bar above. I am not catching this. The drugs started to wear and her oxygen was cut as she choked Poor alice sat their scared and shaken, watched til she croaked. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice was to remind the readers that you were still on Acid. Also some good imagery I laid their and looked over at alice with my declining lovely acid Took her in and squeezed, this white, shining, bunny rabbit ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Lmfao, nice. good shit here fella When I looked on the other side, it was horrid, but I resisted instead I couldn't bare to face the fact that my sister was dead ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Holy fuck, what? Nice fucking twist. It keeps someone from getting tired and from them to stop reading. Good shit. So before CNN sees another classic sick fuck on the run I reached in my pocket and dropped another acid strip on my tongue ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Bamn, that fight or flight response. Liked the way this has changed course. Your wording and vocabulary, good shit
oops.. I went down the wrong rabbit hole!! Very creative piece. You hit this one out the park. Hope you like the feed brothaman
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