Militant Mind [WD7]
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=44271
Printed Date: 24 April 2024 at 9:25am
Topic: Militant Mind [WD7]
Posted By: iLL ScriptureZ
Subject: Militant Mind [WD7]
Date Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:08pm
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Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do
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Replies:
Posted By: Crimson Juice
Date Posted: 19 December 2016 at 8:32pm
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Nice and pacey this,I liked the use of the key words here,had a couple of nice concepts when gelling two or more k/words together on one line,also the flip on the word whale was a good touch,your word choices were also nice on the whole good vocab mixed with ripe contents,plus the majority of this verse was a highlight too so win win there, all in all a strong entry and solid read.. "Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon" "Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do" ^^RIPE..peace. ------------- "You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance". |
Posted By: SELF ACTIVATE
Date Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:30pm
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"Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate" ^Everything fit, made sense, and was nicely worded. Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean ^Not only is this dope, but it also creates a really majestic image of massive mammals moving fluently through the deep blue sea. Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop ^Dope! And perfect execution of the word. Also, the subtle play on "pop art" and the double entendre you cloaked it in was a nice little gem. Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do ^Hmmm... I wonder if the shot/pop part in the previous lines tie into this section ... perhaps denoting a billet wound? Regardless, this was a stellar closer. Another dope verse to add to the collection, iLL. Peace... |
Posted By: iLL ScriptureZ
Date Posted: 20 December 2016 at 2:56pm
Yo i aint even peep that...  ... fucking genius lmao...Thats Crim and Self for feed!
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Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shotPosted By: SELF ACTIVATE
Date Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:17pm
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LOL That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent (does that make sense lol). |
Posted By: SELF ACTIVATE
Date Posted: 20 December 2016 at 3:18pm
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LOL That's what I love about posting online. Sometimes people see stuff in your work you weren't even aware of when you wrote. I feel sometimes that's because the words are coming from another place and the writer is just a vessel used to express their intent. Does that make sense? lol. |
Posted By: rhetorical
Date Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:26pm
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this was dope man. great way to utilize the challenge words here. i havent seen every wd verse, but so from the onces that i have thumbed through, this is one of the better executions for sure. your highlight to me was the onomatopeia line and the first two lines made for a great opener. . nice work here for sure -------------  |
Posted By: daydizzle89
Date Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:49pm
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Ok, you used 4 of the words in the first two bars....
Dope. Liking the use of placard and relic segment. Nice Heavy souls swim weightless.... god damn i like that right there. Dope The ending was dope. Great use of the words. This is another nice little gem from WD7. Liking the vivid descriptions here. It was nicely written and the multis nice. Flow consistant and over i am digging the theme you have got here. The war/soldier theme fit these words well. |
Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:51pm
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I liked the use of imagery to incorporate the words...allowed you to rattle through a load of em in a short space of time & it not come across forced at all. Both in simile and metaphor form. Real nice. ------------- 
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Posted By: HI-Z
Date Posted: 22 December 2016 at 8:30am
| This is one of the best WD7 entries I've read as of yet. The concept was clear and percise, your use of the 10 given words was flawless. I'm not about to pick this apart, that would be an injutice. From the first line to the last You out shined every one. I think this has gotta be the winning submission right here. Unless someone comes along and steals your victory over night. I say that with no disrespect to the other contenders myself included lol. Great job and I think it's pretty safe to say congratulations. Catch ya later bro |
Posted By: Beans
Date Posted: 22 December 2016 at 3:20pm
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This is dope ------------- 1-2 Season 1 Final Champ |
Posted By: iLL ScriptureZ
Date Posted: 22 December 2016 at 4:44pm
| Appreciate it everyone |
Posted By: -Que-
Date Posted: 02 January 2017 at 5:22am
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Tourniquet on my arm from the bombs you detonate Handicapped & the placard is a relic I strongly celebrate ^^Flow on point most Def!! The depravity I consume, the savagery is a tomb ^^ Ha Ha!! I used the same two words ...How cool is that! Heavy souls swim weightless like a whale in the ocean The wails that are hoping float like gravity on the moon Wail/Whale dope Parody of the gloom, bangin' & boom, sizzle & shot Onomatopoeia's mirage can paint a picture with pop ^^Sounds like some cool street shit bro Sanguine stains has a certain pulchritude ^^ My favorite line ...just solid word usage Wear my blood with honor like a solider is supposed to do Good shit ILL ------------- |