The Exorcist pt.1 [KOTM]
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Printed Date: 23 April 2024 at 12:56pm
Topic: The Exorcist pt.1 [KOTM]
Posted By: CHAIN
Subject: The Exorcist pt.1 [KOTM]
Date Posted: 15 January 2017 at 6:23pm
 [Fresno, CA - September 2018] Hexed, her soul's deep in debt with a red glow... beaming from her aura...and thus Jesus wept // Czecho Slovakian masseuse with a retro... style and Depeche Mode music keeps her wet // Weeping on her bedclothes, she reeks of Prosecco Sleeps with her dress on, freak manifesto // Creeps with her step bro on her BFF's phone... texting XO to lesbos and demon-esque hoes // Deity from Heck, she is Legion in the flesh Evil, she's possesed and it seems like her ex knows // "No!...episodes of PMS don't affect lobes... of the brain to the point it makes you keep a pet crow" // Yo... [Fresno, CA - June 1981] EMS people left the room once they seen death... Staring back at them in her fetal echo // Priests said her heart beat made a strange sound... That only seemed to take down autistic deaf folks // Stress... S.O.S to Rome, the telegram was kept low The letter reached The Vatican, between the hedgerows... The matter was addressed over tea and Espresso Exorcists in fresh robes rolled out to Fresno... To bless the whole west coast of the U.S... from the second she was born to rebuke her Gepetto // Rosemary's baby the Christians had to let go Word is that her mom prolly took Baphomet's oath // Pastor Ernesto, potentially the next Pope... Set foot in their home but stopped on the threshold // Paused for a sec and he felt a heavy load... Of energy come down like the Walls of Jericho // Saw a dead roach crawling outta piece of bread loaf... Next to a burgundy stilleto, on a headstone... In his mind like a premonition, it is wicked This little girl's twisted like young Regan's neck bones // To be continued... ------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: alicewonder
Date Posted: 15 January 2017 at 9:25pm
| This was very unique on so many different levels. I loved the schemes you employed here. Very unorthodox and thoroughly consistent yet with a certain degree of variety to it, which I appreciate. It seems so effortless. I also loved the way you incorporated elements of humour in this, like that Depeche Mode line. The 'pet crow' bar was a highlight on its own, imo. You had various relevant references throughout, which were placed perfectly within the content you displayed. 'Baphomet's oath' is one of those references. The references are also very original at the same time, I like the 'dead roach/bread loaf' originality here as well as how you incorporated a Reagan reference effortlessly into the mix. I'm looking forward to the continuation. This is the second entry for the KOTM I've read tonight, and this is, just like the other, nothing short of amazing. |
Posted By: daydizzle89
Date Posted: 16 January 2017 at 8:35pm
 This is how i feel when i read some of your shit. The fact you kept your scheme throughout the whole piece is in itself impressive. The story/content here was nice and filled with imagery. As soon as i read the first bar i was hoping for the scheme to include "Depeche Mode". You fulfilled my hopes. I liked that bar because i just fucking do. I really dont think anyone here should ever feed you based on your mechanics. You have it locked down to a fucking science. Not many can if any could compare to this type of writing skills. The assonance is superb and all the rest of your shit. So for the story itself. I liked how you chronologically wrote this. You started with future to its prequel. Dope shit. Story itself was rather short but sweet. Nice imagery and teh fact you have TBC is nice. Hoping to see Numero Dos. |
Posted By: Exoduzt
Date Posted: 17 January 2017 at 3:30am
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CHAIN my brotha from a different colored motha! I always look forward when I see you dropped something. I know it will be on a different level than most the other drops I read. "Hexed, her soul's deep in debt with a red glow... beaming from her aura...and thus Jesus wept // Czecho Slovakian masseuse with a retro... style and Depeche Mode music keeps her wet // Weeping on her bedclothes, she reeks of Prosecco Sleeps with her dress on, freak manifesto // Creeps with her step bro on her BFF's phone... texting XO to lesbos and demon-esque hoes // "----Your style is just so unique but its also so far beyond the levels of the shit that gets dropped on here. I mean you take your OM's to this other world that your the only one who inhabits it. The flow the structure the way you word things is just so professional its almost unreal. the prosecco bbf's phone? haha damn homie. "EMS people left the room once they seen death... Staring back at them in her fetal echo //Priests said her heart beat made a strange sound... That only seemed to take down autistic deaf folks //----whoa...CHAIN stepping out of his bubble..I like it. "S.O.S to Rome, the telegram was kept low The letter reached The Vatican, between the hedgerows...The matter was addressed over tea and Espresso Exorcists in fresh robes rolled out to Fresno..."---SMH...I mean damn dude. The way you kept this story intact with that wording!!! I'm fucking jealous. This was so fucking dope!. espresso fresh robe fresno??? dude stop it right now. "Set foot in their home but stopped on the threshold // Paused for a sec and he felt a heavy load...Of energy come down like the Walls of Jericho // Saw a dead roach crawling outta piece of bread loaf... Next to a burgundy stilleto, on a headstone... In his mind like a premonition, it is wicked This little girl's twisted like young Regan's neck bones // "----fucking aye...I don't even know what to say. The scheme the rhymes the way you kept it to the story....yeah...I got nothing.. cheers CHAIN -------------  |
Posted By: iLL ScriptureZ
Date Posted: 17 January 2017 at 1:12pm
| ...i hate you... I don't even know what to say anymore. |
Posted By: rhetorical
Date Posted: 19 January 2017 at 12:54am
Chain my man, this is dope brother. love the exorcist route, and the crazy descriptions . .
i love imagery that i can grasp on to and use to create what the world looks around the character. flow smooth. . . as writers our talent lies in the execution and this was nothing short of impressive. . puts me in the mood to go watch the excorcist now lol . . ill definitely be looking for volume 2 -------------  |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 19 January 2017 at 7:17pm
 Thank you, though. Appreciate the feedback ppl. Thank you for taking your time to bless this. Y'all the real MVP's. ------------- |
Posted By: Sammy
Date Posted: 28 January 2017 at 4:06am
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impeccable, my brutha. -------------  |