[KOTM] Topical Punch [KOTM]
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Community Forums
Forum Name: Spotlight
Forum Description: Showcasing the best Open Mics, Audio Mics and Discussions LA has to offer
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=45282
Printed Date: 24 April 2024 at 9:38am
Topic: [KOTM] Topical Punch [KOTM]
Posted By: Neek
Subject: [KOTM] Topical Punch [KOTM]
Date Posted: 31 July 2017 at 5:07am
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man, this was really good. I came in here expecting straight trash, but I think youre honestly the best writer here. the way you use words to describe things is fucking uncanny. "No Grilles" and "Shrimp at Applebees" were def the highlights for me. they had me cackling like you wouldnt believe. shame this doesnt have more feed. honestly best piece ive read this year. good job bro. ------------- #Bananas 
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Replies:
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 31 July 2017 at 8:40am
whoa... maybe thats why your verses are slept on. what a terrible attitude. I came in here and gave you my opinion which was extremely positive and you start off with "fuck you" ?? wow. I am disgusted. secondly, if I was looking for "good looks" id be trying to impress someone.. but since im doing neither? whats your deal? why this tough guy shit? your verse was dope as fuck. I hope you win man but jesus calm yourself bro. I liked you better as april comet. ------------- #Bananas
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DjFlame wrote:Posted By: daydizzle89
Date Posted: 31 July 2017 at 1:36pm
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This was pretty cool. Nice little similis and such here. Story didnt progress as i wanted. I was hoping for more development in your story. Rhymes came off a little hiccupy but not to bad. All the world's a stage but I'm in the wrong scene Paid reality actor, must be Jenner offspring ________________________________ Here the flow hiccuped even though the end multi rhyme was good. And daddy teaches to resolve conflict passively Law of nature: every Savage beast has to eat _______________________________________ This worked. Overall - You have everything in place, you just have to rearrange a few things. Not bad though. |
Posted By: The Rap Daemon
Date Posted: 31 July 2017 at 7:06pm
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Honestly, I'm impressed with this. Kinda wish the story progressed bar to bar but this was a nice and fresh twist on things and I commend you for experimenting and stepping out into not too familiar territory with bringing punchline game in with the topical scene. Opened up nicely to set the tone and closed off in the same manner rather effectively. Law of nature bar worked very well, the tight and compact/punches like concrete was nicely put in and also works as an allegory to your own writtens, and overall everything flowed nicely and was smooth, and surprisingly for what you did here nothing came out forced, which I want to give you mad props for. I must add, that this is one of the most interesting reads I've been able to have in a while and easily the best I've had from you so I definitely want to see more like this. ------------- Faggot |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 31 July 2017 at 7:18pm
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^^^^^^ boom ------------- #Bananas
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Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 01 August 2017 at 10:48am
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anyway, just to further expand, in particular things we discussed... I hate predictable shit.. like with a fervor. I never got the feeling I knew what you were going to say next and that holds more weight with me than nine syllabol rhymes and wordplay. I felt the narrative was good.. it felt fun.. this kinda topic has two ways about it.. either you go super dark or super funny. which makes me it awesome to do. anyhow. I may have went a bit overboard with my fav piece this year. I think the oz joint is my fav with rhet, self and sammy. but this ranks top two...top five at the lowest end. keep dropping man and get to know thy neighbors ------------- #Bananas
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