Meet Fuego [Vol One]
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=45328
Printed Date: 23 April 2024 at 2:21am
Topic: Meet Fuego [Vol One]
Posted By: Neek
Subject: Meet Fuego [Vol One]
Date Posted: 09 August 2017 at 10:34pm
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I really fucking dug that radio active bar. that was slick as shit. I know "of" the band imagine dragons, but im guessing they have a song called captains. anyway, middle to ending stanza got a smidge confusing, im assuming you were playfully poking slip with the alter ego shit.. but overall, I thought this was a good change of pace flex drop admist all the beef and topical stuff. good play amigo. ------------- #Bananas 
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Replies:
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 10 August 2017 at 11:51am
 @ the Sondheim bar. Dope Radioactive bar = 9/10 Keep 'm coming. ------------- |
Posted By: The Rap Daemon
Date Posted: 10 August 2017 at 6:50pm
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That opener is literal fucking flames. Bar of the month if I could hand awards out like that for sure. Sometimes, the focus on multies meant even though it was rhythmically sound, took away from the imagery a little bit and felt a little unnatural, but it wasn't forced as such so it wasn't terrible by any means. But a pattern of imagery within a verse with obviously a wider focus on storytelling is more powerful than an astounding rhyme scheme for the ebb and flow of a piece. But as you said, this is like an introduction to the character and with the solid amount of quotables stuffed in here it should set up well and I look forward to the future pieces. Good work. ------------- Faggot |
Posted By: the lyricist
Date Posted: 13 August 2017 at 3:25am
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Damn man that radioactive pun was crazy, also the second part of the verse had me rapidly reciting the first half of the bar and slowly elongating the second (I don't know if this was intentional but it was amazing). I will definitely follow this train till the end. P.S The last two lines made me think of peter parker lol. ------------- AK/MEDS |
Posted By: the lyricist
Date Posted: 13 August 2017 at 3:29am
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The only thing that confused me was the missing 'the' before staunchest,and even that was caused by the fact I'm not used to reading text raps. ------------- AK/MEDS |
Posted By: DressToKill
Date Posted: 13 August 2017 at 12:02pm
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Chicks in the wrong place and they lust for the wrong guy Hes sending the Broad 'way enough to be Sondheim ^^^ was the stand out bar of this, Whats up Flame, I thought you brought a real nice little verse here. I can see you're writing for beats like you said in another thread because the lines are certainly shortened up and the flow was banging. I loved the line I quoted, nice play and stuck with the theme as well so props on that. My only thing i'd really like to see would be for it to be longer and see if you can keep the consistency up. Props dude ------------- The original comeback kid |
Posted By: Dntplywelwitothers
Date Posted: 13 August 2017 at 4:01pm
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The flow in this really stands out. Your rhyme scheme contributes to the fluidity of this piece. I really enjoy writing like this, it's hard to keep flow in text without sacrificing the content, and you're able to incorporate many elements and an interesting concept. What you have so far is impressive, and I look forward to the other installments. Everything said about the "imagine dragons" line I agree with. Nice character development so far, you've described him in just a few bars... His abilities and dilemmas... making his introduction intriguing, but not giving too much away. Keep at this. It'a be cool to see what becomes of it. ------------- "My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...." |