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Forgotten Treasure

Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=45479
Printed Date: 23 April 2024 at 10:25am


Topic: Forgotten Treasure
Posted By: Vlad
Subject: Forgotten Treasure
Date Posted: 29 October 2017 at 8:27pm


Discarded treasure; abandoned beneath the stars,
This far we weathered; in tandem we each see scars.

Mountainous masses; a malignant mound,
Pitiful piles stacked up by the pound.
A dreary disposal; forever dammed,
We're weary and lonesome; never a chance.

One afternoon we were approached by a gentle being,
Looking as worn as us, yet relentless, freeing.
He gazed upon us, sparks whisked in his eyes,
With an energy booming, persistent and spry.

Bending down he ran his fingers across one of our covers,
Romeo and Juliette, a classic tale of two lovers.
Then Alice, sweet Alice, about her tremendous journey,
And Oliver Twist, that poor boy and his endless worry.

His eyes were alight, burning with passion and flare,
He disappeared for a moment, then came back with a chair,
Upon it he sat, at the top of our mountain,
Foreign, familiar; raindrops on a fountain.

As he grew, we loved him, through the best and the worst,
And he loved us back, becoming immersed in our words.

In time he married, had a son and a daughter,
How proud we were, he became a man and a father.
To this day he still visits, brings his children as well,
Reading stories out loud of Alladin or Belle.

We'll never forget him, he brought us purpose and love,
And grandkids who roam freely like the sea or a dove.

He whispers gratitude, admires our craft,
And while we can't thank him in words,
He knows we already have.


Replies:
Posted By: Who-Is-You?
Date Posted: 29 October 2017 at 10:01pm
This is some good shit from start to bottom. Not too much to really be critical about here. Great wrting and awesome story telling. Props. 

Posted By: Bazooka bastard
Date Posted: 30 October 2017 at 2:42am
I'm a bit confused, because it doesn't sound like the person in question has died, I hope, but you can't thank him with words... The chances of you being a mute are quite slim I'd say, so have you just lost touch? 

fav line was "in tandem we each see scars" - seems provocative to me & a pleasant change from "Wi da mandem we each seize cars"  shite I'm stuck with.

Never been a big fan of alliteration (too many youthoracle battles back int day), however, using it so briefly did work nicely. I don't mind the odd mountainous mass.

Last one - what accent do you have to rhyme journey with worry?

O/A Bangin effort, quite refreshin, fairly confusing, all good things.

Posted By: spume corrupt
Date Posted: 30 October 2017 at 10:40pm
Originally posted by Vlad Vlad wrote:


<br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Discarded treasure; abandoned beneath the stars,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">This far we weathered; in tandem we each see scars.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Mountainous masses; a malignant mound,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Pitiful piles stacked up by the pound.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">A dreary disposal; forever dammed,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">We're weary and lonesome; never a chance.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">One afternoon we were approached by a gentle being,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Looking as worn as us, yet relentless, freeing.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">He gazed upon us, sparks whisked in his eyes,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">With an energy booming, persistent and spry.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Bending down he ran his fingers across one of our covers,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Romeo and Juliette, a classic tale of two lovers.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Then Alice, sweet Alice, about her tremendous journey,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">And Oliver Twist, that poor boy and his endless worry.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">His eyes were alight, burning with passion and flare,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">He disappeared for a moment, then came back with a chair,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Upon it he sat, at the top of our mountain,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Foreign, familiar; raindrops on a fountain.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">As he grew, we loved him, through the best and the worst,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">And he loved us back, becoming immersed in our words.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">In time he married, had a son and a daughter,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">How proud we were, he became a man and a father.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">To this day he still visits, brings his children as well,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">Reading stories out loud of Alladin or Belle.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">We'll never forget him, he brought us purpose and love,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">And grandkids who roam freely like the sea or a dove.</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">He whispers gratitude, admires our craft,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">And while we can't thank him in words,</span><br style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;"><span style="color: rgb170, 170, 170; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; : rgb26, 26, 26;">He knows we already have.</span>



Blah blah blah

Please link your feedback posts before I reply.....Or not IDC TBH

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Posted By: D-NoS
Date Posted: 05 November 2017 at 9:03am
Another level. Dope Written. Interesting Story, Told Superbly. 

Skills for days.


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https://dnos.bandcamp.com

https://soundcloud.com/dnos_aka_dicey


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