Alright Joffy there are a lot of things that need addressed here. This is a text battle, on an online forum, where the aim of the game is to write your verse as clearly as possible while fitting as many hard-hitting and relevant punches in as you can without it being over saturated and messy. I'm not hating, or trying to get on a high horse, but these are the points you need to consider if you want to win battles. You have an audience to convince, and you don't want to leave doubt in anyone's mind.
I see you've had 10 battles so I'll give you your dues for going at it and being persistent but here is some resistance to encourage growth:
Write it in lines, the way DJ has Set up and execute relevant punches instead of randomly scattering generic and unfocused disses all over the paragraph Tighten up the rhymes and force the readers to feel how it flows
I hope to see you get better and bring good stuff man, any pointers needed just look at all the talented guys dropping here and either read up or reach out.
Flame was obviously more structured, direct, had a couple name plays. All around just tighter and what little he chose to bring was obviously all that was needed in this case. Kinda just had the bare minimum for what you'd expect in a battle verse. Ticked some boxes, got the job done without really trying. That is also a put-down in itself to an opponent.
Flame gets my vote. Joffy, all the best to you. Let's see what you've got down the line.
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