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Only For My Son

Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9926
Printed Date: 28 March 2024 at 5:56pm


Topic: Only For My Son
Posted By: Stalin
Subject: Only For My Son
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 3:07am
Aight, before anyone reads this I just got a lil to say.  First if u got anything disrespectful to say about this in anyway...I dont wanna hear it.  This is very long, 3rd verse might not appeal to yall much but its probly what I had the hardest time writin. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone

verse 1
so much stress and despression got me feelin mad sick
my girl so innocent, but the good ones can never have kids
and the apologies and condolences'll never help
How can you explain the deepest pain that I ever felt?
I could never find the words to express this pain
did he test my strength? Why God got me feelin blessed then blank?
I keep my faith in God, but at times I wanna deeply hate him
tryin to do right, while so many worthless fathers be leavin babies
what a shock, my mind stopped, the news severed my heart
I'm wit u where ever u are, and I know deep inside ur never too far
but drivin to the hospital, the definition of real fear
God wanted u wit him too early, but in my heart ur still here
I remember wishin and hopin I'd never make u cry
now im tellin myself that im gonna have to say good bye
my heart aches but I, know u in a better place
and Im so thankful that tears never met ya face
my heart in human form, no one couldve cared like I care
and I keep seein vision of u runnin around, wit my hair
and u had my feet, I cry every night before I sleep
tryin to be strong for ur mother but the tears in my eyes creep
prayin everyday that ur watchin over me, so I hope u can
and I need u to give me strength cuz now im just a broken man
I trust in u God, So i wont even blame u now
just make sure we've got our own lil angel now
I lost my son and it just ripped my mind quick
ppl tryin to talk to me, but I just wanna sit in silence
cuz I cant stop myself from thinkin what shouldve been
and everytime I see his picture I see nothin but good in him
Dear God, I dont know why u did it but I've gotta send him to u
Anthony, I'd gladly trade my life for 5 seconds if I could spend it wit u
wouldve been a better man than me but my lil mans deceased
a million times better, I love you my precious lil baby boy Anthony
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
Verse 2
wishin i could hold u, but I know u lookin down on us son
it brings a smile to my face to know u around some loved ones
God i wish u could give me reasons for what u chose to do
all i need is for u to promise us ull always keep him close to u
seein scenes every night of me kissin u on ur forehead before bed
my heart cant afford death, but now im facin even more stress
What kind of man would u be, I cant help but think
since I lost u, every night I'm drinkin myself to sleep
im sufferin here, ever since I lost my son its too much to bear
everyday I come home lookin for my boy and theres nothin there
plus im scared, how can I cope if I cant see his face
my only beautiful son, you could never be replaced
I wake up at the hospital the next day prayin that u came back
but ull always be my baby boy and nothin can ever change that
So I pray to the Lord and I ask him what happened
It's so sad when we sayin goodbye to Anthony before we had him
even though his life wasnt planned we anticipated him
imagine the pain in my brain when I heard my lil man isnt makin it
I broke down right away, began cryin on ya mothers shoulder
just cant stop thinkin bout u..lookin down at ur face, I loved to hold u
now all I could do is keep my head up and stay as strong as u would
Im so sorry Anthony, I had to let u go but I held u as long as I could
I know u wouldnt want me to suffer but the stress on my mind is hard
You never did nothin wrong, u never deserved it my lil shining star
Later in life, if we decide to conceive again, would u feel jealous and betrayed?
Dont be scared baby, ur still my boy but just give me a sign to tell us ur afraid
Did u pass away, go to a better place?  I'd rather call ya free
but u also free from me, so Im kissing ur picture before I fall asleep
Ill always know u in heaven watchin us, wishin for better
I love you more than life itself and Ill miss u forever
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
Verse 3
When U heard a ring, would U look at the phone and smirk?
Would u have been there smilin everytime I came home from work?
Would U have been wakin us up every two hours?
Would u need me wit u every time u showered?
Would I have to watch u every minute wit a concerned glance?
and when u played with all ur toys would u learn fast?
Would u have laughed everytime u dropped a bottle?
If I was in another room, would u think uve got to follow?
Would u just sit and watch me any time I cleaned ur mess?
When I finally picked u up, would u give all ur screams a rest?
Would u laugh and smile when I act like ur harmin me?
If someone else was holdin u, would u hold out ur arms to me?
When ur a lil older would u tell me what ur aimin to strive for?
Would u have tried to crawl away from me when I'm changin ur diaper?
If u runnin around the house and fell down and hurt urself, would U start cryin?
Would U think I was a bad father If I made u get up, even though my hearts dyin?
I cant stop thinkin, What kind've man were u?
Would u have carried the name of my family thru?
Would u imitate what u see on TV and try to wrestle me?
Would U need to be so close, u gotta sleep in bed wit me?
Would u give me strength when Im about to quit?
Would u embrace me willingly when u learned how to kiss?
Would u brag and boast if I let u beat me in a game worse?
But before that baby....Would u have said my name first?
Would U have held me real tight whenever I was huggin u
Would I have cried the first time I heard u say "I Love you too"?
but none of that'll never happen, cuz God took u too early
I wake up cryin cuz I cant stop havin nightmares of u hurtin
Nothin I do seems to work, Im powerless to hold back the tears inside
Nobody has any idea what I'd give up if I had the chance to hear u cry
Anthony ur my beautiful baby boy and u represent the best thats in me
but I'll only have the strength to keep my head up if I know ur Restin In Peace
 
hook
tryin to escape but he'll hold me when i run
never let me give up, console me when im done
puttin pain into words, and its only for my son
cuz every second, i been feelin lonely since he gone
 
 
 
 
I love you Anthony
R.I.P.
Anthony 09/13/06
 
 
 
NO HATE, just feedback/criticism



Replies:
Posted By: frank white
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 7:35am
Will read this when i have time this week as it diserves a propa read man.

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the punching machine

bad boy 4 life biggie smalls was the illest


Posted By: 2smooth
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:17pm

damn son... that was some of the deepest shit i ever read in my whole life, bro... you can just feel the emotion, and, unfortunately, the pain... i'm sorry for ya loss Dave, my heart goes out to you and your loved 1's bro...

as a verse, flow was a bit stretched in certain parts, but for the most part, the flow was perfect... the meaning and emotion is beyond words... very nice post bro...
 
keep ya head up dogg, life goes on...
 
R.I.P.


Posted By: sparta
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:22pm
^Agreed...the most touching thing I've ever read on here...just raw emotion...also enhanced the lyrical substance of it, the flow seemed perfect

My condolences...


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Не все потеряно пока...


Posted By: Demonic
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 1:51pm
Read through the hole thing... as said condolences go out... i cant imagine having anything like this happening to me and i never want to either...

Very sorry for the loss.

The drop its self was very deep and full of the emotion i'd expected when i read the title... was a good drop... unfortunate its about real circumstances


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Posted By: frank white
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 5:13pm
Wow. Now that is real, that had anger and love sorrow and joy . This was your heart man and noone can ask more than this . This wasnt rap this was life this was knowledge and this was a letter to god.The only think i can see is that your lil boy must be proud of his father where ever his is now man. He smiling and hese gonna be on the next 16 man. He still gonna collab with you one day. Im not on this god shit but your passion resonatesd with me man. I talked to you for years now man and now i can truly says there goes a man.Peace and respect.And what you on about man the third verse was ill as fuck that poetry right there people. That had a poets soul man.

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the punching machine

bad boy 4 life biggie smalls was the illest


Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 5:44pm
Firstly, Sorry about your loss man

Secoundly, this was truly an amazing peice man seriously....Had so much feeling in it and was probbaly one of the most heartfelt drops iv read..... ever, I felt everyline hit me as a reader and made me feel as if i was in the situation This was one of the most origonal peices simply because of the fact no-one could write this but you....it was personal, it was deep and it was real...Seriously one of the best iv ever read

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Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 19 October 2006 at 8:48pm
thanks yall,ill try to find time to return the favor eventually


Posted By: King Jehu
Date Posted: 22 October 2006 at 12:18am
oh shit, what the fuck...

Yo, Dave, I'm sorry for your loss, man. Last time I spoke to you she was due in about a month. Damn, hope everything gets better for you, man. With that said, this was powerful. It expresses the pain, frustration and sorrow well. I almost shed a tear reading this, yo. Bless you and your girl.


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Insert something rappy here


Posted By: I-kontinue
Date Posted: 22 October 2006 at 2:00am
Not sure, but from what I read, seems you're Christian...(I am too...) Keep ya head up... And though it's hard, He does everything for a reason... Maybe when you meet him and ask why, you'll see why he did what he did, and that though it hurts now, it was probably for the best...

If the piece hadn't touched me, then I wouldn't have been motivated to state that, so you know it was heart felt^...

But really... I've Never felt the passion within a piece like I have before in any other written on a rap board... The flow was on point, so that made it even better... You did a great job of expressing yourself on this one...

My condolences Dave...1


Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 22 October 2006 at 10:32am
this was deep indeed...these type of pieces dont deserve much criticism, cuz its basically ya heart in it, which makes da piece greater than a normal rap...u were def able to express yaself well in this, and i definitely felt alot of ya emotion through da words alone...great job and keep at it...

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Posted By: DressToKill
Date Posted: 22 October 2006 at 8:57pm
I just read this shit and your mixed emotion in it was amazing...was a very powerfull subject..loved the way you expressed yourself and it takes a real man to be able to show some personal shit like that to cridicts...im telling you man stay up I hope the best for you..I cant say I understand what ur going through but I do have an idea..dope ass peice of work here keep it up and keep ur head up
 
-1- R.I.P.


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The original comeback kid


Posted By: D Mob
Date Posted: 27 October 2006 at 9:39am
im sorry for your loss man. Your stuff is dope though, Keep your head ^. 


Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 14 September 2011 at 4:53pm
Sorry, My son wouldve been 5 yesterday.. I still feel this shit


Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 14 September 2011 at 5:02pm
Sorry to drag this up out of the archives but I seen it bein checked when I scanned the user list.
 
Okay - firstly, I CANNOT imagine how you musta felt and still feel havin gone through this. My eldest was born with a rare heart disease and it was always touch n go with him for the first year or so. Then - when my youngest was 2, we nearly lost him to meningacocol sceptazemia (worst case meningitis) - but that dont even come close to actually losing your son. That would fuck me up !!!
 
When I read this - I go the feeling that it was obviously heart wrenching to write - but at the same time, you needed to let it all out, and penning it was the perfect outlet for those feelins to flood thru.
I'll be straight with you Stal - reading this gave me goosebumps n a big arse lump in my throat. I really and genuinely feel for you n ya girl - n I know that dont make a difference, but thats honestly how I feel after seein this.
 
Shit man. I'm so sorry if I woke resting ghosts - but this was probly the most upsetting thing I've read for a long long time. It had to be fed kiddo. U gotta be a strong dude to stay sane after suttin like this man. Dayum.


Posted By: spume corrupt
Date Posted: 14 September 2011 at 5:52pm
Not gonna lie Stalin
This got me crying man
fa a minute I had ta stop reading
I really felt yo pain
The writing was passionate an driven
I got kids! Sumethin like this
Would tip me over the edge
I understand this won't ever go away fa yo
I just hope yo are coping real

God bless yo lil angel
Peace


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Posted By: Young-chukky
Date Posted: 14 September 2011 at 10:44pm
Hmmmmmn,am emotionally speechless,after reading this I felt this strong blast cuz I also lost my dad about two months ago,so its all coming back to me. To lose someone you love so much,it feels like your life is done but this is the world of fortunate and unfortunate possibilities,every livinthing is bound to die,some at the right time some at the wrong time its so sad she left too early,I guess I've ask God why my dad has to die now but to later hear of a family that died in an auto crash, then I realised that earth is no home,we are all visitors that will surely return to an unknown destination religiously believed to be Heaven or Hell but we hoping for the first H.
So take heart stalin for God will see you through your pain.
             R.      I.        P.      
   Little girl
             R.      I.        P.     
    Dad

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Killed my nightmare with bare hands


Posted By: Lax
Date Posted: 15 September 2011 at 9:24am
Wow man. This is really deep. Deeper than anything I have ever read before. First I gotta say that I'm sorry for the lost of your child and I hope that you've felt at least a bit better throughout theses years. As far as the piece goes, flow's a bit stretched but it really doesn't matter when you're reading something like this. beautiful piece


Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 16 September 2011 at 7:41pm
Agreed on this, Stal my heart goes out to you for real. Just know that if this verse makes just one person go home and hug their kid extra tight and know how blessed they are, it was worth all the effort it took for you to share this. 
 
glad you shared and Happy Birthday to your angel.


Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 18 September 2011 at 10:05pm
up!

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+Sick-Witted+


Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 19 September 2011 at 1:53am

Sorry for your loss man, this was one of the best heart feeling verse I've ever seen over here, so props for your effort.... life goes on man, so try to relax and take it ez...

Peace

1



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Posted By: seek truth
Date Posted: 01 October 2011 at 7:31pm
i know i'm realy late on commenting on this but whatever, that was the best i have seen on this page, fuck this is crazy. sorry for your loss, but wherever he is now, he is proud off you. never deupt that

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Hopesin
Vinnie Paz
SwizZz
G Mo Skee
Apathy
Benji (not the one you're thinking about)
...Hip Hop ain't dead....it's just not popular anymore


Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 03 October 2011 at 6:50pm
Can't say I can relate- as of yet...  and ain't lost someone THAT close to me (god bless).
But, I def~ feel every line of this tribute to your son, Stalin.  ~~~My respects.
 
Alot of lines can be identified with, and personally, I felt I HAD to keep reading. 
I could see how the 3rd verse was the toughest to write, speculating on
all the things that could have been... that's some rough moments right there.
 
 
Props on this, Fam.
 


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<font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR]


Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 13 November 2011 at 9:09pm
This takes me back . . .

Congratulations to you and yours for keeping on like you have...your progression in these five years deserves recognition, celebration. And this... well this just goes deep into every corner of your consciousness and puts it down on paper...or, screen, whatever...basically. I feel it. You can't not feel it. Honestly if you ever felt like breaking it down into proper bars/consistent structure the whole way through it could qualify as a fucking classic if it ever went down on a track...but I guess that isn't really the point, and would detract from the raw element of all this, which is completely uncensored from start to finish and just gets all that expression out there just as you intended... no embellishment, no padding out with filler, no conformity to criteria, no syllable count, no fear, no fronting... no doubt, you and your verse deserve all the credit they get

1


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. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .


Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 3:28pm
Can we get this into Classic Verses ?

Big ups to Stalin on this. Peeps need to see it.


Posted By: Manc
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 3:35pm
Agreed - this needs to be classified as classic rhyme


Posted By: Cee-Jay Outlaw
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 3:38pm
I Saw this ages ago when it was wrote and cant believe i didnt feed it, i swear i did... 
Like most on here the raw emotion and the way this was worded played on heartstrings it had to be the most realest stuff i've ever seen on L.A. Period! 

Sorry about your Loss Dude, couldnt imagine the pain you'd feel when this actually happens to you and i dont think i'd wish this pain on my worst enemy as life isnt something you wish away from anyone.. I'm struggling to think how hard it must have been for you to write this aswell dude... through blurry eyes and struggling to maintain yourself... somehow you did it..

I Agree with J504... CLASSIC VERSE THIS!


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http://s1203.photobucket.com/user/C33-J4Y/media/LyricistIncCeeJay.png.html" rel="nofollow">


Posted By: Psycho Tick
Date Posted: 11 July 2012 at 4:17pm
so what happens if we say something bad?
only playing this a sick piece,
loved the raw emotion,  
and probably one the best pieces ive read on this site so far



Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 08 April 2013 at 6:20am
Wow dude! this was very deep and emotional bro! Man, what a sad thing Stal, I feel for you 100. This piece had every bit of your emotion involved and just told your story and feelings so vividly. It's hard to feed this piece because I feel so much pulled into the situation from the read than the actual piece itself. You couldn't have said what you needed to say any better. This line here really caught my attention:

now all I could do is keep my head up and stay as strong as u would
Im so sorry Anthony, I had to let u go but I held u as long as I could

but the complete piece actually caught my attention.
Great drop, sorry for your loss and stay up bro!


Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 22 May 2013 at 5:38am
Seen this bein looked at, just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the comments. I appreciate it. Even reading it now is hard, yalls words mean alot.


Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 22 May 2013 at 5:18pm
This is still my jam, you already know.

Stay up, Stal.


Posted By: -Que-
Date Posted: 22 May 2013 at 7:19pm
I dunno if this was dropped during one of my disappearing acts or what. This is truly among the most deepest pieces I've ever read on L.A.
Stalin ..................I am very sorry for your loss bro.


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Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 5:56am
Thanks again for the comments everyone.. I still read this at times.


Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 6:00am
Thanks for gettin this into classic verses... appreciate it pb


Posted By: U.N.L.M.
Date Posted: 10 September 2013 at 4:29pm
Well-deserved as everyone has basically said. The ability to put these emotions into your verse is just spectacular in its own right. It's hard for anyone to read this drop without getting a lump in the back of your throat. Props on this, and keep going strong.

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Posted By: levy420
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 3:26am
Dam stalin this was really heart felt i got a boy n a girl who i raise on my own i couldnt imagine goin threw thst n i sympathise for wat u where faced with. real talk this had me in tears in the third verse all i could think is dam wat if my son jerome never made it n honestly i dont think i could b as strong as u so u got nothing bur respect from me in that aspect im sure this was a really hard peice for u to write theres nothing to criticide ur workin wit raw emotions so in some points the flows gonna b a lil sloppy but this came together nicely ill prolly read this every now n then. im sorry for ur loss stay up

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I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines


Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 5:26am
Stalin, I read this verse shortly after joining the site. I don't quite recall how I came about finding it however it's one of the reasons I decided to remain active. The true essence of an OM community is inevitably defined by the veterans who inhabit it and I'm happy you're still around.

I can't recall having fed many of your pieces and since I've read through this verse a few times I felt the need jot down a few words. 

More often than not, I feel songs don't transition well to OM drops, especially with chorus, however you throw the book out the window. Whether this was written in the modernly traditional OM format, prose, iambic pentameter, pig latin, it doesn't matter. It would transition well to anything simply because of the amount of emotion and pain laced from start to finish as well as the translucent letters between the lines. I feel that you have a natural ability to portray emotion through your writing in a way that the readers can essentially feel through your words. When you have a talent like that and pair it with a true tragedy, something beautiful can be born, sparking a small piece of light inside a pit of darkness. Going through something like this will inevitably harden the even the softest of temperaments, but you'll be able to live the rest of your life knowing that you created this rose which has grown through the pavement. 

I commend you for this piece and give you much overdue condolences. This is probably the most real verse that I've ever read sir.

Respect.


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Posted By: Vib.Klean
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 6:03pm
Even though youve never left comment on my shit,ive read over this a bunch of times in the hof andvthe emotion involved in this couldnt be clearer than floridian water. I can see tears dropoingvdown someones cheeks by the end of this.

You definitely know how to pull the audience in with your choice of words and very few people can do that while keeping it short and simple. Fuckvthe regular OM format,you did it your own way cuz u can.

This is coming from someone who doesnt give a fuck about anything he says/never think twice. I cant shit on this even if i wanted to.vthat third verse sealed my lips.

I see this was long ago ,we went back n forth in the OM for a bit but beef aside(i have none with u btw was just fuckin wit scotty)i give u the salute


Posted By: AshleyKaos
Date Posted: 09 December 2013 at 9:55am
amazing verse so beautiful... no words can describe hpw much of a perfect piece that was and how beautifully deep its meaning was..... braught a tear to my eye

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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME


Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 09 December 2013 at 9:19pm
Classic and beautiful. Glad I got to see this again. Blessings to you, Stal.

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Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 14 December 2013 at 6:02am
Thanks again for the additional feed yall..


Posted By: manik flowz
Date Posted: 20 January 2014 at 9:50am
real talk man this is beautiful thanks for sharing it as know so many people will relate to it in some way


Posted By: Mission
Date Posted: 16 September 2014 at 1:14am
this needs to be bumped. sorry scotty


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Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 24 October 2014 at 3:55am
Thanks manik and mission.


Posted By: Stalin
Date Posted: 24 October 2014 at 3:56am
Thanks manik and mission.

And mission i dont believe there should be rules against bumping thread in open mic. But thats my opinion. Im sure there are so many classic verses that get lost.


Posted By: Crimson Juice
Date Posted: 14 November 2018 at 9:40pm
I just had to leave a comment..



Well i'm 12 yrs too late,but this deserves to be revisited & feed when ever some
one has the urge to comment,truly I felt this and i hoped it gave you something
in the way of a coping mechanisms when it was written,and to be honest i found
it hard to finish because of the powerful and overwhelming emotions attached,
Its a magnificent eulogy that's standing the test of time,as the dates on the feed
left for it proves,this in essence makes a mockery of that saying "time is a good
healer,but a poor beautician",because this was and still is beautiful,i also want to
say thanks for the glimpse into your personal life via this window also..pure RIPE.
peace.

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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".



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