Open Mic: Queen of LA |
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AshleyKaos 
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Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
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 Topic: Queen of LAPosted: 07 February 2016 at 11:09am |
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still no bitch as active as me ? Sammy dropped a piece that sounded more like a story.. Bitch that shit aint rap, your boring, cant swipe at my glory Jackilope tried to battle to but got aborted like my amniotic seed... She fell to defeat and ended up endorsin me for free. I mean..I fuck bitches up just spitting keys! LA has many kings.. but only one Queen! See how i made history? Try as they might i will not be denied victory... Stay elivating consitently I stay on track with consistency.. These other mc's aint shit to me... It's something you dont wan't to miss... As much as they hate to Admit.. Im still the only female bitch that be spittin this shit! I got "Trenta Ocho's" and "Quatro Cinco's".. bullets fly in lyrics Like im a Gang Member with a strap, This Swag?.. they fear it Never backed down, I've paid dues and more... Took the L's but came back to even the score.. ....Real Talk..... I remember when i was the laughing stalk of this site ! They thought i was a joke that picked up the mic Now ive earned respect ! HA!... Yea thats right! I live up to the hype and welcome the spite... Ive been down for the fight ... This shit is my life, in my heart... Ive never been a fake ! I stay in the race and no poser can ever take my place! You come to LA and remember my face.. This path a hybrid of destiny and fate... I will go down as nothing other than historic! Watch, Im heading to the top and you cant ignore it I guess you could say that im soaring... Edited by AshleyKaos - 07 February 2016 at 11:14am |
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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NepentheZ
Superior Member 
... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
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Posted: 08 February 2016 at 10:44pm |
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So I clicked on this, saw the wall of text, and left. (Also I'm on dark theme, so red text + dark = hard to read, which also put me off)
I felt bad that I just flat out ignored you like that, even though you didn't know, so I came back and read it. It's decent. I don't know you, I assume I was already inactive at the point you joined, so I don't know your background with battle / drops, but this was pretty decent. Nothing amazing in terms of wordplay, similes or metaphors, but the story behind it was pretty strong. Maybe a little rushed / not thought out properly in places, with random rhyme structures changing, forcing the voice in my head to read it along to a completely different beat, but I feel what you're saying. Good shit.
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 I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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alicewonder
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Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Posted: 08 February 2016 at 11:58pm |
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I first assumed that this was written for the King/Queen of the Open Mic since that's what the title suggests. But upon having a glance at your verse, it's obvious that you took a different approach.
I liked your rhyming patterns, even though you had some uneven switch ups scheme-wise, it was kind of good. The flow was also smooth for most of the time. Content-wise, I wasn't feeling the first few bars of your verse, and not because you went at Sammy, although that alone could've formed my critique, but because it seemed to be a random, direct talk rather than thought out introductory bars. Thought that the "treinta ocho" bar had a nice tone to the overall verse. But I'm really fond of your second stanza, as you incorporated some interesting content. Combined with the directness, which you also evoked in your first stanza, it made for a nice read. I really liked the "this shit is my life, in my heart.." line, and the subsequent ones were good. Nice to see you dropping again.
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator 
Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Posted: 09 February 2016 at 7:54am |
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Well, well... shots fired.
Alicewonder basically said what I want to say, but I do have something I would like to add which I can not stress strongly enough. I don't care if you're a girl or not. If you got barz, you got em. If you don't, you don't. It's as simple as that. If you were a guy, you would have gotten exactly the same feedback. About your verse. Content wise, I wasn't really feeling the first verse but at the second verse you got me. The dedication and the urge to "win" was portrayed well and you did a really got job on that. Technique: What Alicewonder said. Some parts felt stretched and didn't flow well, for the rest it was a solid drop. For the next time, try to take a creative angle on being a female. Take Jean Grae for example... She's fire. |
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#Bananas
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 09 February 2016 at 9:07pm |
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wait, what?! u think i'm a girl?? maybe it was that one avatar i had back when lol.
Ok so yeah i will have to agree with the majority. the first stanza of the verse somewhat of a fail, i felt, due to the intended purpose. I believe it was supposed to be hard hitting on a battle rapping kind of level but it didn't really achieve. I think to pull that type of style off you have to really go with wits or violence or hard truth or just clowning the target, nah mean? I felt like there wasn't any of that in that first stanza. furthermore, it was a little unclear because half of it was about other people the other half was braggadocio and it didn't really harmonize well, whether it was due to wording or execution, not sure. But the second stanza, thats that shit right there. YOu didn't try you just let it GO. It was personal and the sincerity of it was a true standout of the entire verse. i think it summoned respect and ultimately empathy from us the readers and you did an awesome job there. overall pretty cool.
Edited by Sammy - 09 February 2016 at 9:23pm |
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X-Factious
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Joined: 26 January 2015 Location: Philosophy Status: Offline Points: 19 |
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Posted: 10 February 2016 at 12:45am |
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Lol@ thinking Sammy is just a female name...
The verse itself was too indirect with little attacks. No huge explosive motives either. Keep writing.
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