Open Mic: Quick spit

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Gunzofarsenal View Drop Down
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Joined: 15 April 2020
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    Posted: 15 April 2020 at 10:13pm
    I split heads like god splits Adams-
Spit'in bars that minds can't fathom-
Til' heads start rollin and these gunz start blastin.
    You say I, can't hack it-
Bite my tongue, hold back and stack it... til' I go full metal jacket
Wreck tha' bracket, cause the bracket... full of faggots-
   Suckin each other's dicks like they got Magnets-
These maggots.
    Cause... you don't mess with a man who'd down on his luck-
Cause he's a motherfucker that don't give a fuck-
    I've been fucked up on smack and shrooms, clean'n rooms, with broken
Brooms-
In my fruit of the looms-
   And still blown these MF'ers up like atomic mushrooms.
I feel the chill of a cold war-
The score? ...arsenal 1 and the rest... mill-
Murder 1 yes, that's a kill-
My skill, is the assult-
Straight slaughter, you might need holy water-
Cause, it's not my fault if I turn this fuck'n forum into a damn cult.

   



Edited by Gunzofarsenal - 15 April 2020 at 10:18pm
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 April 2020 at 9:01pm
Pro's.

Liking the rhyme scheme here read real quick surprisingly, your
first couplet was straight fire, really enjoyed the sprite and zest
within, that splitting Adam into Adams (via the rib concept also)
was very clever and creative i thought, you had this thug vibe run-
ning through and along side also, which on the norm i bite my
tongue and politely say it not my cup of tea, but this was slightly
different in that you added the self hype element, which for me
kept it from becoming stale, and to be honest i also enjoyed it for
once (the g vibe).

Cons.

My only minor gripe is the mid section, it kind of read Eminem-ish,
and predictable almost, not that it was bad because it wasn't, just
for me not as enjoyable as the strater/finishing segments..


Real nice piece here, that despite my gripe, was a cool read even
enjoyable, i dug it, and where the pleasure was mine...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Gunzofarsenal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Gunzofarsenal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 April 2020 at 10:43pm
Thanx yo and I do appreciate your feed back and I do get what you are say'n in the mid section it does got a em vibe to it ...I was trying to be more lite and kinda more fun but came a little across perhaps to cheeky but I will keep try'n
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