Topic ClosedUrban Legends: [R1-B5] Levy420 vs Kiki Spirez

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [R1-B5] Levy420 vs Kiki Spirez
    Posted: 22 May 2014 at 8:17pm
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16 - 24 Lines
Deadline: 29th May 2014 at 8:00pm BST (GMT + 1)
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Topic

Being an athelete at the Olympics


Edited by Scotty32 - 24 May 2014 at 12:05pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2014 at 1:15pm


Hear your National song, con conquering the composition, 
What would you do to get 1 on the competition?
Don with vision, or a disgrace to the face of the game? 
It's only nature to nurture weight in your lane, 
Late to the fame, but early to bad boy tabloid space,
Mad voids in your racing, so grab your breaks.. 

 Lost perspective for a quick minute, 
You spit, bleed and sweat.. But what's in it?

You know the hype stings when you wanna feel King,
Wanting gold on 5 rings, like a hand of real bling,
Steel brings you to the brink of sussing success,
Nothing but guttin' when you're putting ya' breath- 
To the ultimate test, no bluffin', just puffin' a chest- 
'Til guts are stutterin' mess- But 'got the will' like Jada's bush, 
Factor in a laboured push- THAT'S what makes the cut, 
Played ya' bud, then he went by ya' with a major strut,
Made ya' look in the mirror, but that was last line, 
Blast from the past mastered, lacks grasp of my lap time, 
That's fine.. Wanna go back to tracks? Back to basics?
Bro lacks and just floats back like scrapes in the Matrix..

Now i'm awake to the 'fail' shit, cos i've been gone a bit,
4 years training, now got pain from gaining in none of it,
Not a novice kid.. People telling me, 'you were the best'
Looking for positives, but only found one in the urine test..


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2014 at 4:55pm
winning the race since I passed threw moms vaginal wall
Developed a speed crawl before I could even walk
An I was running before I.could really talk
A more popular forest Gump with steez running miles
Fast forward I'm representing my country running miles
Passing the torch during the opening ceremony while
Butterflies hit my stomach neck starts chilling wild
dreaming of this day as a energetic child
I'm the underdog of the heap odds bottom piled
They underestimate Me I otta smile
bout to do the running man Hussain bolt style
Start stretching lace up the doggies warm up my toes
By the fire of the gun I'm one up on my foes
Out of the gate leading by a nose
Wheeling the quarter mile like a Earnhardt Jr pose
Sealing my fate Olympians own
Hairless dome
Aerodynamics skin bare to the bone American bold
Fuck a silver or bronze I'm aiming for gold
USA I'm bringing it home Sprint past tripping Britain an Rome
My wind smacking a African at the finish line I stand alone
Olympia I'm here take your son to the throne

I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 May 2014 at 12:38am
Great battle guys.

Keeks: Great verse man, you had a nice choice of words and the rhymes were tight. You had a dope story and an interesting angle. I liked the "drugs cheat" storyline, it was quite unexpected to go that way wih the story. Your opener set the tone quite well for what was to follow, and you went on from there.

Levy: This was a good read. You told a good story and it was a good take on the topic. You had decent flow but it did get a bit choppy towards the middle but you got it back on track. If I had a criticism it would be your word choices, you repeaed yourself a few times but nothing major. I liked your opener was funny and you wet from there.

Really hard choice to pick a winner here. Both had good verses each with its own strengths and weaknesses. But MVGT Kiki Spirez for a slightly better verse. Great job Lev.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2014 at 8:18am
Kiki Spirez the flow to yours was good and the multies and inners added to the complex nature of it, would have been good to see you more broadly cover all events of the Olympics or throw in a twist but the style came through good and it gelled together well around the concept, some parts the rhymes could have been slightly smarter like that Jadas bush one, the inner got there but with no multi on the line that line read a little disjointed but overall it met the topic well and was a dope drop

levy420, your flow was aiit in this but that running miles running miles bar was where yours fell off to me. The concept was cool from the perspective of being someone who was driving to win but your multies and inners weren't as dramatic as Kikis so your style in this piece let you down in that respect, felt like you could have brought it harder with how it was writ stylistically and in its complexity

MVGT Kiki Spirez
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2014 at 8:00pm
Keeks...

What I liked - complexity in rhyme scheme, generally your technical approach was really strong, I liked how you took a topic about an athlete in the Olympics and turned it around to be about a drugs cheat.

What I thought you could've done better - For me, I thought you could've really delved into the psyche of the athlete a bit more...whys he a cheat, what conflicts does that spring within him, what does he feel like knowing people treat him like a peer and he doesn't deserve to be there? Personally I felt you were limited by the complexity that you brought...it's unbelievably difficult to develop your narrative within the confines of that strict rhyme scheme you set yourself. At times it came off a bit showy from a technical perspective whereas I would've liked you to explore your concept a bit more because I thought you had a really good idea. It's really about applying that same skill in terms of phrasing your rhyme scheme to shaping an overall concept. Personally I think you have enough fluidity/rhythm within your base structure to dial down the rhyming and dial up the story.

Overall, from a technical POV I was impressed in how you stitched this together...I would've liked to see that same skill set applied to shaping the narrative a bit more. Good verse, could've been a great one.

Lev...

What I liked - You had more of a straight up progressive narrative than Keeks, and I actually really liked that whole part from the 'wheeling the quarter mile' up to 'Britain and Rome'. Also liked that you didn't feel like you had to pack your lines with a whole lot of content...some of them were pretty short and snappy but it kept things moving along nicely

What I thought you could've done better - I don't think you really had that cool idea/twist that Kiki had so although I like how you played it out in a A to B to C kind of way, there wasn't really anything unexpected or amazing in there that blows my head off and think "oh shit!!", I think you also kind of got off to a slow start as I didn't really think there was much stand out in a big part of your opening section. To me it reads like you thought 'Olympics, cool, let's start writing' and you never really gave it any thought in terms of how you would make your verse stand out. Think that's why you get a bit into the verse, you get into it a bit more and then you start coming up with some better quality stuff.

Overall - I think if you showed the level of quality you did towards the end & also given the story a bit more thought in terms of how you were going to approach it you might've caused an upset here, but, based on what you dropped I think Keeks is a clear winner here. Still, good effort...Keep at it.

Vote = Keeks, more original spin on the topic and that combined with his consistent technique saw him trump Levy's more simplistic approach.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2014 at 8:29pm
3 KO, Kiki advances to the next round.
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