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Scotty32 
Site Owner 
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
 Topic: [R1-B8] YoungChef vs XLNCPosted: 22 May 2014 at 8:19pm |
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Rules 16 - 24 Lines Deadline: 1st June 2014 at 8:00pm BST (GMT + 1) No extensions will be given - Late Entry = DQ Verses to be posted in this thread Crew Votes Allowed Participant Voting Allowed Topic You are one of the people part of the Mars One project *edit*
The wrong topic was used by mistake. I've added the correct topic and changed the deadline to reflect the mistake Edited by Scotty32 - 26 May 2014 at 2:49pm |
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YoungChef
Groupie 
Joined: 01 May 2014 Location: Dallas Status: Offline Points: 109 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-0 Form: LLWLLW |
Posted: 01 June 2014 at 1:50am |
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GL XL
Uh... let me set the scene with my bars... It's 20-24 and I'm off to mars Brought my whole team an we aiming for the stars Bumpin nas~ An stuffin a cigar~ Coolin' in the shuttle got the weed In a jar We party hard~ no matter where we are Smoke in the air, earth in the rearview Gettin' high while we gettin' high, flyin by We can't-hear-you MARS-ONE we on the run, the law was catchin' up, said we had our fun New life begun a little closer to the sun When from another shuttle I hear brooks n' dunn Out comes XL and we jus lookin' stunned We roll up on em with the beef for his bun This guy's a joke so I'm crackin' big puns we begin to battle but he's already done Now the battle's bein' judged by a couple of nuns sayin' im too twisted and that X-L won Ain't that some shit |
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"All I need is one mic..."
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XLNC
Standard Member 
Joined: 06 April 2014 Location: Drinkin with ya mom Status: Offline Points: 922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-3 Form: WWLWNW |
Posted: 01 June 2014 at 7:29pm |
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^^^Lol Thats not a Topical verse
Ey Yo... "X,where are ur books???Y don't u study???" my mom always soundin tense, And Now here I am,An Astronaut,But she never lived that far too sense, They call me The Spaceman,I'm an Explorer but the one who takes risks, Kno's out there is like'Case and Scams' but fuck it I see the brighter shit, And if the situation fits but the risk fire lits,It's more complicated, But wen NASA wants a successful mission It's X who's eagerly waited, I'm sewin loose ends,The things I missed and lost,But to live big's my plan, I got the chance,The Boss came said,"Son Make me proud,Ur off to the Mars van", It's 8 July 2014,I'm here in 'The Dream cum True' fest, Crew in the shuttle 'Mars One',Scared and prayin to God,Wishin luck,"Do ur best", And here we go.... The ships off,We wit our hearts in mouth, And without a doubt,Human Evolution took a big step 'Out', General Jokes between us,Titters but a bitter Taste in mouth, The question poppin out "Will we survive",pessism filled environment like drought, But,Optimism counts,We kno the fact,"Our legacy's mount", And The sound,'Cheers',Luv u mom,A New world has been Found |
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Cain
Banned 
Joined: 11 March 2014 Status: Offline Points: 83 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-1 Form: LWWN |
Posted: 01 June 2014 at 9:13pm |
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This seems pretty clear. A topical verse vs I don't know what the hell young chefs was.
Chef - The point of a topical is to drop a verse about the said subject. Yours was all over the place and far from staying on subject. There is no point or need to even have your opponent mentioned unless you are involving him in the story. And spending time to actually diss your opponent is irrelevant to the subject. Imagery is the most important part of a topical and you didn't really touch it. XL - decent, the subject matter was ok, but I felt it left a bit to be desired. Maybe that's just cause of the approach you took on it though. Vote - XL for obvious reasons
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levy420
Superior Member 
Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN |
Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:25am |
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Young- you had no story line really if it was there it was way off topic I think u got the concept of topical battling wrong
That being said some of those lines where funny Xlnc decent quite like Cain said structure wasn't bad either next round try adding some plot twist an work on vocab a bit take your time you will hold your own But for having more of a topical verse Xlnc gets my vote |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 02 June 2014 at 3:58am |
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YoungChef: levy said it best as in you got the concept of topical battle wrong. No depth, No emotion, No Story.. Where is the imagery and descriptiveness at. You used the common theme of the concept, but didn't have anything about the actual "Mars project" concept. If you don't know what it is do a little research on it before you write. The overall verse was just very sloppily put together and the best advice I can give is to read some other topical battles and get a feel for the different styles people use and how there verses coincide with the topic of the battle.
XLNC: Def have a better gist of a topical than your opponent. A little simplistic in all areas, and the I thought the overall verse was a bit messy. There wasn't any real depth to the story you brought, you just kind of took the topic and went off of it. I didn't feel any emotion, or get enough descriptiveness and imagery to picture the scenes or what was going on. You need to do a bit better with your wording to really suck someone into your story. Add a twist, use a good conflict to build up your plot with and then put a nice closure to it. Also, idk if anyone else caught you sway above the verse, but I wasn't really feeling that either. Let the voters decide what his verse is like, your an opponent, that isn't your call to make. MVGT: XLNC - For the obvious, there isn't any more need for an explanation, you can pick it out of my feedback.
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Scotty32
Site Owner
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 02 June 2014 at 11:34am |
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3 KO to XLNC, he's through to the next round
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