Topic ClosedUrban Legends: [R2-B4] Point Blank vs The Law

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [R2-B4] Point Blank vs The Law
    Posted: 04 June 2014 at 7:17pm

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Nationalism

Great and Glorious Supreme Presidential Leader of the People's Democratic Republic of LA
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 June 2014 at 5:58pm
*Disclaimer... I feel like I need to clarify that these are not my views, this is purely fictional. I approached the 'Nationalism' theme with the 'This is England' mentality. If you've seen the film you'll know what I mean.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"THIS IS ENGLAND!" - I'm british and proud and I sing it aloud
If you've never seen corruption... then you'll witness it now...

When it comes to immigration, we should repeat the laws of Thatcher's era
I agree with calls to ban the burka - concealing shalls are masks for murder
My views are strong and yet I have to seem a more relaxed observer
I must bide my time and wait til I proceed and take my actions further
I draw back my fervour, though I love my country I serve to protect
I'm white and British, a minority now observed as a threat
To the gaggle of preachers, the mass of islamic extremists
Who scrounge our benefits then act is if they're branded as creatures
We gave to them buildings in which they're raising their children
While they're blowing up our busses and putting blades to civilians
They disrespect our Queen's ethos, it seems the worth of her throne's damaged
They're not proud to be in our country and converse in their own language
We need to get our grit back, the spirit of the bulldog!
Revitalise our nation as these immigrants are blood clots
From day to day, I'm simply sick of arguing with these sorts
It might take you by suprise that I'm a... sergeant in the police force....
A controversial ideology? My men concur with my philosophy!
They stand with me - we'll gradually converge to fight democracy
Cos when it comes to thwarting the systems, you need support and persistance
We're British til we die... and this could turn to war in an instance...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2014 at 5:44am



A

From castaways of England, to Roanoke, and failed settlements
Thirteen Colonies in genesis were the elements to our precedence
Began with the credulous that would become our nations excellence
From puritans and anglo-saxons, to a revolutionary light born
To the very first day that the American Bill of Rights Form
With our Nation in all attendance
For the Declaration of Independece
From Our first congress to our first president elected in
From John Adams, to the famous Thomas Jefferson
From a revolultion within our own walls with bravery and logic
To the Confederates getting their slavery abolished
From two world wards, 27 amendments
To a court system that delivers a felon their sentence
From this great depression, To This current Great Recession
The greatest weapons, with the whole worlds attention
We are a nation under god, we are one united together
Remorsing in September, and showing we won't surrender
We are america, where each boy and girl deserves a life
From Europe To Asia to the Hispanics… The Worlds Most Diversified.
The strongest country of all, Facing Whatever
A Nation Forever 
….
Together, Under God, We Stand to Our Feet and Go To Our Grave
We Are the United States, Land of The free, And Home of The Brave. 



Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2014 at 4:35pm
PB: Awesome verse bro, you nailed the subject no doubt. your verse flowed extremely well, i loved the way you told the story and the wording of the lines was really tight also. And this exerpt right here was my favourite of the whole damn thing.

 I draw back my fervour, though I love my country I serve to protect
I'm white and British, a minority now observed as a threat
To the gaggle of preachers, the mass of islamic extremists
Who scrounge our benefits then act is if they're branded as creatures
We gave to them buildings in which they're raising their children
While they're blowing up our busses and putting blades to civilians

This was sick excellently put together. Great Job 

Law: Again a really awesome verse, you had mad internals to keep the flow and great multis. You had a different approach to the topic. You kept to the topic very well and told an excellent story. This bit was my favourite of the piece, great imagery and excellent flow.

From a revolultion within our own walls with bravery and logic
To the Confederates getting their slavery abolished
From two world wards, 27 amendments
To a court system that delivers a felon their sentence
From this great depression, To This current Great Recession
The greatest weapons, with the whole worlds attention
We are a nation under god, we are one united together
Remorsing in September, and showing we won't surrender

Overall an excellent match up here. Both brought their A-Game and because of this their verse were an really good enjoyable read never boring at any point. So going on which i preferred reading at which was the most enjoyable Point Blank GMV but maior props to Law for a thoroughly great verse.





The Amount of Fucks given: Zero
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 June 2014 at 1:50am
Pb - you brought the heat here. When I read this I imagined a Britain First scumbag and really wanted to knock you the fuck out ;) Flow was tight and wording was economical and punchy. Rhymes were smooth and you had some nice strings in there.  The use of the topic in such a relevant way to the current islamophobia that's sweeping this once great nation of ours adds a lot of credibility, if BF saw this they'd probably hire you on the spot, nice work.

Law - I liked this a lot. You have a very very tight control over your words, that requires a lot of skill. When a person can utilize words in such a focused way without wasting any syllables it really shows an advanced level of craftmanship, so I want you to know that 1.It was noticed, and 2.I was appreciated.  Rhyme-wise you're on par with the best we have at LA, and as a "flow lover" I gotta say I find the schemes you use very entertaining. Topic-wise you did pretty well, I definitely felt your connection to the subject matter, I just kinda feel you could get that "national pride" to shine through a little stronger, to me this read kinda like a speech a politician might make, and that worked, but it didn't quite hit that Abe Lincoln "four score and seven..." gravitas. Still excellent work.

This was another close one, again major props to both of you guys. Both of you brought it, completely different takes, completely different styles, I love it when battles go down like this. PB brought the fucked up side of nationalism and connected with me on a very personal level as I'm currently fighting my ass off to stop fucks who really are like he wrote from spreading their hate. Law showed he's a patriot and hit it with an almost presidential quality. Because he made that connection with me I'm gonna have to give this to Point Blank. I will say though, that you nailed this too Law, and I can see alot of US heads voting for you, just PB's topic hits me close to the heart. Great battle, loving this side of the tourney. Props 

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2014 at 12:21am
"THIS IS ENGLAND!" - I'm british and proud and I sing it aloud
If you've never seen corruption... then you'll witness it now...

When it comes to immigration, we should repeat the laws of Thatcher's era
I agree with calls to ban the burka - concealing shalls are masks for murder
My views are strong and yet I have to seem a more relaxed observer
I must bide my time and wait til I proceed and take my actions further
I draw back my fervour, though I love my country I serve to protect
I'm white and British, a minority now observed as a threat

"Great opening section..........Really took the topic as literal and nailed it from that angle...Last line of this set was the one that brought the whole attitude approach home......Sadly this is a common misconception and using it was perfect"

To the gaggle of preachers, the mass of islamic extremists
Who scrounge our benefits then act is if they're branded as creatures
We gave to them buildings in which they're raising their children
While they're blowing up our busses and putting blades to civilians

"Just getting stronger and stronger here.................Keeping it real..........This is edgy and its working in context really well"

They disrespect our Queen's ethos, it seems the worth of her throne's damaged
They're not proud to be in our country and converse in their own language
We need to get our grit back, the spirit of the bulldog!
Revitalise our nation as these immigrants are blood clots
From day to day, I'm simply sick of arguing with these sorts
It might take you by suprise that I'm a... sergeant in the police force....
A controversial ideology? My men concur with my philosophy!
They stand with me - we'll gradually converge to fight democracy
Cos when it comes to thwarting the systems, you need support and persistance
We're British til we die... and this could turn to war in an instance...

"You didnt go the obvious route...................You did portray the topic to perfection though"

..............................................................................................................
From castaways of England, to Roanoke, and failed settlements
Thirteen Colonies in genesis were the elements to our precedence
Began with the credulous that would become our nations excellence
From puritans and anglo-saxons, to a revolutionary light born
To the very first day that the American Bill of Rights Form
With our Nation in all attendance
For the Declaration of Independece

" Really portrayed this opening set well.......Theres a great sense of pride attached to nationalism through history here.........Great connection made......its hitting the subject from a nice angle"

From Our first congress to our first president elected in
From John Adams, to the famous Thomas Jefferson
From a revolultion within our own walls with bravery and logic
To the Confederates getting their slavery abolished
From two world wards, 27 amendments
To a court system that delivers a felon their sentence
From this great depression, To This current Great Recession
The greatest weapons, with the whole worlds attention
We are a nation under god, we are one united together
Remorsing in September, and showing we won't surrender
We are america, where each boy and girl deserves a life
From Europe To Asia to the Hispanics… The Worlds Most Diversified.
The strongest country of all, Facing Whatever
A Nation Forever 
….
Together, Under God, We Stand to Our Feet and Go To Our Grave
We Are the United States, Land of The free, And Home of The Brave. 

"John john Mclane........ this shitt was Die Hard Americano glorification.....Loved the melting pot ref....< Worlds attention was worked in nice. I think you nailed this topic"




" Great battle, Great writers.......... really enjoyed reading both verses.......This battle is as close as fuck......Do I go with the Law and his brilliant positive vibe type number or do i go with Point and his very negetive type theme? Both are written very well so its an overall preference of verse thing that its gonna come down to"
Vote Law

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2014 at 9:42pm
great battle you 2.....this was fun to read

PB: this was an awesome read, im from the United States so some of the things didnt hit home to me, but i enjoyed reading it, you had a decent flow with good wording i feel...as far as staying on topic I think you hit the nail on the head....

My views are strong and yet I have to seem a more relaxed observer
I must bide my time and wait til I proceed and take my actions further
I draw back my fervour, though I love my country I serve to protect
I'm white and British, a minority now observed as a threat
To the gaggle of preachers, the mass of islamic extremists
Who scrounge our benefits then act is if they're branded as creatures

this was my favorite part..... good job


The Law.......Bro those last two lines... CAN U SAY FUCK YEAH 'MERICA!!!! 
i liked reading this cause Im from USA and I relate to this shit, u stayed on topic very well imo...
dope flow also line after line u kept it rollin...nice shit.......as i mentioned before my favorite lines were definitely that closer........

Honestly this is very difficult to decide, cuz I relate to Laws it Hit Home with me....
PB's was constructed to have that dark undertone to it which I love...

Have to reread them.......Man this is tough....

MVGT..... Law 

Basically i think u guys are bout tied up in every cat except flow which is where i think Law took this one...GREAT BATTLE, by no means am I saying PB didnt rep cuz he did

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 June 2014 at 10:39am
Point Blanks was a really well versed definition of the ideas behind nationalism in bandying together as a nation to exclude certain sectors of society, grouping together in unity among those familiar to the group in nationality, it was racist but so is nationalism and it wasn't taken as your views but helped portray a picture of what nationalism is like to those that follow it. Bulldog and bloodclot was the only bar that didn't end in a rhyme for me in the whole verse but the imagery, descriptiveness and multies for the rest were on point. I had to google nationalism before reading to get a feel for what it entails as I ain't know exactly, it's like:

1.at an inter-group level, humans respond to competition or conflict by organizing into groups to either attack other groups or defend their group from hostile groups
2.at the intragroup level, individuals gain advantage through cooperation with others in securing collective goods that are not accessible through individual effort alone
3.on the individual level, self-interested concerns over personal fitness by individuals either consciously or subconsciously motivate the creation of group formation as a means of security

felt like on reading PBs verse that this hit the mark and was on topic, it brought that British national pride and you brought inners in the verse that helped the flow read through, the structure was random but in a verse like this that just added to the speed of the reading

The Law, that flag was good and symbolic as an opening gif in that national flags, national anthems and other symbols of national identity are commonly considered highly important symbols of the national community. In reading your verse though it read to be more representative of Nationalisms history in America. I don't know that I agree with writing 21 lines and including some bitten national anthem lines to get to 23 and some of those lines were really short, they did make the structure look cool but they read to me to really undermine your creativity normally seen in your battles, the flow and the multies and the story of American nationalism was all good but I don't think your verse was as on topic as Point Blanks. It was a well written and concise american national verse but it would have been good to see it fleshed out more

MVGT Point Blank
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 June 2014 at 12:05pm
3-2 PB
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2014 at 10:11pm
24 hr bump. 
Let's go people. 
Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2014 at 3:13pm
PB - very well written verse. The fact that u took a topic that could have been boring and put that spin on it was dope. Like how u tied the story back into the opening. The flow was flawless throughout; you had a good use of transitional rhymes that really helped for a smooth read. Me being from America, it was cool to read this and hear things from an overseas point of view (not saying that's how you see things); but u made the character believable throughout. Dope shyt

Law - The fact that u briefly went through u.s. history in rhyme format is amazing in itself. Bar for bar you were nailing every multi flawlessly I personally enjoyed this particular segment most

From Our first congress to our first president elected in
From John Adams, to the famous Thomas Jefferson
From a revolultion within our own walls with bravery and logic
To the Confederates getting their slavery abolished
From two world wards, 27 amendments
To a court system that delivers a felon their sentence

thats just good shit right there. Overall this was an interesting battle with two contrasting stories. I think PB slightly edged this out; with both verses being written so well I boiled it down to which verse was more entertaining. Great drop guys
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2014 at 3:15pm
Didnt realize Laws feed was so short; if need be I can elaborate more my bad about that
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2014 at 6:46pm
Hmmm...

PB

What I liked...interesting direction in terms of having that "national pride" type thing & cool kind of look at British society through a Nationalist lens. I liked that kind of 'Line of Duty' idea of infiltrating the police force to further your agenda. I thought you had some cool quotables in there where the line flowed really smooth, for instance, converse in their own language, immigrants are blood clots.

What I thought could've been better...I'm in two minds about how you executed the concept, I guess the idea was to step away from the 'veiled racism through stupidity' type thing & show I more kind of "corrupt"/calculated approach...which I liked, but I dunno, it might like he didn't really have that kind of hateful passion that would drive him, or at least it didn't come across in the voice of the narrator. I also didn't really get why you'd be like "hey I'm a sergeant in the police force", I digest the kind of need for a reveal but I dunno, it didn't really seem plausible that if your character is calculating that he would be telling his story in this way? I guess what I'm saying is conceptually I really liked the approach but I think you needed to kind of think a bit more how you marry the narration to that concept...the first person style plays well, but you need to make it more about a character play in that sense, it's central to the credibility.

That said, it's obviously a high level criticism, I think there's a lot to like about your idea and the way you did it...that's really the difference between something that's very good and great. Other thing I'd mention is your sometimes guilty of writing your setup lines in a slightly jumbled way to get your super complex multi in...especially in a character type verse I don't think that's as important & considering you had a pretty good rhythm going at points I didn't think you needed to be as heavy in your rhyme complexity to maintain that rhythm (e.g, worth of her thrones damaged...would he speak like that?)

So yeah, overall, I enjoyed it but think you could've been a bit sharper / more convincing in terms of execution of the idea.

Law

What I liked...first thing I noticed was that this was a much cleaner drop than PB's...you didn't have anything particularly where I thought the wording was off (exception being the start which I thought was a little rhyme heavy, bordering on fillerish) so from a technical point of view I thought you were ahead. I thought you wrote a pretty solid verse on a tricky topic to get right & keep engaging...you showed you know your stuff & kept it quite varied actually, when you consider you could easily just kind of go over yourself again and again with your chosen angle. I liked your style and fluidity was really good.

What I thought could've been improved...I think you were ultimately quite limited with what you could do with your idea, once you kind of go for the celebratory approach & have an impersonal, stand offish narration (I.e. This isn't a story about a character in which the character speaks through the voice of the verse, it's an abstract/removed narrator) I think you make it quite difficult to make the verse compelling / inspiring enough to make me as a reader go "wow, that was awesome I really enjoyed that as a verse"...I guess what I'm trying to say is that regardless of how well you executed your idea it's never going to make me think that's it's going to be a classic.

So yeah, I think the choice here is between a verse that was an ok idea and written to almost the maximum potential of the idea and a verse that was a much more compelling/in depth approach that although wasn't perfect in terms of how it was delivered was still kind of very good. I guess what I'm saying is that Law's given himself the ability to hit 7/10 and he's nailed 7/10 and Point has given himself the potential to hit 10/10 and he's hit 8/10.

So for me, my vote goes to Point...in the end I think his verse was just overall a better more interesting read.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2014 at 9:06pm
Thanks for your time on the votes fellas, 5-2 to me

Unlucky Law, dope verse
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 June 2014 at 10:22pm
Point wins 5-2 and is through to the next round.
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