Urban Legends: [R3-B2] Trizzy Tre vs Exoduzt |
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Topic: [R3-B2] Trizzy Tre vs Exoduzt Posted: 23 June 2014 at 11:08am |
Rules 24-34 Lines 3 KO or First to 5 Verse Deadline: 30th June 2014 at 10:00pm BST (GMT + 1) Voting Deadline: 7th July 2014 at 10:00pm BST (GMT + 1) No extensions will be given - Late Entry = DQ Crew Votes Allowed Current Participant Voting Disallowed Previous Participant Voting Allowed Topic Edited by Scotty32 - 24 June 2014 at 2:58pm |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 30 June 2014 at 1:53am |
It wasn't just a car jack I did mean for this to happen... I waited till the bar packed & for her to leave so she's trapped in... my scheme of stealing cars fast it would make you believe in magic... But Karens screams were tragic So I had to relieve this madness... She pleaded faster and screamed fine here are the keys you needy bastard!... she kept saying why me and then she received an answer... I told her that she killed my son & needed practice on treating cancer... then she started breathing faster like a demons after her seedling's stature... "Human beings matter you fucking cunt the meaning's plastered"... All over the hospital you work at, on the walls in posters & signs.. So raise your drink Karen and give a toast to the skies... what a roller coaster of rides cus your the one who was suppose to of died... Start closin' ya eyes cus It's atrocious your hopeless cus I know that you lied... I brought him in for visits but you didnt catch it fast enough... It's blasphemous He was strong but he just kept actin' tough... you talked the talked but lacked the strut now you plead for life? Bitch don't ask for much... I packed a gun cus you said I lacked the funds but my son's casket was... A lot more than your life and everyone that your the closest to... So the prognosis due is that your all dead So my ferocious flew... with every trigger pulled or swing of the knife I know it's true... I need to hide this so I keep living my life cus what I'm going thru... is the boldest truth but I need to hide the evidence... So it's evident I need to stash the vehicles at my parents residence... My son was heaven sent so now is everyone that you loved... And it all looks like car jackings hidden past the shrubs... I was never a suspect just acted dumb... until one day my parents neighbors complained... To say its insane that their property value lessens laying the blame... on the cars in the back So I started to act sharper than tacs... damn if the police even knew part of the facts they'd be cartin my ass... rite to prison so I decided to turn back into a shark that attacks... I remembered how it was like gasoline & I was endoused with liars... So I used the same method on the neighbors and set the house on fire!.. |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Posted: 30 June 2014 at 5:35pm |
….its all that’s left, a scene almost from science fiction… They attacked our world, tried to end our existence… Their mission? Extinction of the human race wiped clean… Spacecrafts engulfed the view of sun beams, shit our planet had unseen… The bright skies turned a night rise, as fear brought new insanity…. Turned a normal day into a desperation for humanity… Weeks prior, “Can it be?” We all thought, as our race all mentioned… Finally we got the answer of that age old question… ARE WE ALONE? The president quickly addressed the matter… “Do not be afraid, they come in peace and not attackers”… For days the ships sat above our skies, patient for guidance.. So many crafts we couldn’t even see the new day sun horizon… 5 weeks gone by, no contact or communication…. Escalated uncertainty why they’re here led to more speculation… Continued the waitin…the world thought whats our fate… But on July 1th 2014…well, that was the date… Driving home from work, got a knot in the pit of my stomach… Looked up and saw thousands of little ships soaring down coming… Look ahead of me and tons of people started sprinting n running… Shock went through my body, sweat poured down, its mind numbing… Jerked the wheel into a wooded area, others followed the traffic… A loud bombing echo went off and cars flew in the air, shits tragic… I was lifted up, my vehicle crashed down but that sound I wont forget… People crying to the heavens, asking what this planet did…? Why do we deserve this shit? Keeping this globe secure for our kids… That night the moon was eclipsed by more firing and smoke… Everywhere was leveled for something we never provoked… Countries fell to their power, new rulers were created… A new alien government moved in and then was reinstated… Normalcy faded, so these remains are all that’s felt from the battlefield… We’re put into prison from beings far beyond our stratosphere… The time is near, where we’ll be executed…. Our life and whole existence…we’re next to lose it… We abused it, these beings just couldn’t stand it… All because of the toxic dumps and pollution destroying the planet…. |
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JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Posted: 30 June 2014 at 9:14pm |
Wow honestly didn't see that... i am really impressed....
I think this is a real close battle here both of you wrote extremely entertaining pieces here. This is going to come down to reader preference.... for me though i think tre took this topic and twisted it and made it something none seen coming..... His topic grabbed my attention from the jump were as Ex took me a few bars to set the mood and really get me into it... Not knocking either style... these as OM's would be 5 stars easily.... My Vote however goes to Trizzy Tre for the spin and overall i have to say his story grabbed me more...
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SwordedStylez
Superior Member Joined: 16 August 2007 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 4921 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-1 Form: WWWN |
Posted: 01 July 2014 at 1:02am |
Exo - Your rhymes and flow have this awesome effect where they literally walk me through the story like they've grabbed hole of my hand and said "come on, mate, let's go for a journey. " I love the pulse of the flow and it makes it so easy to immerse myself in the story. This was a really clever use of the picture actually and not one I would've thought of myself, I like how the story developed and you captured the man disturbed from loss excellently. Some parts were a little clumsy in delivery, but those are more noticeable because the rest is so well done. Not the best verse I've seen from you, and I can tell you struggled here as it's not as natural in your "writer's voice" but all in all a very solid drop with great technique.
Trizz - This was a fairly enjoyable read, I was surprised actually, I've not seen you write inthis style yet and I quite like it. Flow's a bit clumsy, and unfortunately you suffer from forcing your wording to make it rhyme which gives it a "yoda speak" tendency. Things like "as our race all mentioned" which is just weird sounding and "but that sound I won't forget" it's essentially talking backwards. Unfortunately the lack of language control/skill actual detracts away from a nice story, which is a pity to me. The story itself was enjoyable, you developed your ideas very well and it was again another interesting take on the picture that I wouldn't have thought of myself. Overall this battle was ok. I loved the idea of pictures for this round and the way it left things so open for interpretation and both emcees came creative with it. The huge difference in technical skill however has made this an easy vote for me. Whilst Trizz had a very enjoyable piece there were too many clumsy wordings and forced rhymes which detracted from the story too much for me. Exo came a lot more correct, and despite some clumsiness he simple outclassed Trizz in every technical aspect. As I couldn't choose who's story was more enjoyable, and both used the topic well, my vote goes to Exoduzt for a superior flow, delivery and use of rhyming.
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Music
Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's) |
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H4ZE
Standard Member Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
Posted: 02 July 2014 at 3:32pm |
Nice battle here guys, both of you dropped really entertaining and enjoyable pieces for this.
Exo- your story was cool and you had nice flow and rhyme schemes which also helped draw me into the story you wrotez you developed the story well and didn't rush through anything. But I've seen better from you though, this was a pretty nice piece though. Triz- your story drew me in right away, I don't think I ever would've thought of this from that picture, this was really creative and pretty well written. You had some nice multis and a decent flow, but some of the wording was a little awkward, I really enjoyed the story though, you developed the story well, this was a nice piece man. Overall, both of you did good, this was close for me, tre's verse drew me in more but Exos was more technical. Both of you came creative and did your thing, but I think im gonna have to go with tre for drawing me in more with the story. Both of you did great here so props. But mvgt Tre for this one.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 03 July 2014 at 12:30am |
Exo - Dope piece. This was an awesome approach and you executed it well. Your rhyme scheme and internals made this piece read very smoothly. I thought the style that you added with continuing the line onto the 'next line' if that makes sense. For example this bar
"I need to hide this so I keep living my life cus what I'm going thru... is the boldest truth but I need to hide the evidence…" The ending was a perfect way to end this topical as well. I wouldn't' say this was my favorite drop from you, but it was definitely a solid, very strong drop for the semi-finals of this tournament. Great job. On a side note the first line think it suppose to be I didn't* mean. The "So my ferocious flew" line also seemed a bit forced for me. Didn't come off as smooth. But very little mistakes on your end. Trizzy Tre - The way you opened your verse was outstanding and definitely, had the ability to draw any reader in to want to continue reading. You brought a nice approach to the topic picture and progressed through your story well. However, I didn't feel you closed off this topical as well as it opened up. When I started reading it, I thought damn this is going to be a good ass story, and towards the ending, I didn't have that feeling like the piece was actually put to a nice closure by saying that it was all because of the pollution. Another issue with the ending, was that you were writing in a more personal POV, but once your car slammed down it just progressed quickly to the end. But what happen to the person that was driving after he crashed and heard the sound? Besides, that I thought there were some wording problems. "not attackers, new day sun horizon, speculation/communication, ships soaring down coming" lines. There may have been more as well, but all of these lines seemed like they were either worded wrong or a bit iffy on the flow. MGVT: Exo - I thought Tre had a more unique approach, Exo's verse didn't have too many mistakes with the execution of a couple awkward lines and a spelling mistake that I saw. I thought exo verse was executed a bit better and just had a smoother read. It's definitely a close one though. Tre opened up his topical hot, and exo finished off his topical hot. It' will be all down to preference for most voters, but for me I am going with technicality here because my enjoyment level is the same for both of these verses. |
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Sensei Shun
Groupie Joined: 28 September 2013 Status: Offline Points: 102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: WWLW |
Posted: 04 July 2014 at 4:56am |
Ayoo..We seem to have a real barn burner here. Hope you guys don't mind me voting. Because this is so fucking close, I will use a categorical breakdown to illustrate how I came to my conclusion.
Creativity » Exoduzt Very close category. You both had interesting approaches to the topic. But, in my opinion, Exo's serial killer angle was just a little bit more left field, in my opinion. Flow » Exoduzt Honestly, the few instances of akward wording really hurt the flow for Trizzy's verse. ("Planet had Unseen", "New day sun horizon", and "Soaring down coming," for example.) Exo was certainly a bit more polished. Rhyme Scheme » Exoduzt More complex scheme work. Also, Exo relied less on slant rhymes. Topic/Consistency » Tie Both of you had great angles, and incorporated the picture nicely. Loved both approaches. Emotion » Exoduzt The characters had two very different motivating factors. It was just easier for me to relate to Exo's "I want to kill you fuckers because you couldn't save my son" than Tre's "fear during an alien invasion". Felt more tangible and personal. Imagery » Trizzy Tre Broader scope allowed for a wider array of imagery. Trizzy's verse played out like a narrated slide show in this reguard. Certainly the strong point of his verse. In summary, this was ALOT closer than the categories suggest. But I think it illustrates that Exo had the more complete verse in my opinion. Great job guys. Vote Exoduzt |
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
Posted: 05 July 2014 at 2:49am |
Hmmmm this was a strong battle, one that i absolutely expected from two good writers.
Trizzy - Your verse was shorter as far as words per bar, so your story didnt have the volume of substance that exo's had but you made up for it with a real interesting story.. one I admit i never would have thought of. I agree with SS a bit, your 'flow' did get choppy from time to time but for the most part it held. I enjoyed the imagery you threw in there with the 'sun beams' bar. Exo - Your verse was very long (like always) and it's very impressive that you were able to maintain such a smooth flow with all those words and syllables. We've seen stories like this from you before so I cant say I'd give you bonus points for an amazingly clever story line.. but the way you executed it was second to none. First class stuff. MVGT: Exo |
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Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 06 July 2014 at 3:45pm |
4-2 lets keep it goin
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
Posted: 07 July 2014 at 3:32am |
It wasn't just a car jack I did mean for this to happen...
I waited till the bar packed & for her to leave so she's trapped in... my scheme of stealing cars fast it would make you believe in magic... But Karens screams were tragic So I had to relieve this madness... She pleaded faster and screamed fine here are the keys you needy bastard!... she kept saying why me and then she received an answer... I told her that she killed my son & needed practice on treating cancer... Damn lol solid intro. The way you explained the situation without really explaining it was dope. The power of dialogue! then she started breathing faster like a demons after her seedling's stature... ^DAMN haha 1 really dope 1 liner "Human beings matter you fucking cunt the meaning's plastered"... All over the hospital you work at, on the walls in posters & signs.. So raise your drink Karen and give a toast to the skies... what a roller coaster of rides cus your the one who was suppose to of died... Start closin' ya eyes cus It's atrocious your hopeless cus I know that you lied... I brought him in for visits but you didnt catch it fast enough... It's blasphemous He was strong but he just kept actin' tough... PHEW the underlying meaning alone behind this is dope enough, and the multis you were hammerin to tell the tale stands out, especially the last phew lines (catch it fast enough/blasphemous) you talked the talked but lacked the strut now you plead for life? Bitch don't ask for much... I packed a gun cus you said I lacked the funds but my son's casket was... A lot more than your life and everyone that your the closest to... So the prognosis due is that your all dead So my ferocious flew... with every trigger pulled or swing of the knife I know it's true... I need to hide this so I keep living my life cus what I'm going thru... is the boldest truth but I need to hide the evidence... You really got in this character mindset man.. Damn, just a rant of raw emotion So it's evident I need to stash the vehicles at my parents residence... My son was heaven sent so now is everyone that you loved... And it all looks like car jackings hidden past the shrubs... I was never a suspect just acted dumb... until one day my parents neighbors complained... To say its insane that their property value lessens laying the blame... on the cars in the back So I started to act sharper than tacs... damn if the police even knew part of the facts they'd be cartin my ass... rite to prison so I decided to turn back into a shark that attacks... I remembered how it was like gasoline & I was endoused with liars... So I used the same method on the neighbors and set the house on fire!... Well done. ….its all that’s left, a scene almost from science fiction… They attacked our world, tried to end our existence… Their mission? Extinction of the human race wiped clean… Spacecrafts engulfed the view of sun beams, shit our planet had unseen… The bright skies turned a night rise, as fear brought new insanity…. Turned a normal day into a desperation for humanity… Weeks prior, “Can it be?” We all thought, as our race all mentioned… Finally we got the answer of that age old question… ARE WE ALONE? The president quickly addressed the matter… Seems like you had a really hard time deciding on a topic for this one, as I'm your opponent and anyone in either of your shoes would have. When it doubt, Aliens. “Do not be afraid, they come in peace and not attackers”… For days the ships sat above our skies, patient for guidance.. So many crafts we couldn’t even see the new day sun horizon… Felt the bar above was a good display of combining flow and content. Nice imagery 5 weeks gone by, no contact or communication…. Escalated uncertainty why they’re here led to more speculation… Continued the waitin…the world thought whats our fate… But on July 1th 2014…well, that was the date… Building dat anticipation Driving home from work, got a knot in the pit of my stomach… Looked up and saw thousands of little ships soaring down coming… Look ahead of me and tons of people started sprinting n running… Shock went through my body, sweat poured down, its mind numbing… Jerked the wheel into a wooded area, others followed the traffic… A loud bombing echo went off and cars flew in the air, shits tragic… I was lifted up, my vehicle crashed down but that sound I wont forget… People crying to the heavens, asking what this planet did…? Why do we deserve this shit? Keeping this globe secure for our kids… That night the moon was eclipsed by more firing and smoke… Everywhere was leveled for something we never provoked… Countries fell to their power, new rulers were created… A new alien government moved in and then was reinstated… Normalcy faded, so these remains are all that’s felt from the battlefield… We’re put into prison from beings far beyond our stratosphere… The time is near, where we’ll be executed…. Our life and whole existence…we’re next to lose it… We abused it, these beings just couldn’t stand it… All because of the toxic dumps and pollution destroying the planet…. Overall a pretty unique take on this topic, I'm pretty confident it was out of desperation of the direction to take. The ending kinda came off a bit preachy to me, and I felt this particular type of piece needed something big in the finale. Had a cool sci fi feel to it but I feel the lack of mechanics in comparison to your opponent required a little more subtance line in and line out to compete with the powerful verse Exo dropped. If both these verses were dropped in the OM I'd give them both props, however Trizzy came with a 4 star verse and Exo laid down a 5. +1 Exodus |
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Scotty32
Site Owner Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10489 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 07 July 2014 at 10:17am |
5-2 to Exo.
Thanks for the votes |
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