Open Mic: Real As It Gets

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Who-Is-You? View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 November 2017 at 9:42pm
listen fast, 
every second I'm livin I seek progression
confession there's a real obsession I'm havin and it's,
with the cash.
hit a blunt session, talkin plans 
with the fam.
"make another dollar" 
that's the plan for everything ...
that's the answer every time. flippin every dime.
only real recognize real, so why tf  'ont  you recognize?
that's rhetorical but still dog, that's just horrible.
sick it's deplorable some shit to make want war with you 
wave this 4-4 at you, stain up the floor with you
and tho it's true, that might sound to be dramatic
I aint out searching for drama like no movie fanatic 
but these mfkrs are like electricity, so full of the static
so i move with such hazard, when I move
and out here,  i'm a street soldier my boy salute
I came out shittin green, I was born for loot. wasn't you?
any friend to me, I left them a memory to remember
Cos i keep it real thru any weather, you can call me mid of winter
mid December, I'll be the same mtfkr. No bitch pretender
from when the, sun was shining and the steaks was grillin
till the end of time I'll forever remain this real it's
impossible, too much an obstacle for life's begotten soul
to make me fake, real till the day of my wake
real all the way to them pearly gates


Edited by Who-Is-You? - 18 November 2017 at 10:19pm
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Goryo. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2017 at 1:27pm
This was an alright drop. You have a lot of potential content-wise and a unique way of saying things but to get the most out of that you need to tighten up your flow, structure, rhymes, and avoid cliches (like the 'real recognise real' line). Punchlines fit well in verses like these so definitely use them as much as you can. Get some fucked up one-liners too. Good things about this were that it wasn't all jumbled like the beginning and end were in the right places etc and the 'dramatic/fanatic/static' section was cool. But yeah, tighten it up and work at it man.
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