Open Mic: Real Shit

I'm feeling this Ashley.

Pieces like this will never be perfect, I know from having written some at my lowest moments. They'll be bits of wording or flow that people will go 'Could do better'. But I find with these pieces, if you can draw in a reader, and at the same time have some bars that hit home - You've cracked it. And it read like a very raw piece. Some people have these emotions, but still get clouded by the pressure to go in to the lyrical spiritual miricle multi stuff, and it doesn't come across as genuine. So that's why I liked how short those first few bars were. The clear highlight for me was the bar where you talked about whether it was a waste of time going to the cemetary, cos you felt just as bad afterwards. Which to me is a beautiful concept. It is true, we visit our dead religiously, despite it not actually changing anything. Some say they have a duty, some have guilt, some claim that it staves off how much they miss them. But who knows the real answer.

Thank you for posting this. Keep up.

the subject matter and its obvious impact on you makes me unable to comment upon stylistics, etc. it's obvious that this has rattled your faith, and i always find that struggle fascinating.   to the true believer type it's like the ultimate test. and the believer definitely seems to experience it as such. one greys the sense that a very personal betrayal is felt and is a super challenge to reconcile. well done. this is a hard subject to convey in verse.