Open Mic: Red Alert

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    Posted: 30 June 2009 at 4:14pm

Crimson clouds hover over the land of chilling silence
Lifeless battlefields, where Death stepped in to kill the violence
Fissure's have split the plains into 6 miniature islands..
An my ears are still ringin from the sound of missiles n sirens
I'm a lone ranger: truly am one in a billion
Walking though a ghost town made up of crumblin buildins
I see guns, and I once thought they the brilliant ;
But suicide has ruined lives and fucked up the civilians
The city looks like its suffered for months..
Survivors just scurry in gutters, lookin for lunch
Puddles of blood : Frozen soldiers stuck in the mud
God's tried to throw snow down to cover them up
Have I sprouted wings? Have I come from above?
To this widow of a city, once again lookin for love
It's just in a slump, and I'm equipped with the power to change
So I count down to the day, and only hours remain..
Til the corpses from the street wake up, shrouded in rage
They're cookin up a storm with a thousand ounces of hate
I look around at the place, truly wonder what its done to my mind
I've went from the sharperst-tool-in-the-box to the bluntest of knives
So if you want some advice..
Stop reading this note, then kill yourself, or run for your life
Coz if you dont: you will continue to suffer tonight
As the world is falling apart right in front of your eyes..

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Calibra Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 June 2009 at 4:18pm
This was sick. Great concept. Wording was brilliant.
 
"Crimson clouds hover over the land of chilling silence
Lifeless battlefields, where Death stepped in to kill the violence
Fissure's have split the plains into 6 miniature islands..
An my ears are still ringin from the sound of missiles n sirens"
 
And...
 
"Til the corpses from the street wake up, shrouded in rage
They're cookin up a storm with a thousand ounces of hate
I look around at the place, truly wonder what its done to my mind
I've went from the sharperst-tool-in-the-box to the bluntest of knives"
 
Sick!


Edited by Calibra - 30 June 2009 at 4:19pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rapdisup Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 June 2009 at 4:47pm
fuckin sweet man this tha sorta stuff i attemp most dayz an i jus cnt write like this!(wud make a great audio Wink)

ne ways tha first set of lines Cal' pointed out were fire tha flow was cool i even felt my own emotion as i read em out load so thats cool i was also feeling tha end

"So if you want some advice..
Stop reading this note, then kill yourself, or run for your life
Coz if you dont: you will continue to suffer tonight
As the world is falling apart right in front of your eyes."


brilliant closer imo went well wit tha piece an alough it was quite random tha read was gud keep dropping boss

Peace
The Dr said it can't be beaten,I replied it 'can-sir'!

It aint over till I Rapdisup
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 1:04pm

Cheers...bump

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote JoeyNice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 9:14pm
great read..
 
I look around at the place, truly wonder what its done to my mind
I've went from the sharperst-tool-in-the-box to the bluntest of knives"
 
shit got deep yo.. props..
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 10:14pm
Yeah, I'd basically echo what Calibra said...I thought this was awesome, effortless multis and great vocab knowledge which meant that you weren't limited in what you were saying, some of your word selection was poignant:

"Survivors just scurry in gutters, lookin for lunch"

Don't think anyone else picked that line out but linguistically that was a perfectly constructed line, in other words...it killed it.

"To this widow of a city, once again lookin for love"

Great metaphor, worded brilliantly...I think the whole concept was fantastic and you were consistant to a high standard throughout with a unique and progressive idea...

1st July, but we probably have the open mic of the month already...and if Hanging sees it might even welcome you to the club Cool


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 10:19pm
This was dropped yesterday so this would be under june OMOTM (H) and what club are you talkin about ? lol
Anyway ye, thank you for the feed.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 10:27pm
Oh wells, shoulda checked the date LOL

Classix club sonny Jim...I'll have to think of a new punch Dead
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 11:01pm
^LOL
You only said that coz you know hanging won't check this haha
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 11:11pm
Plus he doesn't like to be told what to do Evil Smile

*edit* P.S. Congrats on the 5,000...Nep seems to think it's some kind of achievement Star


Edited by Cuba - 01 July 2009 at 11:12pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 11:14pm
LMAO...I didn't even notice.
I'll make an open mic to commemorate it tomorrow :D
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2009 at 11:18pm
We should do a collabo with 5,000 lines each Heart
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote that guy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 July 2009 at 4:22am
dope
 
it flowed, imagery was good (there was a line about a ghost town of crumbling buildings and i actually saw it) it was just badass nuffsaid
 
i love the way la members write (im more active on another site)
hustler for death, no heaven for a gangster
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Calibra Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 July 2009 at 12:27pm
I think we should have a new person to do Open Mic Classics, cause I've got atleast 3.
 
When do you ever see hanGing online?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote I-SEE-GRIPS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 July 2009 at 9:23pm
The city looks like its suffered for months..
Survivors just scurry in gutters, lookin for lunch
Puddles of blood : Frozen soldiers stuck in the mud
God's tried to throw snow down to cover them up
 
Loved these lines above
Enjoyed the read point thought it was outstanding
good job
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2009 at 3:27am
This was sick man..to many quotables, painted a vivid picture and seemed effortless. Nice
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2009 at 5:01am
the way you just seemed to throw words around effortlessly is just insane...seems to come easy...

"Crimson clouds hover over the land of chilling silence
Lifeless battlefields, where Death stepped in to kill the violence"

opening just had so much to it, how could anyone not want to keep reading...

"To this widow of a city, once again lookin for love"

that was my favorite line in the whole piece...imagery and wording just seems to come so natural

amazing piece..








Edited by Exoduzt - 04 July 2009 at 5:01am

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