Open Mic: #Revived |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 29 January 2019 at 5:37pm |
See I’ve been… Absent-minded & brain dead Not for a lack of trying to say fed I’m an, absinthe hybrid an addict blinded By an active virus to spray lead It’s the, passage lighting I pass through writing The page red to shake hands with the devil Like an act of kindness, the stage set Everything black, the mic is a sack of diamonds Pay rent & rap defiance with this, mask I’m hiding From my past reliance, it’s an ageless weapon Like a staff or trident or crack provided To the mass as guidance, as a crutch To step in the grave with, got my heart jumping Like the wax has sirens, checking the mirror For lights passing by us, this a craft for tyrants That’ll snatch your highness, cats & lions Caged in, my patience weighs thin For men who have vaginas, gotta knack to find’em This that grey death, laced meth, packed united Quiet but sound, you are trapped, misguided Still loud with the action like a mac that’s silenced Banish the lavish liars who brandish whack subscribers I'm alone on my own captured inside this island Where mining for rap words with tactics so defying Hazmats when I'm rhyming, backlash undivided Scatter passerbyers with rough drafts & no survivors Ignite the gas burners, feds tappin' the wires Refresh these passionate writers They can't clear where the cache is just hiding Here are the facts of the cypher Cut your Adam's apple for cider, burn a passage, a Bible Leave the latter enlighted with the eye of the tiger This isn't amateur hour, inhaling lavender sour Uneven balance of power got calibers mounted Smashing glass of a riot, the cabinet advisors Wreak havoc & fires as the national climate Reaches temperatures meant for war battlefront snipers Find the signs through analog devices Their squeezing, holding, to carry all in vice grips See it's the voltage to cattle prod a bison Fuck what you heard, pick up the shattered rock to fight with #Revived
Edited by iLL ScriptureZ - 29 January 2019 at 5:53pm |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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there's a lot to be said about rhyme mechanics. i'll be honest, the past few years up to now, i've always felt that as long as the content is good, the piece should be good..PERIOD. I think that may be why i never do well in writing competitions like leagues and crap like that but then i read some stuff like this that makes me apprceciate rhyming all over again. its like every vowels and consonance hit in place...plus swag-iLL-like content to boot. no lie man this piece made me want to fuckin start focus on rhyming again cause it was such a fun read. salute big bro. thanks for the inspiration.
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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you have taken this format, structure and ryhme scheme and really made it your own. everytime i feed one of your joints, i feel like a broken record. Outside the differences in the actual lyrics, i feel like my feedback can fit any of your verses, because its always the same story. . focused flow, dialed in lyrics. . rapid pace etc etc. . you are certainly consistent and i cant imagine the day that you can even possibly drop a bad verse.
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Xces
Groupie Joined: 21 February 2015 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 143 |
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This is dope, it's not the most lyrical thing I've read but it's formatted and everything is placed well, it feels super natural on the come out when spit aloud. Good shit.
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