Topical Tyranny: Round 1 - Battle 4 : Votes

okay verse 1, decent enough, rhyming cool, good description, decent story, verse 2, was well enough told, but didnt really get me into the story etc, twist was okay, but would have rathered u stay on topic, verse 3, solid again, enjoyed it flow was cool, well told ending was nice, verse 4 took a different approach which worked, good stand out lines, good flow, nice job

Verse 1
Lyrically I saw a few problems with ya verse... Just minor shit that took away from the verse and could easily be avoided...For instance, there were times when I can tell you reworded a line cause you had the same word type'd twice which took away from it's meaning...Flow was terrible too, line were too long

Storywise, it was okay, Just a general cant bare it anymore, seek revenge with a gun...I've seen it before, like everytime this topic has been done so it was really boring and really weak

Overall, Not a bad verse, but very far from good
-------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 2
Lyrically this was cool, Only real problem I had with the lyrical aspect of the verse was the short lines...Made reading it feel choppy...Otherwise, pretty cool

Story wise, The story was pretty nice... The plot progress'd pretty nice and was fairly enjoyable... Only problem was you didn't address the topic, You just went  on about guns and being ready to shoot but you never address'd the school aspect...And even if I assume the charecter in your topical was about to shoot up a school, I'd also have to assume he was a kid, and how would he have access to all the weaponry? I mean, if you would have included the school aspect in the topical, it would have seem'd like just a random shooting that was taking place at a school, but you didn't so it really miss

Overall, A very good verse that didn't address the topic and thus is irrelevant to the battle imo...The preluding line was the closest u came to adressing the topic
-------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 3
Lyrically dope, Nothing more can be really said, The flow was there, multi's there, just overall dopeness lyrically

So far, I like'd your story the most, Had the best plot out of the 3 i've read and it was done nicely...A nice amount of detail help'd to make the story more interesting, A realistic main charecter in the center of the story, Was all done nicely

Overall, A pretty dope verse, prolly the best I've read today
-------------------------------------------------------------
Verse 4
Lyrically this was dope as well... Consistently good multis help progress the story nicely...Not much improving could be done as far as the basics go

The story was very similar to that of verse 3, Only better... The whole diary thing was a nice twist to it as well...Which made it not boring, since the topicals were right after each other...Alot of emotion was express'd in the verse as well so good job

Overall, Another dope verse, And one of the best verses read today
-------------------------------------------------------------
Overall,  This battle was fairly one-two sided in my opinion, 2 verses i wasn't feeling and the other 2 I loved...Felt although verse 3 and 4 were very similar, the were both creative enough to remain distinguish themselves from eachother...Which is why

3 and 4 are my choices to advance

VERSE 1
Lyrically - You had flaws...there was hardly a flow to it...vocabulary in some lines seemed to be a main focus...then in other lines, you worded it more simple but put too many words through it....

Story - It was told well...but there was nothing that really took a risk...it was almost too typical and expected so to say...the topic had its limits, but you just seemed to take a direction others have already approached it in...the big plus was the way the character was focused on greatly...the emotion and mood was very well described...

VERSE 2
Lyrically - Average...the rhymes were well used but nothing before 'em was there to uplift the verse's flow...the style was quite basic...

Story - Didn't quite grasp the topic too well...you're whole focus was the video game concept...the whole metaphor thing really limited you to actually applying the school situation to the verse...you went through weapons and all, but a topic like this almost requires some display of emotional depiction...the ending was most likely what you were most worried of, but the verse as a whole shoulda done it's job and hold on to the topic...

VERSE 3
Lyrically - Advanced...you applied multi's and used vocab very well without making it seem like that's what you're focused on...you were able to tell the story with lyrical content with no trouble...

Story - You added a lil background to the character with the "bust rhymes" scenario...the whole sequence was made the story more interesting...going from one point to another and building up on the topic little by little was great...you didn't have to add any twist or anything to enhance the story...you told it all explaining the emotional state, the situation, and ended it with a really effective last line...great job...

VERSE 4
Lyrically - great vocab, a real steady flow for the most part, real nice rhyme schemes...overall, it had no forced lyrical content and it was written well for the most part...

Story - Creative approach...another emotionally filled piece...you went more indepth then the rest IMO with the emotional state of the person...also, a similar approach with outcome like the 3rd verse...it's just very focused on the character and the descriptions were very well written...good job...

-------------------------------------------------

OVERALL...VERSES 3 and 4...