Open Mic: scheming (KOTM)

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   I wake early to the sound of alarm not that of a clock but of shock out of fear of harm. Now I'm no pussy by any means but I can clearly hear the sounds of frightened screams. Is this a dream, fuck I hop out of bed and throw a shirt on up over my head. Maybe I left the TV on last night, i walk out to check and when I flip on the light. It dosent work, what the fuck is going on is the bulb burnt? No I'm certain its not! There's no smell of coffee and i can't find the pot. I head to the curtains to get a look, and im hit with an eye full of soot. I cough and step back, gasp and damn near collapse. I catch my breath and relax, only for a minute to pass cause I can see the source Of the commotion at last. The destruction is vast, instantly im wide awake and frozen in place. The smell of death is so thick i think i can tast it, half of the city is just gone like some one erased it. I need to find my peace i hope I didn't misplace it, I grab my boots and head for the basement. No time to waste I'm moving with speed, still not knowing what happened but I ain't got the need. Thank God I served my country and got a degree, in survival should thank him twice cause it was tax free." I can conquer my rivals and over come", I keep repeating these words even though they sound dumb. 1.get my gun, 2. Walk don't run, 3.fire only when needed, 4. Don't become impeded, 5.BREATH. I know I have to leave in order to settle the score, so I head up stairs and move to the door. I believe that I'm ready, I double check I got my vest and combat machete. Guess I'm fully dressed, I grip the knob and twist to the left. It slowly opens and I take the first steps out, what happens next? I confess I planed to leave you with doubt.                               

Edited by HI-Z - 15 November 2016 at 5:23pm

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HI-Z Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos	Post Options Post Reply Quote HI-Z Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: scheming (KOTM) Posted: 15 November 2016 at 5:18pm
	I wake early to the sound of alarm not that of a clock but of shock out of fear of harm. Now I'm no pussy by any means but I can clearly hear the sounds of frightened screams. Is this a dream, fuck I hop out of bed and throw a shirt on up over my head. Maybe I left the TV on last night, i walk out to check and when I flip on the light. It dosent work, what the fuck is going on is the bulb burnt? No I'm certain its not! There's no smell of coffee and i can't find the pot. I head to the curtains to get a look, and im hit with an eye full of soot. I cough and step back, gasp and damn near collapse. I catch my breath and relax, only for a minute to pass cause I can see the source Of the commotion at last. The destruction is vast, instantly im wide awake and frozen in place. The smell of death is so thick i think i can tast it, half of the city is just gone like some one erased it. I need to find my peace i hope I didn't misplace it, I grab my boots and head for the basement. No time to waste I'm moving with speed, still not knowing what happened but I ain't got the need. Thank God I served my country and got a degree, in survival should thank him twice cause it was tax free." I can conquer my rivals and over come", I keep repeating these words even though they sound dumb. 1.get my gun, 2. Walk don't run, 3.fire only when needed, 4. Don't become impeded, 5.BREATH. I know I have to leave in order to settle the score, so I head up stairs and move to the door. I believe that I'm ready, I double check I got my vest and combat machete. Guess I'm fully dressed, I grip the knob and twist to the left. It slowly opens and I take the first steps out, what happens next? I confess I planed to leave you with doubt. Edited by HI-Z - 15 November 2016 at 5:23pm

Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 November 2016 at 5:29pm
	I can't read this in paragraph form. I suggest you put some type of structure to it if you want ppl to read.


HI-Z Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos	Post Options Post Reply Quote HI-Z Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 November 2016 at 5:33pm
	Sugestion noted lol thanks

HI-Z Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos	Post Options Post Reply Quote HI-Z Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 November 2016 at 5:37pm
	Its more of a narrative pice but I appreciate the advice bro.

spume corrupt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote spume corrupt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 November 2016 at 7:09pm
	Yeah I think The Lord has a point But........I read this anyway and I could easy pick up the flow and rhyming Though I don't feel you stuck to the picture theme properly and some shit was too far fetched, like sleeping through the destruction of a city like it happened overnight and you had sleeping muffs on the ears or some shit? But even so you have a really good piece here, you have improved massively since you signed up....... Especially liked the steps 1 thru 5... Well done


HI-Z Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos	Post Options Post Reply Quote HI-Z Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 November 2016 at 12:19am
	A picture is worth a thousand words, this was my take on the photo. To put the reader in the shoes of a man who awoke to the the end of the world. I pictured a rapid destruction like non before not an explosion but destruction caused by some supernatural force. Given the fact that in the photo the stark contrast was evident, from left to right. I figured most of the post were going to be similar in form, structure and approach and thought that I might as well give the readers something abstract and different. I hope you enjoyed this piece, thank you for taking the time to read it and for the comments. Catch ya later.

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 November 2016 at 12:46am
	yeah this was enjoyable to me. It reminds me of 28 Days later lol how the protagonist woke up and is face with an even of apocalyptic proportion. Flow, even though in paragraph format was pretty easy to pick up although word of advice is to really make the paragraph thing work, i'd recommend using lots of multies, nah mean? "he smell of death is so thick i think i can tast it, half of the city is just gone like some one erased it. I need to find my peace i hope I didn't misplace it, I grab my boots and head for the basement. No time to waste I'm" ^^that type of scheme can help carry the piece along if u absolutey HAVE to do the paragraph format. keep scribing man, i remember ur last open mic was impressive and this one was even better. salute.