Open Mic: second chances i still miss u

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Stupendipidous View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 December 2014 at 12:17am

 

 

Don't we all wish for a second chance?

what would u do with a second chance at life?
a chance to live an keep breathing must be summin u fancy right?
when I was 18 I nearly died from an OD
I didn't wanna leave my mum living lonely
she would still have my number
but no answer when she phoned me
 aint no reception where il be goin see
supposed to be a standard night out
poppin a few pills an sniffin some lines
confidences bruised found a way to put a lift into mine
used to forget any issues an stomp till my feet hurt
now im looking forward to them pearly gates coz
I miss my mum I told her that's where il meet her
I should have made that journey before she did
she was there for me even after the drugs I did
she pleaded with the warnings I never heeded
now im 29, 11 years after I nearly ended my life
Id waitin for mum not at the bed where shes waitin to die
I held her hand as she passed, I wouldn't change that
not for the world or for love nor money would I change that
so now I feel like a soldier with grief
still hurts everyday even tho I know her soul is at peace
this life? its a jigsaw, now I know I aint solving this piece
I used to wonder how would I live on
so I decided to try my elevation and write this song
are bits wrong? I don't really care.
I just wanted to put my time and feelings  
into rhymes with meanings
 
as much as everyday seems a struggle
I know u wouldn't wish to see me troubled
I just want u to know I still miss and love you
cant wait to see u again mum merry xmas
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Stupendipidous View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stupendipidous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 12:19am
just to put this out there I didn't write this to try anything technical I wrote it purely as a rhyme for my mum I decided to post it up to get some feed on what u all thought of it thx
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mission Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:01am
Bro this is beautiful. The simplicity of the emotion makes up for the lack of technical components. You spoke ur heart, I dont see this as much of a song, more of a poem, and a very touching one as well. Merry Christmas to your mom from me.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stupendipidous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:03am
Thanks mission means a lot god rest her soul
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IsaiahtheGreat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:30am
This was very deep, man. I loved it. Sorry about your mom, too.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stupendipidous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:35am
Thx Isaiah was nice to write about her she was a great woman and an influence to more kids than just me when I was on drugs she supported everyone that she felt needed it regardless of whether she felt they deserved it she was always there for everyone

Edited by Stupendipidous - 10 December 2014 at 1:43am
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Manc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Manc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 1:55pm
Real shit!! I love to read a story in rhyme, and this was exactly that. It makes a lot of difference when it comes from inside, and inadvertently, it comes across more as poetry than structured rap bars. Very simple in places, but it worked well when mixed with the transitional lines & the odd multi rhymes ere n there.
Woulda been good to give it more if a feel that was relevant to the title (as in describing more stuff about second chances), but when it's real life shit, writers tend to go off on a tangent & stray slightly from the topic. I enjoyed this though. Nice shit kiddo


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stupendipidous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 2:00pm
Thanx Manc the second chances idea was the fact that I had a second chance and mum didn't but I should have closed it off with that rather than ending the way I did I didn't realise that till was too late I didn't try anything technical with this piece wanted it to have more feeling and honesty thanks for the looks bro
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Manc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 2:14pm
Yea that was the feel I got from it. That's how realistic pieces always end up, unless you make a point of changing it. Good shit though


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 3:13pm
LMAO @ Mission, his keyboard says one thing but his mouse says another smh @ 1*

Good shit Stoop, some real raw emotion here, like you said not much on the technical side of things but you portrayed the story well and it was nicely put together. A real deep story with some real meaning behind it.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stupendipidous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2014 at 3:16pm
Thanks shanks was just summin I wanted to post up to show that I will never forget her :)
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