Forum LockedText Battle Archive: Slip Vs. Axy (topical) (3-1)

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Slip Vs. Axy (topical) (3-1)
    Posted: 03 March 2018 at 12:04pm
Topic:
The story of a super villain or super hero
With at least 3 special abilities
Dead line
SUNDAY MARCH 11TH 2018

Edited by Endeavor - 19 September 2018 at 10:42am
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2018 at 2:33am
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_The Foster Monster_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Three months premature, oddly something had occurred,,,,
Covering his body like a third degree burn 
A birth mark from hell,eyes sealed, wouldn't open
An extra finger on each hand, witch looked a little broken
Disfigured to say the least she released a beast upon this planet
Died giving birth left that little monster stranded 
Cursed this earth with the worst evil to ever have it, 
The ability to strike fear into the hearts of people 
makin'em panic reeking havoc practicing black magic
He had the Dark arts mastered in his early teens,
sending satanic thoughts, seeping inside your dreams
Tragic endings for anyone who cross his path, that's the way it seems
His foster parents use to beat'em, tried to keep'em in the basement 
He got'em while they were sleeping, his inspirations ancient 
Hooked there brains out through there nostrils, sat there and ate it
Gaining every ounce of knowledge that they owned, He obtained it
Family after family this deranged kid was happy
Brutally mutilating every mommy and daddy that actually took'em in
Called himself The Foster Monster, Father Of Sin
Able to penatrait your mind with thoughts to make you cringe 
Drive you mentally insane till you fly off the hinge 
Literally feast upon your brains to feel the pain within and know where you have bin
Find out who your loved ones are and kill your next of kin
Every child seeking couple in the systems a potential victim so listen!!
You created this super villain, mountain of a man 
Who still see's you with his eyes shut, death is in his hand
The Foster Monsters real and he doesn't give a damn
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2018 at 7:39am
Happy endings

Hey fags, I got you a good story this time at last
Its got a hero , a villain and a stupid fuckin lass
Our hero thought he had superpowers , stupid kid
He had dreams, his ugly face and crooked teeth
His superpowers were his kind heart and zeal of steel 
and his warmth that fixed every heart that needed to heal
Our villain was charming, his smile could capture hearts
and cage em, he could touch the stars and break em to shards
and wage em, his powers contrasted our hero but he was stronger
this shallow world, those good looking ones tend to last longer
Our hero meets this lass, she was perfect , angelic beauty 
He decided to protect that innocent smile as was his mortal duty
Little did he know our villain was eyeing her too
Charming her with his spell, fulfilling his thirst to pursue
and then started a battle that our hero was bound to lose
the stupid lass fell for the charming villain and his abuse
it started slow but grew toxic, hero asked her to leave him 
but no stopping , our hero's beyonce was doing hymn for the weekend
they were always together like the scar's on this girls wrist and
our hero had failed to keep her protected to save her from the villain
world falling apart, walls shrinking, roof dropping on him over the ceiling
In a perfect world , our hero and the girl live together and happily ever 
but in this world our hero has a knife ready to end his endeavor
His last thoughts , aren't ugly souls worse than ugly faces he questioned?
too late , he slits his throat open, he goes pale with serene expression

But wait, where's the happy ending that everyone is seeking ?
Haha , there ain't one kid, he ain't in heaven with the all seeing
our hero is dead on the floor still with his blood seeping
And that girl is still on the villain's bed , painfully sleeping
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 March 2018 at 2:13am

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This is a real close battle here.

Slip,i went into your verse (at 1st) thinking Foster was a Surname based theme,
judging by the title that is,but it dawns quickly that its a demonic child,(i liked
that angle there,showed a creative spark),your drop also came off with an horror
core element attached,which in turn added a layer to this piece,the back story
from the begin was a wise move too,as it gave this verse a growing character,not
just as a child,but the powers he posses grow along side aswell,you had a good concept and ran well with it to be honest,in parts the detail although noticeable
it felt to have skimmed the surface,instead of plunging the depths of vivid-ness
though,you also had in some good inner rhymes going on in certain areas within,
on reading i had flashes of the film The Omen,it had that Damien vibe cracking,
overall a well balanced verse..


Axy,ill start by typing that your verse read as kind off rushed and in parts forced,
but on the whole your concept and the topics theme was relatable,which for me
pulled it through,(the good guy finishing last scenario),if this was a film,it would
be a chick flick in essences,where the girls would be routing for the good guy to
get the girl,but seldom in real life would they make that choice themselves,now
to the ending,which for me suggests why i thought this rushed,it was kind of un-
derwhelming in a fashion,because in an ironic way,the happy ending would be or
could be viewed that our hero didn't get hitched to a small minded women,(like
Shallow Hal in a role reversal form..lol),still a real nice read here.

Overall,i did enjoy both takes here,but for me Slip's verse was more polished &
thought out,it also had the more appealing subject matter,Axy i feel if you gave
yourself more time you would of tuned your concept up better,like I said though,
it was still an enjoyable read from you..


Vote..Slip.. peace.

"There is no meaning to life,just a nature of life"
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2018 at 8:49am

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Slip vs Axy

Both verses onpoint topically with both verses delving darkly into the topic well. Axy has less multis and both seem to be lacking inner rhymes. Personally I'd like to see more technical poetry from you both but you both have developed style. Slip your lines ending in people and happy stood out as non-poetic but Axy last/lass/kid/teeth your first couple of bars were poetically lacking. Seeking/seeing/see
ping/seeing was nice but the multisyllabilic components were lacking ie. is/all/blood/painfully knowamean? That let the verse down for you.

Personally Axy I liked your 'Little did he know our villain was eyeing her too/Charming her with his spell, fulfilling his thirst to pursue' bar and

Slip: '
His foster parents use to beat'em, tried to keep'em in the basement/He got'em while they were sleeping, his inspirations ancient' I liked that bar of yours.

Again you both hammered the topic and I felt you both tackled the topic effectively but I think Slip took this one with a slight.


MVGT Slip
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 July 2018 at 8:28pm

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hmmm i think i have to give my vote to Axy

slip - the story is cool. not unlike Rosemary baby but more visceral. the problem i had witht his verse is the breaking of my personal cardinal rule and thats more "telling" than "showing". alot of your verbiage are expository statement. He's this, he's that. the story itself is cool but the writing is just a bit below your usual standard.

axy - this is pretty good. you described the character unlike ur opponent. now there's a clear distinction between telling and describing. You went more into his motivation and environment, giving dimension to the story. i actually like the concept of this piece. it was very satirical and the ending was creative in that you basically went against tradition of the good guy finish last trope lol. 

vote - Axy.



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2018 at 7:03pm

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SlipKnot

The story here was decent, well thought out with a horrorcore flavour.
The flow was easy to pick up, but would have been enhanced if the rhyming was more complex and consistent. Though I can see why someone might think the occasional line-end was a miss, on second read for me it works, as I can see the rhyme-words hiding elsewhere, and trying to mix up the scheme is often worth doing as it can stop it reading as too flat. But what does (always) put me off is the spelling and grammar, and this will (always) piss him off when it's mentioned ... so here goes ...
- there/their ... a common mistake ... but gives the impression of a piece being rushed
- which/witch ... a less common mistake ... gives the impression of English as second language
- penetrait ... I'm not angry at you Slip, just disappointed...
(Sorry dude, is that strike one for me?)


AxyRose

Another nicely crafted story.
I liked the rhythm and swag of the opening lines, and the narrative style throughout.
But it seemed less complex in rhyming than the slip verse, multies being much sparser and some of the rhymes for me, well, just didn't ... such as -
stupid kid / crooked teeth
villain / ceiling
for example.
Overall personally I found this story engaged me less than the other, and I know that's pretty subjective but it's all I got.

So all in all ... MFVGT .... Slip
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 September 2018 at 10:43am
Lack of votes. Slip wins.
#Bananas

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