Open Mic: Somethin' Quick

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 August 2017 at 5:57pm
…Every time I breathe it’s sickness
They said iLL a sniper it’s why I keep my distance
My hands bring beef & it feeds resistance 
I kill the human race I don’t see a difference 
Weaponry on my table is extremely vicious
Make you look like my son tryna reach a biscuit 
Armed the Army of the Dead I don’t need equipment 
Against me is agin' in the hood, you’ll be statistics
Even if you type chill to me you seem suspicious
No hezzy this flow deadly have you leave existence
Bars over everything you in a weak position 
Standin’ behind mine denied your weekly visit
Devised crime inside this mind, its pristine business
Never convoluted like conversations with elite Christians
Through different eyes its odd how you perceive victims
Rhymes like J's the Notepad waitin' to release writtens
I got the type of shit to make emcees listen 
Who the hell said violence can defeat wisdom?
Belivers can go in 6ft deep to sleep with'em
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 August 2017 at 8:29pm
Short and sweet bru
That reach a biscuit thing invoked some nice imagery
Multi laden but maybe felt a little forced, def could have used a transitional or two to aid the pace/flow
Reckon you need to use more wordplay in your game generally
Respect

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 September 2017 at 3:50pm
I think my wordplay is fine. Thanks for the feed!
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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2017 at 8:08pm
*spume voice*

They said iLL a sniper it’s why I keep my distance

One of the freshest line I've read lately but Wordplay felt forced here. It only aided it in it's wackness. Mos def
Could've used a bit more wordplay.

My hands bring beef & it feeds resistance 
Make you look like my son tryna reach a biscuit 

Also felt forced. Multi laden but it could ve used more wordplay
Your wordplay is definitely not fine.

Against me is agin' in the hood, you’ll be statistics

Wordplay was def racist. Could have been more multi laden. Def missed opportunity

Never convoluted like conversations with elite Christians

Could've used a doper transition. Def
Wordplay def felt forced too.
Flow/pace def wasn't aided here. Respect.

Belivers can go in 6ft deep to sleep with'em

The whole last segment speaking on religion could have used more wordplay in its game. Dope stanza but def wack
More wordplay...because wordplay

Respect.

*spume voice*

Chain: I loved it lol
+Sick-Witted+
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2017 at 8:58pm
Oh I got you Chingo, I just fucking hope you got destroyed on alcohol and cocaine before you attempted that spume voice ...ya know "RELEASE YO'DELF" and shit
Cos that's my "METHOD MAN"
I did say the imagery was good on the "REACH A BISCUIT"... "BIT"!!!!
But we saw different things

Anyway sorry for jumping in on this again I'll
Glad Chain was able to give you the credit you so obviously deserved I'm sure you'll have no objections with it.

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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 September 2017 at 10:31pm
Lol you're a legend @Spume
+Sick-Witted+
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 September 2017 at 1:04am
Lol... nah I just truly think my wordplay is fine. I think my battling needs so work though.
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