Open Mic: Still Better the Rest....

Still Better the Rest...

From the darkest depths stays a monster lurking,
Pages marked for death, because I've conquered wording.
Rhymes not designed for rest, possessed a songbird chirping,
Serving lips a perverted script spit it bonkers hurling,
Lines contrived while withered neurons burning,
Scribeing pilfered lines shit delivered
in chiffon or sterling.
A demon spawned a paragon unfurling,
Heard squirting vile venting venom verses,
Then it begins the incentives surface,
a pen digging dirt pinning men in hurses.
been swift with all my inventive curses,
A quick turn with intensive purpose,
then begin to shift with just point and Click,
Now affirm my point how to slit your wrists,
Then affix turnakits and drip ointment thick.
All appointments missed,
So before your trip you should take a number or fake a slumber,
i'll lie awake and maybe make another.
I scrape the sky but I love to hover lowly,
you can raise the stakes, but flight at this height is lonely,
A blite of snakes, a viper pit below me,
still filled with fakes, liars and enlightened phoneys.
Take a bite get bit, because you're stick and boney,
hunger pains they miss, way too thick I'm bloating,
I'm like ham and swiss when compared to your shit bologna,
So blow my ass a kiss and prepare to eat a dick just blow me.
Please don't pretend to know me,
I only kill to get filled with a righteous thrill,
Alive I strive just to fight the Ill,
while the virus builds never mind the bill,
try and get your fill of all the priceless pills.
Alright just chill, slowly try to still the tempo,
caught losing sight of a once instilled memento,
Stopped the status quo of low toned shrill crescendos,
Drop facts you know a skilled flow shows no pretend-O.
Dont believe Nintendo, rules shift and change,
but the game's played still built the same
Now shame names, shift guilt and blame,
each script's a gift yet complain freewill's a pain
Sitting still is lame, the meek cant improve with feet planted roots
gotta keep it moving, walk to the beat i'm cruisung,
All my alarm clocks are locked I've been stopped from snoozing
Goose's flock's still far from losing,
Each drop of ink's a shooting star saluting
top bars produced the rawest shit exuding
Fuck modesty it's what I'm gonna keep excluding,
when speaking best I should be included
a well polished vet it's been deduced and proven
Ive recieved salutes ever since congress concluded

Edited by Brotha Goose - 27 March 2017 at 8:04am

Whats good Goose... The below lines are the highlights of the verse. You started off strong giving relentless multis which I am a fan of. Some nice vocabulary usage with differing internals and externals was a nice technique. You had some nice alliteration in that venom verses line. I thought that flowed very smooth off the tongue. In some points I felt looking for some "umph" after the intro. Kind of longing for something more. Wasn't a fan of the double "blow" in the same line which is a minor wording issue. Also thought you could've ended stronger. All in all, your flow was nice and consistent and I thought your delivery was decent. I can tell you are a veteran of this shit, I'd like to see more of your stuff.

Thanks for the feed fellas. I've been thumbing through the OM got a couple I nred to drop feed on and return the favor.

Really appreciate the feed Self. I noticed
that myself bro, our rhythmic construction is
quite similar indeed. I'm thinking some sort of
collab is in order lol, our style's would mesh
together nicely.

haah u know what i know you as, the dude who wrote that "to do and not to do" piece for newbz just signing up. Classic shit by the way! but onto this piece...

Thanks for the feed Exo, it's always appreciated.