Open Mic: Still Driving With The Brakes On |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Posted: 28 June 2019 at 2:49am |
It’s never the right time to write ,,, long days end fast
Songs use to write them selves,,, now it’s just a task ain’t like it use to be ,so far from it Couldn’t reach it I tried to, remember the way I loved it Like the one who got away and kept on runnin Or a bunch of gambled cash that left me with nothin But a god sized hole emptied out soul Without the rhythm of a rhyme my minds not whole Without the light from the shine it’s dark and so cold Both feet to the floor, tires start to screech , lighting up the street that’s a figure of speech Smoke so thick like cheech n Chong Doin donuts on the blacktop Driving with the brakes on Spinning in the same spot singing the same song |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Slip i would have liked to of gotten in on this, seens as we did the orginal some
time back, anyways back to this joint here, the similes were coming thick and fast here, and i really liked the in and out switch from 1st person to 3rd person prospective throughout also, it was a nice reflection piece overall, it had a com- ing of age vibe etched in, like a grown up version of the TV series The Wonder Years but a darker version was what i was getting on reading, it flowed well too, shit i enjoyed it ripe read..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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Good to see you still around bro, feel free to drop the verse and shake of the rust
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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I think the title was my fav part, really cool metaphor for the content of the verse. Something I'm sure most of the board can relate with. Would be cool to see a few deep and thoughtful metas like that dropped throughout the verse as well. You stuck to single syllable and two syllable rhymes for the most part as well so building on that would be nice to see as well. Cool little piece here tho
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