Forum LockedText Battle Archive: T2T Round 1: D-NoS vs Crimson Juice

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    Posted: 07 November 2020 at 3:58am
The 2020 Tournament
Round One: Text (standard rules)

D-NoS vs Crimson Juice

Verses are to be 8 bars or 16 lines in length.

Battlers have 14 days from now to write their bars.

If there are no decisive votes on the battle after 7 days once the verse is posted, then I will vote in an unbiased manner and decide on the winner to continue to the next round.

If a battler ducks, due to timeframes being accurately adhered to, if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, I'll be calling it a duck. 

If you don't both check in then your battle will be discontinued and parties that check-in will progress to successive rounds but parties that fail to check-in will be disqualified.

Battlers must check-in to the battle in order to proceed.

GO
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D-NoS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 November 2020 at 6:40pm
Check Check

Lets do this aii Cool
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2020 at 12:50pm
Like the final flag on a race track...check.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2020 at 8:46pm
D Nos aka Dicey, your more square than a cube and you'll never be as icy,
See in rhymes i'm mighty, hot too, but you can't even manage to be spicy,

Going against you will make me look nice, I'll sprinkle ya around like spice,
Roll ya like gamblers do with Dice, leave ya shuck like elephants seein mice,

He's yet to win a battle so makin no noise, like a baby with a broken rattle,
Type ya cackle branding you is easy, like 3 cowboys 1st roping lone cattle,

Steppin' to me lookin' to fight, but like Public Enemy I Dont Believe D's Hype,
When my digits bust freestyles that's tight, like BMX bikes on quarter pipes,

D i'm going to leave you with chunks missing like when a pod of Orca's bite,
Leave you on the floor in a bloody mess, resemblin' The Gettysburg battlesite,

Battlin' me when ya under everyone's radar, ya barely a ripple so don't try n ceeep,
Ask how many sexual partners he's had, he'll fall asleep countin'g all them sheep,

Shit if he was in the Welsh mafia and put in a police line up, he'd start singing,
D Nos don't know any DoN's, throw ya shots we know ya bisexual when swingin,

Cuz my ambition is to crush by using lyrical thrust, this weak bitch ass netcee,
D use your Nos, and quickly rush by me now like the jet stream & just breeze,




*He's from Wales (Welsh), and their known for singing, especially in choirs/singing snitching,
*Wales is also known for having a lot of sheep and farmers.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D-NoS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2020 at 11:35pm
Heavy weight and no toss given its Armageddon but that is a given
dope. I don't care how ya feeling, I'm taking over like Joe Biden!

You got screwed by the R-N-G, I drop - your  slewed, R.I.P 
its Mad Dog everybody's deep, punches leave you with crimson teeth!

Oi oi oi! boy-o-boy bury this bitch it's homicide
Bitch hop on my dick and ride - pussy juice up n down and slide...

Dope in the blood  don't need a co-signer, next dimension get no higher
I am the spark I make the fire - Crimson ain't dope nope he's a liar

Mr.Moderator i'ma be ya motivator get a new look cuz your image is faded
I'ma father figure like Darth Vader make you wish you choose another shade for your name and 

I'm a demon seathing with evil intention corona is bad but i'm worse for the nation
asked for the beast here in the flesh man doper than me nah nah keep dreaming

Unstoppable underrated as fuck'n all when i spray better pray better duck'n all
I am off my rocker I am off the wall - Crimson had better watch his  hole

Music junkie way too funky spitting on mic and come in too spunky,
break an emcee like he Humpty Dumpty, Crimson Juice? or just a Monthly... 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 November 2020 at 10:36pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Crimbo...

Main positives for me were use of imagery, plenty of similes throughout the verse and that brought an added element. Particularly in comparison to opponent. You had a good use of multis in terms of rhyme scheme rather than rhyme complexity. I did like that you used the setup/ filler lines to bring a degree of aggression.

Main areas of improvement I think were around disses and in editing. You could make your lines crisper, as you got a load of rhymes in but it made your lines longer and therefore you lose some sharpness in what you're saying. Kind of the same issue with disses, I would've liked them to be more aggressive and direct.

D Nos...

I think in many ways the feedback kind of mirrors what I said to Crimbo. You had many of the same downsides to the verse in terms of your disses (when you used them) needed to be more direct to do more damage. Even when you had punches they weren't really directed at Crim. As example, the Corona line, you're worse for the nation...but what's that got to do with Crim except in an indirect sense. You also had some additional weaknesses in some of your rhymes were half rhymes at best (e.g. Biden / given) and where you used imagery it was weak (e.g. like Darth Vader is a very dated reference). I think when you made personal references they were underutilised as well...so like when you used the Mod angle that was mentioned in passing in the filler line. I wouldve liked to see that become to focus of your punch as that would make it more impactful.

Overall...

It was a decent battle, there wasn't really anything in there like made me go "whoah that one hurt" but they were both solidly formed verses with decent grasp of fundamentals. Some of the more advanced aspects of battling were lacking from both sides and that took lot of sting out of the contest.

I think for what was there, Crimbo had better quality and was more consistent than his opponent so my vote goes that way.


Vote = Crim
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Concrete Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 November 2020 at 4:37pm

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Crimson with better flow yet punches needs more refining both with wording and general impact. You have plenty of potential concepts but unfortunately they come more as statements rather than effective plays. Perhaps you should just try to make it simpler and have fun with it, I mean the check play in your checkin was more snappy than what followed, because it was straight to the point. Keep at it tho.

D-Nos, much the same as Crim, many viable concepts that unfortunately didnt translate to damage. The Darth Vader \ father figure could have flipped to something way better, gotta work on flips to make something dope you know. However, you had the best line in the match with the "leave you with crimson teeth" simply because it was personal and straight uncomplicated, so based on that alone you'll get my vote.

Vote D-nos.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 November 2020 at 9:25pm

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It’s a difficult vote to call for sure, I see both you guys have dropped decent verses that were enjoyable to read, rhymes were solid for the most part by both
Downside and I’m surprised to say this because you both have plenty of LA experience to know how to deliver a proper punch but neither of you done it
D nos you had a more edgy kinda verse at times but at other times your wording really hurt you like the jump on your dick and slide thing? WTF
You did have some better lines though like the Crimson teeth thing was probably your best but overall there was no direction and no believable intent to get at your opponent
I will say this though, you are a better writer than you used to be and you just need to tweak your style towards battle writing if you want to win a battle

Crimson
Same shit my brother but with you I’m even more surprised because you been voting battles for years now and your voting style proves you have a great understanding of what a punching aggressive battle verse requires to work, so we’re was your intent to win? You gotta know fam that most of your verse was throwaway
Again like D you did write a decent verse and your rhyme game and flow have much improved over the years but often your wording hurts you because it sometimes comes off cheesy and lacks real aggression
We all know you are a great guy but put that away in battles my man
I did spot the creativeness in your sheep play though, that made me chuckle and to be honest was my favourite bar of the battle....

This is hard to call, you guys are evenly matched but You both only had one hit on each other, I want you both to be better I know you are capable
Got to throw this one towards Crimson because for me his sheep bar was more creative incorporating humour and visuals and D had that Crimson teeth thing but it wasn’t quite as well thought out

Much respect guys keep up
Vote Crimson

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2020 at 7:22am

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I DONT BELIEVE D'S HYPE
fuckin' DOPE!!!!
but then the BMX line didn't seem like it did anything. i think switch it around.
since youve structured it as a 'Setup Line->Punch Line' bar, i think ending on
"i dont believe ds hype" is better than "i can freestyle like bmx on pipes". yknow?
im perfectly fine with hyping yourself up, its part of a battle. youre BETTER than them.
but when you set it up with such a hot line and then end it on a light self-hype one, it just misses.

i think you shouldve swapped your lines around to end with the sheep one, or the gettysburg one.
that way you end on a very solid diss or making a statement about how much you'll fuck him up.
i think its best to get a strong line in at the end to really sell the whole thing.

also in regards to your last night, it doesn't seem like much of a diss.
sorta comes across as suss. you gonna thrust him to win? hes speeding by you in the end?
that last line, to me, really hurts the whole verse.

Overall the verse was good. You got some shots in, you rhymed really fuckin well.
As i said, a few lines look like they  should be moved around but you did diss him on almost
every line anyway. I guess that makes up for it. Maybe my gripe is how youve structured the post
itself. It seems intentional though, so i gotta go with how you've presented it.




lemme go from the top. THe intro was...eh, not great. you used "given given geddon feeling biden"
as your main rhyme pattern and it seemed sloppy. biden is far from a perfect rhyme with given, idk if
you know that. if my mans name was Joe Bidden, then we in business. but it aint.

following lines were hard as hell. "screwed by r.n.g, youre slewed r.i.p, everybodys deep, leave you with crimson teeth"
every part of that was dope. best bar of the battle.

then you went super sus. told the dude to hop on your dick? why????

next line is dope again. "dont need a cosigner, get no higher, i make the fire, hes a liar"
this is halfway to your battle. from here on out you better start coming for the throat.
cause you rhymin real well but you aint come at him with venom yet.

i liked this one. so much potential here. i think cut out the filler shit and swap the lines around.
finishing a diss with "your name and" is clearly not as good as finishing it with "your img is faded"

next line, at this stage, should be more focused on your opponent.
youre nearing the end of your battle, u gotta come hard.

OK. OK. no cap i lost my shit at your final line. "crimson juice, or just a monthly?"
hilarious shit. fucking hilarious. BUT how you gonna talk about watching his hole
and follow it up with "spunky". how'd yall both give super sus lines? lmao.





overall i think its a pretty good battle. both drops are witty,
barely any filler in both. almost every line had a point to it.
both rhymed really well.

i think NoS talked about himself a bit too much and the punches he did take,
half weren't effective. but i wanna say his hits were NICE. not a doubt in my
mind if you just tweaked a few lines youd win.

Crimson  was more consistent and talked his shit better. His personalised disses
went beyond just name flips. Just a better overall drop.

Vote to CJ.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Aiit so first read through I thought Crimson Juice doesn't speak english as his first language and like D-NoS showed some potential but his lack of experience really showed. I think this round it could go either way and might even end up being won stylistically rather than for the verses content as neither was really that hurtful. Aiit here comes some kinda breakdown and vote.

CJ

D Nos aka Dicey, your more square than a cube and you'll never be as icy,
See in rhymes i'm mighty, hot too, but you can't even manage to be spicy,

In order to try and provide helpful feedback, and while I get that icy and spicy and mighty and Dicey all rhyme, this line felt cute. I think part of the reason why is for its lack of plosives like b/t/k/c in the position in your writing of being hard consonants. I see you doing some things with like square and ice cubes though it kinda came off like u were saying he's cooler than Ice Cube and wouldn't have as much jewellery, and that you called urself non-icy too cos ur hot as well but he's not hot so he's kinda luke warm and that's kinda how this bar felt for me, kinda luke warm.

Going against you will make me look nice, I'll sprinkle ya around like spice,
Roll ya like gamblers do with Dice, leave ya shuck like elephants seein mice,

Damn bro nice, spice, Dice and mice made me cringe with ur rhymes, it's frustrating for me cos I can see a whole lot of content that you could be formulating into a cohesive bar here with multis and setup and punchline. How it is now though, the connect between shook the spice/looking nice doesn't have much to do with bookie dice or fooking mice you know what I mean? Almost more like basic acid rap or something ur style in this stanza.

He's yet to win a battle so makin no noise, like a baby with a broken rattle,
Type ya cackle branding you is easy, like 3 cowboys 1st roping lone cattle,

One word rhyming makes me sad when it's not very creative. The setup between the baby rattle and the lone cattle fell flat for me. I understand the concepts and the intention and see promise in the ideas around how to put this together but yeah it didn't connect at all.

Steppin' to me lookin' to fight, but like Public Enemy I Dont Believe D's Hype,
When my digits bust freestyles that's tight, like BMX bikes on quarter pipes,

Yeah this bar had potential too, while bikes and frees don't have much to do with Public Enemy necessarily, had that Don't Believe The Hype line been the punch here with the braggadocio line as the setup this one maybe showed the most promise of all the writing u did here for me.

D i'm going to leave you with chunks missing like when a pod of Orca's bite,
Leave you on the floor in a bloody mess, resemblin' The Gettysburg battlesite,

So much filler to just have bite rhyming with site really. Did something happen with Orca's in Gettysburg? I didn't think so was all in which case there is a disconnect going on here, mans get to thinking about missing chunks from Orca bites and then wonder what that has to do with Gettysburg or I did anyway.

Battlin' me when ya under everyone's radar, ya barely a ripple so don't try n ceeep,
Ask how many sexual partners he's had, he'll fall asleep countin'g all them sheep,

U gave him props for having lots of roots.

Shit if he was in the Welsh mafia and put in a police line up, he'd start singing,
D Nos don't know any DoN's, throw ya shots we know ya bisexual when swingin,

Ok so ur opinion is that if he was gang affiliated that he'd be a rat and that he doesn't know any gang members and that he's gay? I'm sorry I didn't understand what was going on here. Citation needed.

Cuz my ambition is to crush by using lyrical thrust, this weak bitch ass netcee,
D use your Nos, and quickly rush by me now like the jet stream & just breeze,

lyrical thrust? Ok. So u called him weak and a bitch ass and encouraged him to drive here. Sweet closer but who is really asking for a sweet closer in a rap battle?

DN

Heavy weight and no toss given its Armageddon but that is a given
dope. I don't care how ya feeling, I'm taking over like Joe Biden!

Ur taking over like Joe Biden (who had to step down from running for president in 1987 for plagiarism???) Ok this bar was pretty stretched like Biden and given only rhyme on paper right, u gotta stretch the word to see it as a rhyme but ultimately 'no lyin'' or something coulda rhymed tighter u know what I'm saying. U said given twice too that coulda been more creative ae

You got screwed by the R-N-G, I drop - your  slewed, R.I.P 
its Mad Dog everybody's deep, punches leave you with crimson teeth!

This is nice as u got some wordplay which is pretty direct and there's a personal there, the format could have been tighter but na this one's aiit

Oi oi oi! boy-o-boy bury this bitch it's homicide
Bitch hop on my dick and ride - pussy juice up n down and slide...

This bar smells like teen spirit or some shit though, teenage angst haha. U kill him and then put him on ur dick? That's necrophilia homie haha I don't think that's legal in the states. Think about all ur lines meticulously cos sometimes ur worst ones can outshine ur best ones especially when u put them right next to each other

Dope in the blood  don't need a co-signer, next dimension get no higher
I am the spark I make the fire - Crimson ain't dope nope he's a liar

Nice braggadocio steez going on, based on nothing really though. If u outchea claiming all these bold claims it's usually ideal if u got the experience to back it or the self-connect doesn't get pulled off and it leaves ur words up in the air too. Bit of a loose connection in the setup and punch here and u calling him a liar is a bit playground, u can maybe try to hurt his feelings a bit more.

Mr.Moderator i'ma be ya motivator get a new look cuz your image is faded
I'ma father figure like Darth Vader make you wish you choose another shade for your name and 

Ur gonna motivate him like a father figure and choose his colour

I'm a demon seathing with evil intention corona is bad but i'm worse for the nation
asked for the beast here in the flesh man doper than me nah nah keep dreaming

Ur a demon and a beast

Unstoppable underrated as fuck'n all when i spray better pray better duck'n all
I am off my rocker I am off the wall - Crimson had better watch his  hole

Ur crazy and Crimson should watch his  hole???

Music junkie way too funky spitting on mic and come in too spunky,
break an emcee like he Humpty Dumpty, Crimson Juice? or just a Monthly... 

That weak ass closer had potential but it just had nothing to do with the bragging setup thing you had going on.

Aiit on closer inspection D-NoS while he had an ok bar, the majority of his verse was him talking about unconnected concepts in the bars that were a bit whack and bragging about being great. He threw in the word Crimson a few times but overall just had a much more limited vocabulary and didn't have as much imagery or wordplay going on. Equally, Crimson had a few concepts that were a bit whack and both could show some marked improvement as there is a good knowledge base of language for both being drawn on but more research and investigation into OG rhyme-crafting and studying the legends and the greats of the game would probably continue to do them both a world of good. For more consistency in style and structure mainly and this was actually a close as shit battle,

MVGT Crimson Juice
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 November 2020 at 4:18pm
4-1 to me..props DNos..
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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