Text Battle Archive: T2T Round 2: Crimson Juice vs Ashley Kaos (0-2)

Like an attacking move in Chess...check.

This battles 1 sided ya resemblin rabbits in headlights or rats near traps,
What is it with the way you rap? Voice soundin like a pipe that's capped,

Born with a gap in her lip like the flippers on a machine called pin ball,
With a trash can lid i'ill smash ya CLEF lip turnng it to a Musical Symbol,

When she has a relationship ASH again feels HOT needed and hired,
Like WOOD in bed or at a camp shes always gettin POKED then FIRED,

whilst we're on the topic of wood and my punches are hittin like mallets,
Seens ya had plenty in ya mouth, how you never fixed that broken palate?

I'm not even Dutch but if I was and saw ya in a flower bed, i'd call youTu-lip,
Here's a pun/quip if I put an oxygen mask on.then I'd be like you, air lipped,

After this y'all be 'Gone Till November' next, & i ain't even talking Wyclef,
Twisting your lips all out of sink scared me to death, that's WY 'C-'LEFT,

like a coke im cold to the core, i mimic a live cow between a bun I'm so raw,
Bet when ya drink a milk shake its like seein a camel slurp through a straw,

So don't call a truce I'll leave KAOS wet drippin in CrimsonJuice, no joke,
like she menstratin or resemblin queen Elizabeth BATHory havin' a SOAK,

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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Crim//

Your opener was structured nicely, that’s where the compliments end. The set up had no relevance to the punch and it was a soft jab at best.

Second bar was okay. Witty but not exactly damaging.

Your third was your best bar. The concept was good, The rolling theme Ash/Wood/Fire etc was good, The transaction from set up to punchline was good. The execution was Ish. I get why you went with ‘Hired’ as it entwined with ‘Fired’ but I think ‘Desired’ would of been much more fitting personally.

Fourth bar was tidy work. The continued Wood/Pallet/Mallet theme worked nicely. The structure was flawless and the set up and punchline was nice. Your hardest hitting bar. Again, to find criticism, not a fan of the use of ‘Whilst we’re on the subject’. You need to find a more creative way of continuity than that.

Not a fan of your fifth bar at all. Never include “Here’s a pun/quip” in a battle verse. Imply the pun, don’t tell your readers that’s what your doing.

Sixth bar, first of all it is November. So that play didn’t have the desired effect. Other than that. Structure good. Punch good. Wordplay worked nicely.

To quote AK’s verse, your seventh bar was ‘Amateur hour’.

Your was.. alright. I get the intention but the punch felt forced. Though their was some bite in it.

Overall// You showed some real signs of some understanding of how to write a battle verse. Some good rolling themes, but the Lip theme was dragged out far too much. It was a very hit & miss drop.

AK//

Opener was decent, came out swinging with the flip & personals.

Second bar wasn’t great, nothing real hard hitting there.

Third bar was good in its simplicity.

Fourth bar again was a miss for me. A light jab at best.

Fifth once again was good in its simplicity.

Sixth was a decent enough attempt, punchline was stretched but the Concept was decent.

Seventh bar flowed well enough but could of been written to anybody.

Closer was your best bar. Enjoyed the punchline.

Overall// Again a bit hit and miss. You had a much more simplistic approach but it worked. Didn’t try to over complicate things and stuck to a personal beat down. I was left feeling you didn’t put your all into this one, perhaps you didn’t need to dropping second but would of liked to see more from you.

Vote// AK - Both were hit & miss and inconsistent. Crim showed some real effort in the construction of his bars but at times over complicated things. This persistence of the lip theme didn’t help his cause either. AK kept it simple, constant personal jabs and an all round better battle verse

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.

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This battles 1 sided ya resemblin rabbits in headlights or rats near traps,
What is it with the way you rap? Voice soundin like a pipe that's capped,

-this is just childish nursery rhymes really. Your set up has nothing to do with the actual punch. Had you worked around the punch and tied the set up in with a little more wit this could have been a cool personal

Born with a gap in her lip like the flippers on a machine called pin ball,
With a trash can lid i'ill smash ya CLEF lip turnng it to a Musical Symbol,

-set has nothing to do with your punch... it’s funny but what pin ball gotta do with music? The image of you hitting her with a trash can lid is lmao but but nothing to do with the actual punch

When she has a relationship ASH again feels HOT needed and hired,
Like WOOD in bed or at a camp shes always gettin POKED then FIRED,

-this could have been much nicer worded different. I see where you were going but you didn’t execute this properly


whilst we're on the topic of wood and my punches are hittin like mallets,
Seens ya had plenty in ya mouth, how you never fixed that broken palate?

-again... could have been nice if worded properly... the execution on the personal is tired.

I'm not even Dutch but if I was and saw ya in a flower bed, i'd call youTu-lip,
Here's a pun/quip if I put an oxygen mask on.then I'd be like you, air lipped,

-tulip and air lip DONT rhyme. Also not a fan of having the same end words. Now as a diss this is how you would come at some one? “Ya well you are air lipped nananana boo booo” come on man

After this y'all be 'Gone Till November' next, & i ain't even talking Wyclef,
Twisting your lips all out of sink scared me to death, that's WY 'C-'LEFT,


-everything was cool till the end... wtf does this mean

like a coke im cold to the core, i mimic a live cow between a bun I'm so raw,
Bet when ya drink a milk shake its like seein a camel slurp through a straw,


-idk what coke being cold has anything to do with her drinking milk... besides that this was light but funny

So don't call a truce I'll leave KAOS wet drippin in CrimsonJuice, no joke,
like she menstratin or resemblin queen Elizabeth BATHory havin' a SOAK,

-terrible closer.

- wasn’t feeling your verse. You need to be more aggressive and lose the fillers. Be more witty bro. You have an arsenal of personals to play with and they fell short


Vs


Pussy your so scared, its insane! Sayin the same things expecting different results ?
Wack, always will be cause you only drop feed and cant write a written yourself!

-this was actually cool. The personal speaks

You need help, i bruise crim putting tears in those dry eyes
Bars so boring you type rhymes sounding like "The Clear Eyes Guy"

-nah this was a miss. Boring diss and not executed

Why? Aint a real member of LA if you don't rap....so how did you get in ?
Your a mod cause you kissed so much ass, but it'll take more than that to win this

-personal is facts but again you didn’t execute it properly as a punch. Needed to be harsher

Try and paint yourself to be cool, bitch i can see right through your image
Punches made him bleed splatter turned this whole site the color crimson


-this is decent definitely could have been better. On the right path though the set up ties in

Aint a Lyricist when you write words with Inc. Band wagon bitch aint original
Your whole krew thinks your a bitch too, only let you in because they all pity you


-funny but why spell Crew with a K? Missing something here. This light and basic though

Hes hyped up, ready to throw blows, tried to start shit but it just back fired
Shots lack power, Battery with no juice, roll with the punches like a flat tire

-too much going on here just stick to one concept and hit him with it. Roll with the punch is a beaten down concept to

Mother shoulda named you oscar meyer, way your getting slaughtered like a pig
Mike Meyers sliced this kid, then Mailed his body back home where his family lives

-nah again too much going on. Stick to one concept and flow with it...

This Amateur hour, but i have no time your bars unworthy and dont hurt me
Soft like a ferby, take your L cause you cant win this battle by closin it early

-soft like a ferby was lol’s anyways the Mod/closing battle early is played but you could have flipped it since it’s a current action the dork does.


Overall this was a light read. You both have some basic shit or shit that’s all over the map especially with all the personals you both had. Crimson really had nothing hitting at all and Ashley had a few decent hits. Her misses were harder to she was just more aggressive here. Props on showing y’all keep it up

V/Smashley