Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [Text] Absolute Abomination vs Sky Scrapur (0-3)

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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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    Posted: 15 June 2015 at 2:04pm
72 hours
6 bars
house rules

check if you want, no need.

I'll drop in a day or two. Who you want to go first Sky? You pick.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Sky Scrapur View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2015 at 12:46am
You a fake Ben son, so i will openly kick you in tha crotch,
cause come "hero time" you always missing the "alien watch".

You dropped a "10 minute quick verse" like all these rookies,
& we still couldn't see Abomination Marvel like comic movies.

I've just rehydrated my tongue for something fresh not dry,
To lyrically abuse Ab Soul so hard, they'll hear another Soul Cry.

He's just another easy door to my success, no mojo no powers,
so i will simply slide this X-Enigma away like Dreamline Showers.

The Call-Outs can tell it's the first you've battled,
because you are a Virgin and i'm already settled.

We don't care if he's Batman impressin chicks in Gotham,
cause ain't none special about "Abs", every man got em.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 June 2015 at 2:40pm
This dude wanna piece of my crotch, don't ignore the balls homie
"Come, hero!" be what you beggin while blowin on me

You're probably right, my verse did suck, something you have in common
But the abomination is here now, come on I hope ya haven't forgotten

The theme of this battle is you suckin on it, obviously
So be free Willy and probably be shocked at the anamoly

Each one of his lines are discarded and this faggot tried to give me his spare X chromosome
But the enigma is whether he just a bitch or retarded, something I won't never know

But I keep the answer for myself, and I'm the reason that ya door locked
Fuckin' Elf, not even Santa could help, now let's see what else I can concoct

Time to flick the killswitch; you a bitch or that a shuddering addiction?
Sound better than you when I'm stuttering and I cause utter affliction
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Shankley View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 June 2015 at 12:00pm
Please use full usernames of all battlers involved thanks.
The Amount of Fucks given: Zero
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DjFlame Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2015 at 11:26pm
Sky-
1st bar- Nobody above the age of 12 is going to get this bar. You have to realize the community you're looking at. Ben 10 punches aren't the best way to go. Also, the crotch bar wasn't a great setup either. Think of your setup as a jab, with your punchline being the haymaker. If a punch is going to be this weak, you could have decorated it in multis as well, give it a little razzle dazzle. Flow was alright, no problem with it.
2nd bar- This was a gray area between "generic" and "personal." Abomination marvel? Sure, you used his name but it should have been more specific to him. Marvel was alright, but rookies/movies doesn't rhyme in my accent. This bar is nearly discredited if it doesn't rhyme, that's the building blocks of battles.
3rd bar- Didn't really like this bar either, and this is a prime example of needed a multi or a harder punch. The first part of it was completely filler, nothing else to it, people don't understand how well a setup can help you in a battle! Also, this bar didn't really pop out at me, though Soul Cry seems to ring a bell. This is another one of your bars to where not everyone's going to get it, you need to spread out the audience (for lack of a better term) that can understand your bar.
4th bar- Why are you calling him X-Enigma? Is there something I missed here? When you use something like that, it has to be relative to your opponent. I also don't really know what Dreamline showers is, mate, make your bars less specific to a certain group. Also, "no mojo no powers" isn't really a great setup, as the wording sounds whack as fuck out loud. You have to really ask yourself if something makes sense before you hit "submit."
5th bar- Battled and settled doesn't rhyme in my accent. Another bar thrown into he wind imo. The bar itself didn't hit hard, it was just a long sentence.
6tg bar- Once again, I don't understand the superhero shit, mate. Why are you calling him batman? Is it because of his name? Batman wasn't an abomination. Was it just for the sake of metaphor? Then your metaphors are too abstract to roll, mate. Everybody's thinking "what?" And that severely fucks with the punchline.

Aa-
1st bar- I swear to God I'm missing something. If this was a flip, it should have not been presented this way. Saying "he'll be like..." Or "he'll be saying" anything like that's going to not work in a battle tbh. It might, but its going to have to be a dope ass concept.
2nd bar- WHY ARE PEOPLE DOING THIS?! Do people realize that calling their own verse/lines/bars whack is RETARDED? What if Mike Tyson went around, talking about the gap between his teeth? And also, why are you saying "come on, I hope you havent forgotten" that's NOT a punch! Do you understand what an insult is? Insult your opponent on every bar!
3rd bar- Too metaphorical. I personally don't like metaphors in my bars. That said, nice multis and flow.
4th bar- OK, you're getting there. Sort of. He doesn't have down syndrome, I don't suppose, so this is a generic punch. Direct your bars towards your opponent.
5th bar- Another non-punch bar. Why are you calling him an elf? Is he short? Also, more metaphors and shit. Forget them altogether. There not working for you.
6th bar- This was nice multis and flow. But once again, it was generic. This bar could be directed at anyone. Enough said.

With all of this said, it may sound like I'm flaming, but the best way to improve is take all of that to heart and write more correct next time up.

So, in a close battle, my vote goes to Sky for more personals.

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Elite View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 July 2015 at 2:52pm
yo, not bad, this was fairly close.

Sky. You actually brought some decent bars! No offence, but most of your work i read is horse shit, maybe thats just when you first joined, but this was a decent verse man. Nice flow, most of the punches and personals connected, and i was diggin the Ab Soul bar. Good shit. Youre punches werent GREAT, but they were consistent as shit, you kept hittin and wouldnt let up, line for line, bar for bar you were swinging. Good shit.

Ab, not feelin this too much. You were bar for bar punching like Sky, but the difference is, yours werent connecting and his were. Your lines about X chromosomes and the one that followed was stretched as fuck. No flow to it at all tbh. Gotta work on your punches and make sure your shit FLOWS to bro. 

Mvgt Sky
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nomedic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2015 at 10:24pm
sky

i feel your craft could definatley improve if you spent more time on polishing it the end schemes were not refreshin at all and your verse had no internals well these things help boost your flow factor so try workin on that i feel your plays showed you have an idea of hoe you could use a punch but i feel you also have to try workin on the wording department to ensure the punches dont fall flat


ab

i feel your verse was rushed bro the flip on the first bar couldve been done better the other bars had no punch in them and in terms of flow you should also try improving that as well the X line is proof. my suggestion hit the tutorials in order to learn how to swing better

mvgt sky for actually throwing punches

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Shankley View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2015 at 10:29pm
Sky Scrapur wins 3-0
The Amount of Fucks given: Zero
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