Text Battle Archive: [Text] AxyRocker vs Slip (0-3) |
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AxyRocker
Standard Member Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL |
Topic: [Text] AxyRocker vs Slip (0-3) Posted: 24 April 2016 at 4:19am |
Topical
20-24 bars Topic - The Highjacking of a taxi driver. 10 days deadline
Edited by Arthur - 01 May 2016 at 11:31pm |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
Posted: 28 April 2016 at 12:43am |
feeling a little tipsy around 3:30 A.M Erica calls a taxi to leave her and a friend its bin a long shift for vinny plus a few good tips two intoxicated women in the back with huge tits gettin friendly with the cabbie beginning to heat up both flirting back and forth fittin to meet up i gotta finish up sweetie people got to get home what's your number baby girl let me put it in my phone i call you up when im free after making a little dough and bring some party treats with me cos thats how i roll Erica and Suzie look at each other giggling and laughin what kind of party treats you thinkin bout how much you grabbin about a half a bag of blow some molly and chronic maybe even more when i re-up if you want it i got that premo product uncut its the purest we could have a lot of fun girls don't be nervous oh dont worry we ain't ,theres nothin wrong with a buzz bring those drugs to the hotel get some kisses an hugs ex's and oh'z we ain't sluts we aint hoes were just a couple of girls who like to take off our clothes so vinny drops'em off bitches digits in his cell saved as two fine ass hoes hotter than hell got a few bricks to flip sellin every bit of it in no time at all vinnys gettin rid of it pockets feelin phat baggin jeans lookin tight as he shows up at the hotel later that night knock knock knockin on the door with a smile breakin out the phone as he begins to dial Suzie opens up the door hauls him in by his shirt Erica's lid on the bed with her hand up her skirt panties coming off flick right across the room vinnys jaw drops as she's dancing to a tune he slaps the cash and the drugs on the table like boom Suzie pages the up crew so they'll be there soon what cha doin baby girl who'd you call whats the deal i thought it was the three of us to night, gettin freaky for real not even ten minutes later in the door bust some gats three gangsta's packin heat one takes off his mask drugs and the cash boy keys to your gettin jacked ok girls take the cab drive and dont look back on your knees vinny its a pity i gotta do this but those hoodrats set you up bro the ghetto is ruthless on the 6 O'Clock news the next day they found him just another dead cabbie to add to the mountain
Edited by The Law - 28 April 2016 at 1:28am |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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AxyRocker
Standard Member Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL |
Posted: 05 May 2016 at 7:32pm |
Dear diary, I met a girl today, she was irish Some may say a she's bit childish but on the stylish side just the perfect vibe I dunno how to describe, lets just say she was my type You know my types are rare, you don't generally find one Especially here in detroit man! I ain't the blind one You know how my childhood's been it wasn't the right one Besides fun I did pretty much everything, tight huh? So I remember us having fun in the park when all of a sudden guns started firing a bullet hit her chest and i lost my wiring I rushed to the main street as soon as I could told a taxi driver to help me, would be good but he denied, didn't wanna get into police scene shoot man, I've seen many but no one that mean I looked across the street, no more cabs were comin time runnin out, I offered him money He still denied, so I had no choice but trip I still remember his head in my hand, I remember the grip Then snap! I did what I had to I didn't even flinch Got into the taxi and covered the road inch by inch I got to the hospital but soon cops came by I tried to tell em it was my only option, that girl was dying that She was bleeding, her blood must have carried some meaning? This must be a dream, I must be dreaming They found the dead driver with my finger prints Jesus ! I hope you forgive me for my sins I'll find someone, some day, maybe the same tale , hell! I just remembered I am in a jail cell I guess you must have forgotten it too Stupid me, Can't help but write the same thing, I've been telling you for past decade, it still feels like it happened today I'll come back tomorrow bud, lets hope I've something new to say
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Sky Scrapur
Standard Member Joined: 21 October 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1133 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Posted: 07 May 2016 at 7:48am |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Slip : Good story you brought up and flow was nice and smooth although i expected a couple of multiple rhymes from you. I think you did an excellent job as far as descriptive writing is concerned so good job. Axyrocker : A different take on the story and i liked that. You made it a love one, heartfelt and good although the flow wasnt that smooth perhabs cause you raced against time. You both didn't put effort in schemes neverthless MVGT Slip For a more captivating piece with great imagery and better flow. |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 09 May 2016 at 12:29pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. slip your verse was Overal pleasing,you showed some good contents and detail in your drop,your tempo and whole ambient was good,i also thought the story was what could be acted out on screen as it ticked along smoothly,plus you managed to stick with the topic matters also a bonus..good Job. Axy your verse was also decent,I get it was more if a tale of love and labour,your contents and detail was good,and the tempo on the whole was decent,although in some parts your flow did suffer,but you did stick at your story,and still got what you need say out,I like the way you build up in your verses,all in all a decent drop. Overal a decent match up here,both gave good accounts of themselves in the writing department,and both I liked the way they took their story in contrast to each other,but there has to be a winner right, so I'm gonna go.with Slip,for having a more constant tempo,plus for me the better discriptive verse.. Vote...Slip..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Droidian
Newbie BIG GAME KILLER! Joined: 07 May 2016 Location: Toronto Status: Offline Points: 776 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Posted: 09 May 2016 at 6:40pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. two different approaches to this one, nice Slip: solid throughout. i thought the narrative progressed well...while i feel that it's I'd that such an elaborate caper be used for a mere cabbie, i did feel the underlying urgency of this ending badly for the guy. well done scheme-wise it was simple but clean. AxyRocker: like Slip's, i found it a bit of a conceptual stretch. a person that embroiled in a battle to save someone's life seems unlikely to them murder an unwilling bystander. Not that it's impossible by any means, just didn't sit right with me. Also, that it was framed as a diary seems overdone. that said i do think that you captured the feel of outrage from the narrator. props. scheme wise i thought that you had some clean end rhymes, but at times the internal flourishes were more distracting than enhancing. Good job to both my vote goes to Slip |
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Arthur
Veteran Joined: 23 August 2013 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 2310 Text Rank: #5 Stats: 36-7-0 Form: WWWWLL |
Posted: 09 May 2016 at 11:18pm |
Slip wins 3-0 KO
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