Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [Text] AxyRocker vs Slip (0-3)

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [Text] AxyRocker vs Slip (0-3)
    Posted: 24 April 2016 at 4:19am
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20-24 bars

Topic - The Highjacking of a taxi driver.

10 days deadline


Edited by Arthur - 01 May 2016 at 11:31pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 April 2016 at 12:43am
feeling a little tipsy around 3:30 A.M 
Erica calls a taxi to leave her and a friend

its bin a long shift for vinny plus a few good tips
two intoxicated women in the back with huge tits

gettin friendly with the cabbie beginning to heat up
both flirting back and forth fittin to meet up

i gotta finish up sweetie people got to get home
what's your number baby girl let me put it in my phone

i call you up when im free after making a little dough
and bring some party treats with me cos thats how i roll

Erica and Suzie look at each other giggling and laughin
what kind of party treats you thinkin bout how much you grabbin

about a half a bag of blow some molly and chronic
maybe even more when i re-up if you want it

i got that premo product uncut its the purest
we could have a lot of fun girls don't be nervous

oh dont worry we ain't ,theres nothin wrong with a buzz
bring those drugs to the hotel get some kisses an hugs

ex's and oh'z we ain't sluts we aint hoes 
were just a couple of girls who like to take off our clothes

so vinny drops'em off bitches digits in his cell
saved as two fine ass hoes hotter than hell

got a few bricks to flip sellin every bit of it
in no time at all vinnys gettin rid of it

pockets feelin phat baggin jeans lookin tight
as he shows up at the hotel later that night

knock knock knockin on the door with a smile 
breakin out the phone as he begins to dial

Suzie opens up the door hauls him in by his shirt
Erica's lid on the bed with her hand up her skirt

panties coming off flick right across the room
vinnys jaw drops as she's dancing to a tune

he slaps the cash and the drugs on the table like boom
Suzie pages the up crew so they'll be there soon

what cha doin baby girl who'd you call whats the deal
i thought it was the three of us to night, gettin freaky for real

not even ten minutes later in the door bust some gats
three gangsta's packin heat one takes off his mask

drugs and the cash boy keys to your gettin jacked
ok girls take the cab drive and dont look back

on your knees vinny its a pity i gotta do this
but those hoodrats set you up bro the ghetto is ruthless

on the 6 O'Clock news the next day they found him
just another dead cabbie to add to the mountain


Edited by The Law - 28 April 2016 at 1:28am
See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so
warn the mother fucking people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 7:32pm
Dear diary,
I met a girl today, she was irish
Some may say a she's bit childish
but on the stylish side just the perfect vibe
I dunno how to describe, lets just say she was my type
You know my types are rare, you don't generally find one
Especially here in detroit man! I ain't the blind one
You know how my childhood's been it wasn't the right one
Besides fun I did pretty much everything, tight huh?
So I remember us having fun in the park when
all of a sudden guns started firing
a bullet hit her chest and i lost my wiring
I rushed to the main street as soon as I could
told a taxi driver to help me, would be good
but he denied, didn't wanna get into police scene
shoot man, I've seen many but no one that mean
I looked across the street, no more cabs were comin
time runnin out, I offered him money
He still denied, so I had no choice but trip
I still remember his head in my hand, I remember the grip
Then snap! I did what I had to I didn't even flinch
Got into the taxi and covered the road inch by inch
I got to the hospital but soon cops came by
I tried to tell em it was my only option, that girl was dying
that She was bleeding, her blood must have carried some meaning?
This must be a dream, I must be dreaming 
They found the dead driver with my finger prints
Jesus ! I hope you forgive me for my sins

I'll find someone, some day, maybe the same tale , hell!
I just remembered I am in a jail cell
I guess you must have forgotten it too
Stupid me, Can't help but write the same thing, I've been telling you 
for past decade, it still feels like it happened today
I'll come back tomorrow bud, lets hope I've something new to say
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2016 at 7:48am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Slip : Good story you brought up and flow was nice and smooth although i expected a couple of multiple rhymes from you.
I think you did an excellent job as far as descriptive writing is concerned so good job.

Axyrocker : A different take on the story and i liked that. You made it a love one, heartfelt and good although the flow wasnt that smooth perhabs cause you raced against time.


You both didn't put effort in schemes neverthless


MVGT Slip


For a more captivating piece with great imagery and better flow.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 May 2016 at 12:29pm

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slip your verse was Overal pleasing,you showed some good contents
and detail in your drop,your tempo and whole ambient was good,i
also thought the story was what could be acted out on screen as
it ticked along smoothly,plus you managed to stick with the topic
matters also a bonus..good Job.

Axy your verse was also decent,I get it was more if a tale of love
and labour,your contents and detail was good,and the tempo on the
whole was decent,although in some parts your flow did suffer,but
you did stick at your story,and still got what you need say out,I
like the way you build up in your verses,all in all a decent drop.

Overal a decent match up here,both gave good accounts of themselves
in the writing department,and both I liked the way they took their
story in contrast to each other,but there has to be a winner right,
so I'm gonna go.with Slip,for having a more constant tempo,plus for
me the better discriptive verse..

Vote...Slip..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 May 2016 at 6:40pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


two different approaches to this one, nice

Slip: solid throughout.   i thought the narrative progressed well...while i feel that it's I'd that such an elaborate caper be used for a mere cabbie, i did feel the underlying urgency of this ending badly for the guy. well done

scheme-wise it was simple but clean.   

AxyRocker: like Slip's, i found it a bit of a conceptual stretch. a person that embroiled in a battle to save someone's life seems unlikely to them murder an unwilling bystander. Not that it's impossible by any means, just didn't sit right with me. Also, that it was framed as a diary seems overdone. that said i do think that you captured the feel of outrage from the narrator. props.

scheme wise i thought that you had some clean end rhymes, but at times the internal flourishes were more distracting than enhancing.

Good job to both

my vote goes to Slip

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 May 2016 at 11:18pm
Slip wins 3-0 KO
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