Text Battle Archive: [Text] AxyRocker vs The Unknown (0-3)

You’re makin’ a real risk, axe, takin’ a step into the unknown                                                                  Because once my raps start flowin’ there’s only one way this is goin’-you getting owned

 Going up against me? Not sharpest tool in the shed, I can see. So I’d advise you to flee before I get angry        Gonna slam your ass so hard, should call me Paul Bunyan, if you axed (asked) me you’d better get-a runnin’

You call yourself an axe, more like a call of duty hatchet, verses so bad even Helen Keller could match it You think you can rap against me, HA, you can’t hack it, so why don’t you just forget it n’ pack it

 You should rack this up, axe, as another battle lost

Cause when it comes to you and me, I’m clearly the boss!

 

Locked for spamming.

this wasn't anything spectacular or outstanding but you guys are trying let me break it down

Unknown: first thing you notice is the structure it makes it hard to get any real flow going but once you get used to it you did have a decent flow in this. Your opener was okay but the punch was more of a statement than a punchline throw a simile or metaphor in there to show why he's gonna be owned. Most of the punch was just filler trim out the filler and make more use of your words. Your second bar had rhyming issues no matter how I pronounced 'angry and runnin' I couldn't make em rhyme they don't work and again this bar had a lot of filler and the punch was statementish. This was slightly better had some wordplay hack it- axe things was clever but the Helen Keller ref wasn't the greatest it's good you similes but it needs to be something that makes your opponent look like a dickhead because like Mission said she was a great writer so she could easily match anything either of you write. Your closer was Shiite it's like you ran out of ideas and just resorted to self hype which in a battle this short is a big no-no your opener and closer are the most important bar of a battle your opener sets the tone for a battle and the closer should leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Any: Your opener was okay you was aiming at him but the punch was weak and a statement you started off promising with the set up name play but you fell off when you went for the punchline. The second bar was a throwaway nothing in it at all. The set up and the punch was rubbish. The attempted flip was executed terribly and that is the thing with flip if you don't do them well they hurt ya verse, kitschy I don't get why people say NO FLIPPING another throwaway bar terrible and the flip was bollocks. This was a little better than ya previous bar's but still scrap no punch no personal nothing in here the closest thing ya got to a personal was stating he joined yesterday (and it was 2 days ago 19,20,21) lol. I'm glad ya explained the blue ox thing I didn't know about it, I'm not versed in American folklore.

Overall you both need to check the <a href="http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/elevation-centre_forum6.html" rel="nofollow">Elevation Centre</a> out and learn how to construct a half decent battle verse and check out some of the better battlers how they work punches. I think Unknown scraped this only just he had more bad bars than crap bars th, so...

MVGT The Unknown

Edited by Shankley - 01 January 2015 at 2:54pm