Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [Text] D-NoS vs Who-Is-You? (0-4)

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    Posted: 30 October 2017 at 6:03pm
1 round, 
5 bars, 10 lines
48 hours
<span style=": rgb51, 51, 51;">5 votes or 3-0 KO</span>


Edited by Crimson Juice - 12 November 2017 at 11:08am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Who-Is-You? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 October 2017 at 8:29pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D-NoS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 October 2017 at 10:18pm

This man is happy to battle me thats what I call insainity 
I been to hell but they spat me back out because they could'nt handle me

Im gonna make you regret ever stepping onto this battlfield 
my words are weapons.. and I'll kill you for the thrill

I dont know who you be.. but I know you be a noobie
ya raps so whack.. makes me puke to be a part of humanity

Name begins with a D.. Im random and chilly
You know what you can call me, ..but Who-Do-You-Be?  

Casper the friendly Ghost burnt like toast you look silly
wanna battle me.. but couldn't battle your own willy 


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Who-Is-You? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2017 at 1:17am

He goes by Emcee Dicey. But his lyrics lame and sloppy
So today LA, they gon watch me, shake up and throw dice around like playing Yahtzee
the lame can't stop me. It's murder. The kid is trash, get his mental lashed
finished fast. be like when he writes his name, D NoS split, in a dash -
Emcee? Bitch please! You aint reachin my skill. for you, that's an unfound stage
Put this kid in the hospital and just hope he gets more visits than his Soundcloud page
Trying to battle me, I'm top of my class. You don't compare to me, like this
such a failure, first thing we see when we look at your name is D minus
I'm tellin this idiot, ya can't fuck with me, bastard
I'm like a father of battling so I son-D <-- if he come at me backwards
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2017 at 6:40pm
OK guys firstly props to you both here,it good to see the battle section in use again,
see members here have battled each other countless of times,so this comes off as
fresh,& Some have lost the desire or motivation..(but don't be fooled,there is some
serious talent in this field here at LA honestly),so guys from here on choose your opponents wisely,as they will be looking at this and gauging your levels for future reference..



D Nos you rhyme comes off like your doing audio diss track,you had a few indirect
personals here,but because text is mostly about display,they seemed to fall flat on
reading,they had a simplistic vibe to them really,your punches ended up hitting like
swipes at best,but I feel with a voice/accent behind them they would transform to
a more aggressive/aimed digestible verse,I'm sorry if i seem blunt,but i won't blow smoke up your ass when it comes to voting,you seem to be lacking that umph that
makes a text battle piece pop,still this piece did have substance and merit,and in
parts you got at him too,just nothing landed as heavy via punches/personals or
wordplay.as a suggestion,when battling in text form (as in audio battles you'll be
fine),look and read some past battles,get a feel of what it is that's needed to make
punches land hard and count..


Who Is You,although your line lengths broke the flow up some,(via excess wording),
you did however have the better verse here still,the gripe I have is unequal line lengths
and none to little inners/multis to bolster up flow,your similes were decent though,&
your last bar with the reverse wordplay on his alias was nice to be fair,(probably the best bar of the battle),your verse on comparison was the better text verse,(try trim-
ming your word usage,or adding more multi's via word or syllables,to make your
punches/plays really impact..)


Vote..WIY..peace.

"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bazooka bastard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 October 2017 at 10:58pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


I dunno if I can vote or not, there's a lot of writing on the rules page.

D-Nos, mate, that wasn't a great read. You just sort of insulted him and a bit of it rhymed. Always go for name flips if you got nowt else, but don't just tell him 'his raps so whack it makes you puke to be human'

Who merked it fairly easy, I struggled catchin your flow but I haven't slept in a while. Yahtzee bar was decent, probs bar of the battle.

48 hours seems like a long fuckin time for 10 lines btw
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 November 2017 at 3:17pm
OK,so just some advice here guys for future reference,your allowed to bump a
thread ONCE,anything other than votes or topic related matter will be viewed
as freeposting/spamming or trolling,pls be aware as this is not permitted and
could lead to trouble,we do this to keep threads clean and to limit trolling.......
peace.

ps,most voting happens at the weekend due to commitments in life,so
hopefully this will be closed out soon.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 November 2017 at 11:03pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


NoS:
Same thing that CJ said and same thing you did vs me, there's barely any disses here. In such a short battle (5 bars) they all need to at least have an attempt at a diss. Your first bar has nothing to do with Who-Is-You and it's just talking yourself up. Same thing the second bar. Your first attempt at actually insulting your opponent comes after the halfway point of your drop...do you understand why that's a problem in a rap battle?

Who:
you flowed pretty nice at the start but due to filler words it got ruined a bit before the midway point of your drop. But for simply actually dissing him and being clever with his name (I like the D minus, the son-D backwards lines) you take the win.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ridley Squat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 November 2017 at 4:33pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


D-NoS v Who-Is-You


D-NoS

This man is happy to battle me thats what I call insainity 
I been to hell but they spat me back out because they could'nt handle me
I liked this as an opener. It's the sort of flow I like to see. Indirect braggadocio for sure, but made me excited for a decent verse to come, so I give it a pass.


Im gonna make you regret ever stepping onto this battlfield 
my words are weapons.. and I'll kill you for the thrill
still indirect, but now with less rhyming complexity, relying on rhyming just 1 end syllable ... which for me doesn't even rhyme well anyway.


I dont know who you be.. but I know you be a noobie
ya raps so whack.. makes me puke to be a part of humanity
a promising setup, some loose nameplay, so finally being relevant to your opponent! Also bringing the mid-line rhyme back, which is encouraging, and the alliteration is a really nice touch.
That was all just a critique of the setup ... I didn't like anything about the punch at all. So for me was an overall fail. Yes the final syllable of noobie & humanity rhyme on their own, but you need more than that to make it sound good. This is because the stressed syllables are NOO-bie and hu-MAN-it-y ... and it's these you need to pay more attention to. (Then you'll find you can rhyme noobie and humanity, more smoothly and organically.)


Name begins with a D.. Im random and chilly
You know what you can call me, ..but Who-Do-You-Be?  
same problem here with the rhyme.
The angle/wording here has grown on me now, just enough so I no longer hate it. But even so it lands light as a feather at best. It suffers from the punch's similarity to the previous setup ... if that was a deliberate attempt at callback then nice try but didn't pan out for me.


Casper the friendly Ghost burnt like toast you look silly
wanna battle me.. but couldn't battle your own willy 
Now these are the bars right here!
Incorporating an inner rhyme with ghost/toast!
And stepping up to a 2 syllable multi game with silly/willy!
No wonder you saved it as the closer.
I feel this is delivered tongue-in-cheek, but I'm giving it bar of the round anyway!
Does that worry you?


Who-Is-You

He goes by Emcee Dicey. But his lyrics lame and sloppy
So today LA, they gon watch me, shake up and throw dice around like playing Yahtzee
I struggled to make sense of the structure at first though cos for me Yahtzee is so far from sloppy that I wondered if it was meant as a half-rhyme for Dicey instead.
But I got it now, and assume it's an accent thing? Lame n sloppy / playin yohtzee?
So it turns out it's a pretty decent bar. Good multi-ing throughout and even today/LA works as an inner rhyme. The only real issue is the mismatch of line length, though I can see it wouldn't take much to fix that.


the lame can't stop me. It's murder. The kid is trash, get his mental lashed
finished fast. be like when he writes his name, D NoS split, in a dash -
some good work here. The follow on rhyme is always a good addition, keeping the momentum from bar to bar. The concept is kinda cool but some of the wording could do with some more work. There are 3 multis for 'in a dash', 2 work well, but the most important one (the other line end) either only tries to rhyme 1 syllable, or fails to rhyme 3 ... unless its an accent thing again, "mintal" ... are you from New Zealand?


Emcee? Bitch please! You aint reachin my skill. for you, that's an unfound stage
Put this kid in the hospital and just hope he gets more visits than his Soundcloud page
I liked this. My first nitpicking note was the use of wording you would never actually say ... "that's an unfound stage" ... but it was such a nice landing multi in the punch that it was definitely warranted. Good shit.
And it's nice that you'll put him in hospital but still hope he gets visitors. Lol.


Trying to battle me, I'm top of my class. You don't compare to me, like this
such a failure, first thing we see when we look at your name is D minus
Overdoing name plays is to be avoided, but I know you didn't have much else to work with. And this was a great concept. Such a shame you didn't come up with a better rhyme for D minus, as it really does spoil an otherwise decent bar.


I'm tellin this idiot, ya can't fuck with me, bastard
I'm like a father of battling so I son-D <-- if he come at me backwards
another nice concept to close. Yes it kinda works but we still have the mismatch in the number of syllables. Could be worded better, but on the whole nice work.
(Strange approach for someone to come at you backwards though? ... he couldn't see you or hit you ... easy! ... which kinda detracts from the boast)


Anyways,
Thanks for battling, was fun to read & vote ... hope I wasn't too dickish.
Both have potential, but for me there is a clear winner regarding concepts and overall mechanics.

MFVGT Who-Is-You?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 November 2017 at 11:07am
WIY wins 4-0 ko..
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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