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Goryo. 
Groupie 
Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
 Topic: [Text] Goryo vs AxyRocker (2-1)Posted: 23 August 2016 at 9:26pm |
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5 bars 48 hours House rules No flips
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Goryo.
Groupie
Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
Posted: 26 August 2016 at 10:38pm |
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Sorry about the wait folks! Man you're a fuckin JOKE... Your life's just missing a punchline, fuck you're worthless dude Ironically they're prominently missing from your verses too! Happy birthday! 17 years here but his brain stays truly idle Also, it's been 17 years since his mom went suicidal! Text 'career' is ending here, protect ya neck I'm wrecking queers I'll run you off the road and I ain't even outta second gear I can make this easy, quick or painful so don't try to push me I'm the latest in a gang bang set to smash a fucked up pussy I'm unique with rhymes, I always switch my style and keep it new The only thing I do that all the rest have done is beating you! Expo is it's his birthday lol. Also the 'career' also means careering off the road. |
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AxyRocker
Standard Member 
Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL |
Posted: 27 August 2016 at 9:10am |
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Thanks for the birthday greeting man! Lmao
Now lets get this straight fag He nd Rid? Nah! He acted all shady, ranting and then started to blame us like just another publicity stunt from an Artist who couldn't get famous I won't blame exo though, he wasn't the only one who bid on him Well lets just say the entire LA just wanted to get 'Rid of him' Bitch couldn't 'keep his post' though he went bonker So, see me scoring 'Go a L' like am playing soccer (Goal) I read your EP about you being harrassed you wrote it 'vol. 1' something tells me you already knew there's 'more to come' (no homo) He is 'committed to sin', in the house of the lord he's facing a roast wouldn't surprise me if after this battle 'Goryo' turned out another ghost Expo - Him and Rid were suspected of being double accounts Soccer references EP - Erotic Psychotic - his OM Syndicate/syn/sin Goryo - a japanese ghost (Google it if you don't understand) |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator 
Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 29 August 2016 at 11:10pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Goryo your opening bar had some sprite about it,although it was vague and not aimed to well really,it came off as a little generic for me, although it was decent overall,it lacked any real direction and could be used against anyone in battle,your second bar was a good personal and punch,it came off as cruel and dark,I liked it,plus it found it's mark, there after though we return back to generic bars again,although the plays and flow coupled with some decent creativity,they just lost some power due to mot being direct enough.. Axy you came out swinging from the off,you too had some nice creative moments also here,you verse was well aimed overall,and you had some good punches in there too,although your flow in parts was off your concepts being predictable,(with th Ridley scenario),you did come with a different angle I believe than I previously read against him,I really liked the bar about the Japanses apparition,that was a good flip on he's alias, plus your second bar was decent too,you had a decent multi here also,I liked your verse on the whole.. Overall,Axy had the better directed verse here,and I feel he was also more focused,he also had more off the categorys down in this battle, Goryo your verse was decent too,but you for me lacked any true direction except for your third bar,still nice battle overall because the plays and creativity was good throughout from both.. Vote...Axy..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Lord Puente
Newbie
Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
Posted: 31 August 2016 at 4:14am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. GORYO Man
you're a fuckin JOKE... Your
life's just missing a punchline, fuck you're worthless dude Ironically
they're prominently missing from your verses too! Happy
birthday! 17 years here but his brain stays truly idle Also,
it's been 17 years since his mom went suicidal! Text
'career' is ending here, protect ya neck I'm wrecking queers I'll
run you off the road and I ain't even outta second gear I
can make this easy, quick or painful so don't try to push me I'm
the latest in a gang bang set to smash a fucked up pussy I'm
unique with rhymes, I always switch my style and keep it new The only
thing I do that all the rest have done is beating you! Ok, so… For the first bar: I liked the concept of this, but I
also felt like the punch line position was misplaced here and seemed so far
from the second bar… also, too much filler Second bar: full blown miss for me, no tie in..
maybe needed an expo, but the suicidal part means nothing to me. Third bar: no punch here, no tie in to set up Fourth bar:
this was your best bar hands down. I enjoyed this one. Nice job. Fifth Bar: ehhh, not that great, but not terrible. Jab
at most. Not a fan of this one really. AXYROCKER Thanks for the birthday greeting
man! Lmao Now
lets get this straight fag He
nd Rid? Nah! He acted all shady, ranting and then started to blame us like
just another publicity stunt from an Artist who couldn't get famous I
won't blame exo though, he wasn't the only one who bid on him Well
lets just say the entire LA just wanted to get 'Rid of him' Bitch
couldn't 'keep his post' though he went bonker So,
see me scoring 'Go a L' like am playing soccer (Goal) I
read your EP about you being harrassed you wrote it 'vol. 1' something
tells me you already knew there's 'more to come' (no homo) He
is 'committed to sin', in the house of the lord he's facing a roast wouldn't
surprise me if after this battle 'Goryo' turned out another ghost First Bar: I enjoyed the flow on this, but the
him/rid thing is played out already. I’ll count that as a jab for that reason. Nice
concept…just a few battles late. Second Bar:
damn, I like this bar, but again… its just played out, and for that
reason its only a jab for me. Third Bar: complete miss for me, id dint care for
this bar at all tbh. Fourth Bar: this bar was another miss. I mean, I see
what concept you were going for, and then also the gay references, but no one
really cares much for those unless they are haymakers Fifth bar: I don’t see the tie in to the set up
here, and the punch just wasn’t a punch. Complete miss for me on this one as
well. Overall Goryo, not your best work in this verse. You had a
decent concept and a nice bar, rest didn’t work for me. Also, too much filler.
Axy, kind of the same, not your best work. Yours was a bit wordy, not what I call
filler perse, but other would probably call it that. Both of you should shorten
your bars a few syllables to tighten it up. Quick thing ive noticed for myself,
if you write the word “just” (which both of you did) then you have things you should’ve
removed for that bar on that line or possibly both lines. This one was a hard
choice to make tbh, both lacked imo. MFVGT GORYO,
more strikes with his verse overall. |
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Droidian
Newbie
BIG GAME KILLER! Joined: 07 May 2016 Location: Toronto Status: Offline Points: 776 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Posted: 07 September 2016 at 3:51pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. so this one was tough to call as a lot has happened since this started. Some of Axy's material has therefore become dated, so I'll try to keep in mind that it was fresh at the time of this writing. Goryo: First reading shows clean economical lines that have nice end rhyme multis that land clean. I see that you're trying harder to tailor your bars to your opponent. Bar 1: Solid introduction. Setup line had clear purpose. be careful about modifiers like 'just' cuz most of the time they add little. Your punchline landed well, but could have been framed better. I don't see the irony here at all as it is appropriate that a 'worthless' person would craft shitty verses. The use of 'predominantly' actually lessens the punch despite being an internal repetition of rhyme. bar 2: decent personal that ties to your punch. Thought the setup could have been refined because "stays' is a bit redundant when his being idle is the context. Nice punch, but reads a bit awkward when it could have been rendered "it's also been..." instead o "also,..." which demands interruption as it pauses. Bar 3: Setup sounded good. Nice flow to the entire bar. "careering" was new to me as we use "careening" where I'm at. Thought that the wordplay had a bit of trouble though in how the second meaning sat in the framework of the sentence, but no biggie. why the protect ya neck? is it a wu thing I'm missing? pm me if so. Punch was just okay. I think you coulda played with this more to hit harder. Bar 4: A bit generic, but is a nice (and gross) bar. The relationship between the setup and punch was the strongest really, and watch out about sex references toward your opponent when your previous bar talked about "wrecking queers" certain implications reside there. Final Shot: well turned, but mostly generic. The only connection to Axy is that he has quite a few losses and has been referred to in the past as a sort rite of passage for new members. So the actual punch isn't fresh. Kinda a weak parting shot don't you think? Especially for the most important bar. this could have easily been nearer the beginning. overall good job tho. Axy: First glance reveals that you've been working on tightening your schemes. Good on ya! Bar 1: Nice personal that gets right to heart of the multi acct controversy. Thought this setup was rendered well and covered a lot of ground as I had read through that whole back and forth thread. Now the punch was conceptually interesting, but didn't hit as hard as it could have considering the material. Bar 2: I like that you continued your theme, but there are some issues with who your subject is. You start with Exo's accusation, but the rest of the setup line doesn't really id your true subject (though we can assume it) just something fyi. Punchline has nice run of scheming. I thought the finish could have been reworked to hit stronger. By saying "Rid of him" it does say that he should get the boot. But having Rid there only works in association rather than conveying a jab at the Ridley aspect. Pm if you need that clarified, lol. Bar 3: this is a miss (no pun) while clever as a play, it is generic and is a lot of effort for a "bar" that doesn't punch. Why does Goryo need to "need to keep his post" and what does that have to do with going "bonker?" This seemed forced in order to finish with your soccer bit, which doesn't work all that well. I get what you are trying to convey, but it's awkward. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a fan of using Ls and shortened nake flips to produce a punch. Clever, but it read awkwardly and didn't work grammatically either. Bar 4: So I think that any punch that doesn't work on any level without completely relying on an Expo is a miss, period. At face value it doesn't say anything, but hints at a meaning that we have to go searching for. I think you could have worked this OM ref directly into the bar to the effect you desired. Final Shot: Here's an example that counters what I said about Bar 4. Stand alone it works, but does require the expo to reach full effect. Cool concept tho. The setup line worked nicely, but I think the whole sin/Syn play is getting pretty tired though it is so tempting ;)....I think the punch would have been fin with a hard version of your surface meaning, rather than you trying hard to make the underlying meaning fit as well. "wouldn't be a surprise if Goryo went Ghost" seems more direct of a punch than "Goryo turned out another Ghost" from my perspective. I think that if it had been an earlier bar you could afford the underlying ref, but for a final hit...not so sure. So. I felt that Axy had the more direct shots, but only really landed 2 shots, maybe 2.5...Goryo was less direct overall, but still had some personals and hit with each bar. He also had the tighter scheming and clearer phrasing. So props to Axy's improvements, but my nod goes to Goryo
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Cuba
Senior Moderator
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 17 September 2016 at 11:14am |
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2-1 Goryo
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Cuba
Senior Moderator
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 07 October 2016 at 7:44pm |
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4 weeks has long since passed, this one is closed on the timeout rule. Goryo wins.
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