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joffy428 
Groupie 
Joined: 11 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 136 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-15-0 Form: LLLLWL |
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 Topic: [Text] joffy428 Vs XLNC (0-3)Posted: 23 March 2017 at 5:47am |
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Guess I'll go first
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XLNC
Standard Member 
Joined: 06 April 2014 Location: Drinkin with ya mom Status: Offline Points: 922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-3 Form: WWLWNW |
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Posted: 23 March 2017 at 10:31am |
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Check.
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XLNC
Standard Member
Joined: 06 April 2014 Location: Drinkin with ya mom Status: Offline Points: 922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-3 Form: WWLWNW |
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Posted: 23 March 2017 at 12:24pm |
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A year full of L's, You trying to rhyme is pukey, son, And this year won't change ya status, since gregorian replaced julian. No one's interested in you, your life's a sorry joke rookie, You trynna explain it? Left a shittier rating than a Sandler movie. Claim you superior with rhymes? You just testing my temper, Face it groupie, I'm stars above you, I'm a standard member. You're skills with scripts is shit as it gets, I know you're a joke to newbies, Cos the only time those kids wouldn't wanna touch you is if ya had cooties. Expos, 428 was a year's name in the Julian calender replaced by gregorian calender. He has an OM it's my life which has a 1 star rating. |
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XLNC
Standard Member
Joined: 06 April 2014 Location: Drinkin with ya mom Status: Offline Points: 922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-3 Form: WWLWNW |
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Posted: 23 March 2017 at 3:08pm |
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This year also* in the punchline of first bar.
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joffy428
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Joined: 11 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 136 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-15-0 Form: LLLLWL |
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Posted: 23 March 2017 at 8:55pm |
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XLNC ur a bad panzy looking like u got ur panty all up in a flower crunchy bunch and bad guy ur talk is cheap a bum could afford it .boxingday displayed ur face half priced cuz ur retarded face is priceless it was it's own headless
its a bad lie to say ur a bad guy cuz u might die bury another poser with this white lie the way u talked will take u to hell take home the highway with your loser cruiser home coming bitch of lucifer So cut ur tongue off and you might as well fry like a well done french fry u talk so bad u don't even get high once cuz u scared to die cuz u worship the Satan satanic fucking bastard ur name tells it all ur the ugliest motherfucker says the mirror mirror on the wall think its funny now wait till u end up in a place with all walls Neverending maze trap I'm making ur dream up until u die and witness it's a real trap snatched the soul and watch u break in half. |
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Amgin
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Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
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Posted: 23 March 2017 at 9:52pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. XLNC Not sure I completely understand your opener, it did read nicely although you tied it together with 'son' The jab at his track record was decent yet cliche, but still a good punch none the less since its a "battle battle" Points for doing your homework on your opponent and referencing his OM submission Some nice self pumping to throw some shade at him to finish it off. Standalone bars worked well on their own, but would of like if you tied it all together as a whole. joffy428 I'm not really sure what's going on here, the structure was very off putting and creates an unpleasant atmosphere for the reader from the start. For future battles/posts maybe try and attempt to break your lines/bars up (example being XLNC post^^^) even doing this alone could possibly help your rhyme schemes and everything flow better. I've found there's a lot of helpful content in "Elevation Centre" http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/elevation-centre_forum6.html Try skimming through some of the 'pinned' articles and posts etc. There's lots of talent on this site and much to be appreciated if you take the time. MVGT XLNC, points for structure, content, punchlines and doing his homework on his opponent |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator 
Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 25 March 2017 at 12:43pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. OK guys.. XLNC.. Yep you had some punches that hit,and the personals although present were also close to being loose,you did however show you did the homework on him though, i liked the "stars above you line" here that was a good punch/personal really,and as battle verses go,this was decent,nothing to hard hitting,but it was steady and directed,short and sweet good job.. Joffy.. hmm,ok so Joffy your verse was way to stretched,unless you have an insane rhyming scheme try staying to 2 lines to count as 1 bar,your contents seem to fade in this wall of words,and makes for a heavy read,the points your trying to convey are lost really because of it,this comes off as if you have a lot to say,but all the while your saying nothing much,I'm sorry if this seems brutal,as it isn't my intention,but your drop was very light in the way of punches/personals,when you battle next,search your opponents post,look for angles from them to use,plus read past battles,this can only aid you.. Vote..XLNC.peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member 
Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Posted: 28 March 2017 at 9:46pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. joff XLNC ur a bad panzy looking like u got ur panty all up in a flower crunchy bunch and bad guy ur talk is cheap a bum could afford it .boxingday displayed ur face half priced cuz ur retarded face is priceless it was it's own headless its a bad lie to say ur a bad guy cuz u might die bury another poser with this white lie the way u talked will take u to hell take home the highway with your loser cruiser home coming bitch of lucifer So cut ur tongue off and you might as well fry like a well done french fry u talk so bad u don't even get high once cuz u scared to die cuz u worship the Satan satanic fucking bastard ur name tells it all ur the ugliest motherfucker says the mirror mirror on the wall think its funny now wait till u end up in a place with all walls Neverending maze trap I'm making ur dream up until u die and witness it's a real trap snatched the soul and watch u break in half. ////////////////////// Joff You are a fucking loose cannon every time you hit this spot brother .... Barely making sense here! It's a crazed rant at best... Gotta Respect the fact you go hard every time, I can't deny l can feel the gravel and venom in your approach.. You come through planning to win always! But you never do! It's like you are researching the deepest depths of the"L"..... You should have learned the craft by now! These were just words..... There was no direction! Could have been at anyone!........ But you love it obviously and I gotta love your enthusiasm, keep up man /////////////////////////////////// xlnc This is 4 bars, with 48 hours as he accepted in the call out. House rules of course A year full of L's, You trying to rhyme is pukey, son, And this year won't change ya status, since gregorian replaced julian. No one's interested in you, your life's a sorry joke rookie, You trynna explain it? Left a shittier rating than a Sandler movie. Claim you superior with rhymes? You just testing my temper, Face it groupie, I'm stars above you, I'm a standard member. You're skills with scripts is shit as it gets, I know you're a joke to newbies, Cos the only time those kids wouldn't wanna touch you is if ya had cooties. Expos, 428 was a year's name in the Julian calender replaced by gregorian calender. He has an OM it's my life which has a 1 star rating. ////////////////////////////// Xl... Welcome back homie.....XLNC back in the house! So always gonna be straight up procedure this battle, you came with the standard format and that was enough to easily take this win... Gonna offer up some feedback though... Very basic here Bro, and I ain't tryna be big headed one bit! Just helpful... So starting at the end, that closer.. Please ditch the wording "the only" !!!, I hate that textbook type of wording... It can have it's moment but only when truly warranted, say Worked in a really dope way and even then it should be reworked..... Punch was very generic, set up did feel directed though... Third, bar... Very played textbook angle, did make me chuckle though! I think having Joff as an opponent with his style does give this basic nonchalant approach extra weight... But in truth it has no original credit... Second bar.. Funny..... Opener... Horrible wording "pukey" punch was looking like a mad stretch with the whole Julien/Gregorian calendar thing... So you need to freshen up that whole method fam!.. Work some better angles, Then you will be killer.... You already have the skills to go forward! Vote XLNC WAY SUPERIOR VERSE IN ALL AREAS |
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Nigma
Site Moderator
Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision   |
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Posted: 04 April 2017 at 6:33am |
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XLNC wins via 3-0 KO
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