Battlefield: [Text] S Dubb vs Slip (1-0)

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    Posted: 02 January 2017 at 11:32pm
THIS IS A HORRORCORE BATTLE

this is a 10 line gruesome battle
due 1 week from today


check in and let's get this battle poppin' homie...... good luck......
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 January 2017 at 11:37pm
check ins are not needed bro  
i got this tho
see no evil speak no evil,
silent echo Alter Ego,
inner demon violent beast so,
warn the mother fucking people
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 January 2017 at 2:11am
A branding iron to the abdomen ,fearful from the smell of flesh
as excruciating pain sears through, i bring'em to the brink of death
hallucinations caused from physical exhaustion's beginning to cause a problem
i often make my victims nauseous until they vomit, i give'em no other option
like a human centipede there connected, i have'em crawling around in circles
until they see there dead relatives getting raped by aliens jumping hurdles
theres more awful obstacles to overcome hidden within this castle
a branding iron to his face while its sewed to his sisters ass hole
feeling sinister as his skin sizzles lets see if he can handle
another bowel movement filling his mouth ,full like an apple 


Edited by The Law - 05 January 2017 at 2:54am
see no evil speak no evil,
silent echo Alter Ego,
inner demon violent beast so,
warn the mother fucking people
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote S Dubb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 January 2017 at 4:39am
**Gathering tools**
Strip you naked, hook you to my table, making sure the Straps are Fastened!
Now I Have to Mask Him, no vision, only hearing tools and me Laughing At Him!
Begin the Torch, bringing it close enough that his Skin will Scorch!
Drill your chest til it Begins to Sore, pull out, then back In some More!
Sit him up right!  Driving nails through his hands sticking to the Arm Rest,
Slice open his upper body until his heart starts to fall out of his Darn Chest!
Dim the Lights, darkness!  Filet his flesh until his Skin fits Right!
Slice his Vision and Sight!  Returning his eyes to him When it's Time!
Spewing his brains everywhere, as bloods Splattering At Him!
End him simply by injecting this reject with a syringe of Battery Acid.....


Good luck homie.... let's get some votes....


Edited by Rutter knows best - 09 January 2017 at 8:03pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2017 at 1:48am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Slip

A branding iron to the abdomen ,fearful from the smell of flesh
as excruciating pain sears through, i bring'em to the brink of death

I really liked this as an opening bar. It was actually somewhat poetic evoking the 'right' imagery here. yet you managed to set the tone fairly well as I think. I'd have liked to see a stronger connection within the first line though, as I feel like you could easily swap both parts while still maintaining the same effect. but that's just preference. The vivid visuals were the highlights here, the scheme you employed was very basic yet smooth. Nice opener. 

hallucinations caused from physical exhaustion's beginning to cause a problem
i often make my victims nauseous until they vomit, i give'em no other option

What I criticised in the previous bar is actually a 'stand out' element in this one. You employed internals and nice slants, although subtle, they made for a more natural 'readability', so well done with regard to that aspect. Now, I think, for a horror core battle, this bar was somewhat on the 'light' side, content-wise. The subtle vagueness in your first line, especially depicted through the 'physical exhaustion' bit, leaves obviously room for imagination. But I think it would've a stronger impact if you'd just go into more detail - what kind of (specific) cause is there which results in the rather general description you employed? I like that you incorporate a reference to the 'main actors' of your depiction, though.  

like a human centipede there connected, i have'em crawling around in circles
until they see there dead relatives getting raped by aliens jumping hurdles

ok so I liked the first line and I appreciate the connection to the previous bar. It's very vividly depicted and nicely worded. It also reminds me of a movie I've once heard about, its title was similar to the 'human centipede' reference, so it definitely aided in creating a very graphic and gruesome imagery.. guess that's what you were going for. The next line, compared to the previous ones, actually carries the violent and ruthless tone forward. My only real critique would be the alien reference. But this is purely preference. It's just that, compared to the previous stand out lines, it lacks the certain 'reality' element for me. As I said though, that's an entirely subjective point. Scheme-wise, you've fallen back into the patterns of your opening bar. Still a fairly smooth read though. 

theres more awful obstacles to overcome hidden within this castle
a branding iron to his face while its sewed to his sisters ass hole

I think you're incorporating great references from fairly known, commonly narrated 'circumstances' - the castle one being one example here. It kind of enhances the overall tone of the verse. Well..this bar was pretty graphic. And I can see the multi working, although somewhat subtle. 

feeling sinister as his skin sizzles lets see if he can handle
another bowel movement filling his mouth ,full like an apple 

Compared to the rest of the verse, I think this was a quite 'light' ending. I liked the first line cos it really set the tone even further, but the final line just didn't convey the raw emotions I'd expected with regard to the overall composition. I think the 'full like an apple' bit was nice, especially considering a feast-like approach in horror core in general. However, it felt different as it wasn't a consistent theme of your verse up until this point. I think if you'd have alluded to a 'feast' like theme somewhere in your previous lines, this would've been a stronger closer. 


S Dubb

**Gathering tools**
Strip you naked, hook you to my table, making sure the Straps are Fastened!
Now I Have to Mask Him, no vision, only hearing tools and me Laughing At Him!

I thought this was nice. I like the 'direct address' here. I also enjoyed the subtle patterns of insanity you incorporated, nicely done. Scheme's also smooth considering the subtle slant you employed. 

Begin the Torch, bringing it close enough that his Skin will Scorch!
Drill your chest til it Begins to Sore, pull out, then back In some More!

I think you meant to say 'bring the torch'. Regardless, the first line was rather on the 'light' side considering the torch being used as a 'tool' with regard to the result you depicted in your second line. but I really liked your continuation into the second line - nicely worded and you incorporated some relevant details. The scheme was also more advanced than in your opening bar, which is good to see. 

Sit him up right!  Driving nails through his hands sticking to the Arm Rest,
Slice open his upper body until his heart starts to fall out of his Darn Chest!

Well, this is quite graphic and just..serves its purpose I suppose. 

Dim the Lights, darkness!  Filet his flesh until his Skin fits Right!
Slice his Vision and Sight!  Returning his eyes to him When it's Time!

ok so I really liked the first line here, you also incorporated a subtle element of a 'feast' theme here, which is interesting. And you did it in a more direct way compared to Slip. I'd have liked to see some more details here, in relevance to the 'slice his vision and sight' bit. But this is obviously quite visually depicted. 

Spewing his brains everywhere, as bloods Splattering At Him!
End him simply by injecting this reject with a syringe of Battery Acid.....

I feel like the first line is, while being obviously graphic, somewhat too general. The second line makes up for the lack of details though. Nice closer. 


Overall, this was a very close battle. Both had highlights in terms of the imagery depicted. While Slip incorporated a variety of different references, I think his verse was less direct and somewhat less consistent in 'executing' a consistent concept. S Dubb, on the other hand, was more focused on creating specific 'imagery' evolving around one of the, as I find, main elements of horror core - a 'depiction of torture' with a more direct approach than his opponent. 

Vote - S Dubb



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