Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [Text] S Dubb vs Slip (3-0)

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [Text] S Dubb vs Slip (3-0)
    Posted: 02 January 2017 at 11:32pm
THIS IS A HORRORCORE BATTLE

this is a 10 line gruesome battle
due 1 week from today


check in and let's get this battle poppin' homie...... good luck......
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 January 2017 at 11:37pm
check ins are not needed bro  
i got this tho
see no evil speak no evil,
silent echo Alter Ego,
inner demon violent beast so,
warn the mother fucking people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 January 2017 at 2:11am
A branding iron to the abdomen ,fearful from the smell of flesh
as excruciating pain sears through, i bring'em to the brink of death
hallucinations caused from physical exhaustion's beginning to cause a problem
i often make my victims nauseous until they vomit, i give'em no other option
like a human centipede there connected, i have'em crawling around in circles
until they see there dead relatives getting raped by aliens jumping hurdles
theres more awful obstacles to overcome hidden within this castle
a branding iron to his face while its sewed to his sisters ass hole
feeling sinister as his skin sizzles lets see if he can handle
another bowel movement filling his mouth ,full like an apple 


Edited by The Law - 05 January 2017 at 2:54am
see no evil speak no evil,
silent echo Alter Ego,
inner demon violent beast so,
warn the mother fucking people
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 January 2017 at 4:39am
**Gathering tools**
Strip you naked, hook you to my table, making sure the Straps are Fastened!
Now I Have to Mask Him, no vision, only hearing tools and me Laughing At Him!
Begin the Torch, bringing it close enough that his Skin will Scorch!
Drill your chest til it Begins to Sore, pull out, then back In some More!
Sit him up right!  Driving nails through his hands sticking to the Arm Rest,
Slice open his upper body until his heart starts to fall out of his Darn Chest!
Dim the Lights, darkness!  Filet his flesh until his Skin fits Right!
Slice his Vision and Sight!  Returning his eyes to him When it's Time!
Spewing his brains everywhere, as bloods Splattering At Him!
End him simply by injecting this reject with a syringe of Battery Acid.....


Good luck homie.... let's get some votes....


Edited by Rutter knows best - 09 January 2017 at 8:03pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2017 at 1:48am

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Slip

A branding iron to the abdomen ,fearful from the smell of flesh
as excruciating pain sears through, i bring'em to the brink of death

I really liked this as an opening bar. It was actually somewhat poetic evoking the 'right' imagery here. yet you managed to set the tone fairly well as I think. I'd have liked to see a stronger connection within the first line though, as I feel like you could easily swap both parts while still maintaining the same effect. but that's just preference. The vivid visuals were the highlights here, the scheme you employed was very basic yet smooth. Nice opener. 

hallucinations caused from physical exhaustion's beginning to cause a problem
i often make my victims nauseous until they vomit, i give'em no other option

What I criticised in the previous bar is actually a 'stand out' element in this one. You employed internals and nice slants, although subtle, they made for a more natural 'readability', so well done with regard to that aspect. Now, I think, for a horror core battle, this bar was somewhat on the 'light' side, content-wise. The subtle vagueness in your first line, especially depicted through the 'physical exhaustion' bit, leaves obviously room for imagination. But I think it would've a stronger impact if you'd just go into more detail - what kind of (specific) cause is there which results in the rather general description you employed? I like that you incorporate a reference to the 'main actors' of your depiction, though.  

like a human centipede there connected, i have'em crawling around in circles
until they see there dead relatives getting raped by aliens jumping hurdles

ok so I liked the first line and I appreciate the connection to the previous bar. It's very vividly depicted and nicely worded. It also reminds me of a movie I've once heard about, its title was similar to the 'human centipede' reference, so it definitely aided in creating a very graphic and gruesome imagery.. guess that's what you were going for. The next line, compared to the previous ones, actually carries the violent and ruthless tone forward. My only real critique would be the alien reference. But this is purely preference. It's just that, compared to the previous stand out lines, it lacks the certain 'reality' element for me. As I said though, that's an entirely subjective point. Scheme-wise, you've fallen back into the patterns of your opening bar. Still a fairly smooth read though. 

theres more awful obstacles to overcome hidden within this castle
a branding iron to his face while its sewed to his sisters ass hole

I think you're incorporating great references from fairly known, commonly narrated 'circumstances' - the castle one being one example here. It kind of enhances the overall tone of the verse. Well..this bar was pretty graphic. And I can see the multi working, although somewhat subtle. 

feeling sinister as his skin sizzles lets see if he can handle
another bowel movement filling his mouth ,full like an apple 

Compared to the rest of the verse, I think this was a quite 'light' ending. I liked the first line cos it really set the tone even further, but the final line just didn't convey the raw emotions I'd expected with regard to the overall composition. I think the 'full like an apple' bit was nice, especially considering a feast-like approach in horror core in general. However, it felt different as it wasn't a consistent theme of your verse up until this point. I think if you'd have alluded to a 'feast' like theme somewhere in your previous lines, this would've been a stronger closer. 


S Dubb

**Gathering tools**
Strip you naked, hook you to my table, making sure the Straps are Fastened!
Now I Have to Mask Him, no vision, only hearing tools and me Laughing At Him!

I thought this was nice. I like the 'direct address' here. I also enjoyed the subtle patterns of insanity you incorporated, nicely done. Scheme's also smooth considering the subtle slant you employed. 

Begin the Torch, bringing it close enough that his Skin will Scorch!
Drill your chest til it Begins to Sore, pull out, then back In some More!

I think you meant to say 'bring the torch'. Regardless, the first line was rather on the 'light' side considering the torch being used as a 'tool' with regard to the result you depicted in your second line. but I really liked your continuation into the second line - nicely worded and you incorporated some relevant details. The scheme was also more advanced than in your opening bar, which is good to see. 

Sit him up right!  Driving nails through his hands sticking to the Arm Rest,
Slice open his upper body until his heart starts to fall out of his Darn Chest!

Well, this is quite graphic and just..serves its purpose I suppose. 

Dim the Lights, darkness!  Filet his flesh until his Skin fits Right!
Slice his Vision and Sight!  Returning his eyes to him When it's Time!

ok so I really liked the first line here, you also incorporated a subtle element of a 'feast' theme here, which is interesting. And you did it in a more direct way compared to Slip. I'd have liked to see some more details here, in relevance to the 'slice his vision and sight' bit. But this is obviously quite visually depicted. 

Spewing his brains everywhere, as bloods Splattering At Him!
End him simply by injecting this reject with a syringe of Battery Acid.....

I feel like the first line is, while being obviously graphic, somewhat too general. The second line makes up for the lack of details though. Nice closer. 


Overall, this was a very close battle. Both had highlights in terms of the imagery depicted. While Slip incorporated a variety of different references, I think his verse was less direct and somewhat less consistent in 'executing' a consistent concept. S Dubb, on the other hand, was more focused on creating specific 'imagery' evolving around one of the, as I find, main elements of horror core - a 'depiction of torture' with a more direct approach than his opponent. 

Vote - S Dubb



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 January 2017 at 10:55am

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This was a cool battle there was good and bad from both.

Slip
Opener was cool; setting up the scene and getting vivid. Just be careful bc it's a short battle so you can't waste many lines. Second line was ok kind of just an extension of the first; need a little more hard hitting imagery. Third line the opening line was dope but then the second line ruined it; I would have left that second line out completely. It's confusing and it threw everything off imo. 4th line was subpar and you already used a branding iron line, you could have pretty much said anything else as a weapon; closer was disgusting I like it lol. Overall you had a lot of good points with a few miscues

Dubb
Cool way to set the scene nice imagery good flow. Second bar was cool, not too gruesome but it got the job done and it flowed smoothly, I liked it. Third bar was cool, I didn't like how you ended with darn chest but that's just my personal preference. It was an ok line nothing too special. Fourth bar I like that opening line that fish line was dope. Your second half you had wording issues you should have worded it differently instead of saying Alice your vision and sight. Kinda threw the bar off for me. Closer was cool I've heard a bunch of syringe lines but this was passable.

Dubb gets this for a more polished verse overall
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 February 2017 at 9:48pm

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Slip

"A branding iron to the abdomen ,fearful from the smell of flesh
as excruciating pain sears through, i bring'em to the brink of death"

I dig the immediate intensity. I would like to see a little more done as far as flow, inners and multis. But this is a horrorcore battle and this bar brought the imagery.

"hallucinations caused from physical exhaustion's beginning to cause a problem
i often make my victims nauseous until they vomit, i give'em no other option"

Flow was really nice. It wasn't overly vicious but was slick I dig it

"like a human centipede there connected, i have'em crawling around in circles
until they see there dead relatives getting raped by aliens jumping hurdles"

You go back to some sick twisted shit again. Coming hard on the horrorcore aspect but lacking the lyrical slickness from the second bar

"theres more awful obstacles to overcome hidden within this castle
a branding iron to his face while its sewed to his sisters ass hole"

My favorite bar of the battle. Referring to the location as a castle was ill. Nice flow and maybe I'm sick in the head but this made me laugh my ass off.

"feeling sinister as his skin sizzles lets see if he can handle
another bowel movement filling his mouth ,full like an apple "

First line came together well. The second line threw me off, you kept the human centipede aspect going but I wanted to see a brutal finish. This bar appears like there is more to follow.

S Dubb

**Gathering tools**
"Strip you naked, hook you to my table, making sure the Straps are Fastened!
Now I Have to Mask Him, no vision, only hearing tools and me Laughing At Him!"

Flowed well. I dig the portrayal of your maniacal self laughing at the pain to come.

"Begin the Torch, bringing it close enough that his Skin will Scorch!
Drill your chest til it Begins to Sore, pull out, then back In some More!"

Nice inners. Building up the intensity of the physical pain while still showing how crazy your ass is by taking away pain just to give more

"Sit him up right! Driving nails through his hands sticking to the Arm Rest,
Slice open his upper body until his heart starts to fall out of his Darn Chest!"

This fell flat lyrically. Could use some complexity. Inners, multis, synonyms.
Pure brutality in this bar though

"Dim the Lights, darkness! Filet his flesh until his Skin fits Right!
Slice his Vision and Sight! Returning his eyes to him When it's Time!"

You got your flow and scheme back in this bar. The more I read this bar I'm sensing decent wordplay with both of these lines of you look further into the beginning of each. Nice

"Spewing his brains everywhere, as bloods Splattering At Him!
End him simply by injecting this reject with a syringe of Battery Acid....."

Would've liked to have known how and what you used to smash his brains. But you've built this story up and finished it brutally.

Close battle. Slip came with the human centipede aspect the entire way. S dubb seemed to show more of a look into the sickness of the killer. S Dubb more of a build up and a brutal finish.
Vote S Dubb
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 hours 27 minutes ago at 6:35pm
KO S dubb. 
#BANANAS


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