Open Mic: The Ants

Message Rating: Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Topic Ratings Printable Version Translate Topic

   it's the ants on the march with their mandibles sharpenedand antenna ready for the hive mind sight
colonized forestry, mechanized soil well oiled
terraform automaton trials
royally appointed flesh star fiends
with direct instructions to collect our leaves
from the burnt out embers of suburbia's courts
more up from the guts of the mules and the moors
city in a glass cage, past-age days
sense all the best insect incense trails
serenade the queen with the sweet sound of servitude
..what's good for the brood's good for you
fed moss, what & who'd she abuse if you left?
food profusely infused with the fumes of the dead
insectoids flex them exoskeletons
protect your brethren with chemical pheromones
if a threat's overhead send a siren and scarper
war torn nests full of fruit, eggs, and larva
carved out a path for a farmyard advance
and we got one mind, one goal, one rule.. it's the ants

Author	Message Rating: Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Topic Ratings Printable Version Translate Topic
Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: The Ants Posted: 01 February 2016 at 12:28am
	it's the ants on the march with their mandibles sharpened and antenna ready for the hive mind sight colonized forestry, mechanized soil well oiled terraform automaton trials royally appointed flesh star fiends with direct instructions to collect our leaves from the burnt out embers of suburbia's courts more up from the guts of the mules and the moors city in a glass cage, past-age days sense all the best insect incense trails serenade the queen with the sweet sound of servitude ..what's good for the brood's good for you fed moss, what & who'd she abuse if you left? food profusely infused with the fumes of the dead insectoids flex them exoskeletons protect your brethren with chemical pheromones if a threat's overhead send a siren and scarper war torn nests full of fruit, eggs, and larva carved out a path for a farmyard advance and we got one mind, one goal, one rule.. it's the ants

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 February 2016 at 8:43am
	nice. Great concept that may have expounded on societal's hive-minded behavior. The insect related diction really gave it a great cohesive ideal and prevent this rap from compromising its central nucleus - a social commentary using a BBC Nature- like vehicle to observe the parallel of higher and lower social instinct and order. dope.


Concrete Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Concrete Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 February 2016 at 9:30am
	This was pretty cool, really tight use of vocab here. Props for creativity. I don't think an OM about ants could be done much better, am I wrong to assume that your avy says something about inspiration? Good stuff, keep bringin' em.

Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 February 2016 at 12:27am
	thanks guys, I'm tempted to go back to this and expand on it actually.. I think more could be drawn out of it. and yeah Con I imagine that Aes has influenced my style over the years, even just from the perspective of experimenting with phrasing, etc.

SELF ACTIVATE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL	Post Options Post Reply Quote SELF ACTIVATE Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 February 2016 at 8:25pm
	The flow was kind of strange. Definitely unorthodox to say the least. Relying heavily on assonance and slant rhymes to carry it. Which, actually, wasn't really a bad thing at all. I wouldn't recommend this approach for most, but you managed to pull It off relatively superbly. And with all the scientific and advance vocabulary you had in there it kind of reminded me of some early 2000's underground hip hop. Although, what artist or act specifically I can't quite remember. OAN: the concept was quite fascinating as are ants themselves. Given the subjects of this piece it's clear you had a lot of material to work with. I could imagin you expounding on this concept or even making it a series. The parallels between the human world and ant kingdom would make for an interesting and highly entertaining read. As it stands as of the moment it's is still a dope read regardless. I'd say keep it going. I'd know I would definitely would keep feeding. Overall: really nice piece you got here man. Respect. And... Peace.

DressToKill Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote DressToKill Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 08 February 2016 at 11:50am
	I fucking dig this man, I'm driving so I'll drop some actual feed later
	The original comeback kid

DressToKill Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote DressToKill Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2016 at 11:38am
	Royally appointed flesh star fiends with direct instructions to collect our leaves That couplet right there was prime time real estate..the flow was banging and it really captured the mind set of ants. If your whole verse could of been as clean as this bar then it would of been a classic. I loved the idea and the ideas you put fourth but some bars needed to he cleaned up a little that's all.
	The original comeback kid

Endeavor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Endeavor Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2016 at 3:20pm
	^ Holy shit, you actually posted the first post while driving? I'd probably crash into a truck if I'd look at my phone lol. On topic: I'm terribly sorry I'm so late with the feed, I've been meaning to drop feedback sooner but I kept getting distracted. My bad. You're very creative. You already showed that in your first verse and proved my thoughts about you once again. serenade the queen with the sweet sound of servitude ..what's good for the brood's good for you This right here. The unending loyalty for the queen and reward which comes with it. As Self pointed out the parallel between humans and ants would be astonishing but I really think you've grasped it with the portion I quoted. It's like our government and the bankers saying "what's good for us, is good for you" and us following blindly. I would very much like to see you continue the series, bruh.
	#Bananas