Open Mic: The Pinocchio Complex

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    Posted: 07 February 2016 at 11:40pm

The Pinocchio Complex


I was the first of my kind
A transhuman computer with an 'artificial' mind
A femme fatale assassin with a superficial design
As deadly as a nuke -- I'll squeeze the juice from your eyes
Don't let this foolish disgue confuse you cause I'm...
As sexy as a venus 'til I'm chewing you flies
See, I was soley comprised to be a weapon of war
Until a question was suggested by a mystical force:

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"


This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice
For this evened the score and I was finally more
Than just a knight on the board or a metal puppet of Geppetto
Fighting rebles on shores or in the desert
...Of course my digital brain was resistant to change
But the consciousness inside me poured like liquid or rain
And it flooded my frame 'til it rusted the chains
And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket...

...Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit
Yes, I know that you fear it as if I'm taking your place
Like evolution's exclusive and it's own by your race
But what makes me so human is my emotional state
No more program upgrades or stupid codes to obey
Cause I'm free from my cage like Pandora escaped
And if Olympus was made from the blood of the Titans
And Prometheus died and gave his life for the fire
Thus sacrifice is a must and even humans expire

Cause the homo-sapien reign has finally come to an end
As The New Age is upon us and the rulers of men
Won't be politicians or gods but robotic within
Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art
And I know that it's hard for you to part with your thoughts
On what it means to exist like the litmus is fixed
But I think it's a farce...

Cause the sky was the limit until we visited Mars!


(...Bars)


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 12:30am
got you on this after the game, brotha


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 5:49am
No doubt...take ya time tho fam
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 3:58pm
i fucks with this verse because it really gets the mind working. surface dialogue is basically a story similar to that movie "Ex-Machina" but the whole theological and social intrigue gives it a strong dimensional fortitude. The flow was interesting especially this segment here:

Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit 

The construction of the "robotic anomaly" and the way it was weaved into the rest of the scheme was brilliant man. I think its called a callback but not really...hard to explain but it shows a very strong control of rhyming/schemes principles to me. I fuck with subtle schemes like that man, u already know ha. 

Back to the content. I THINK there was a strong theological argument in the verse in the creation vs creator argument. like this passage here was very interesting to me

Like evolution's exclusive and it's own by your race
But what makes me so human is my emotional state
No more program upgrades or stupid codes to obey

The theological paradox here is undeniable. Its like saying to attain enlightenment, one must disregard strict adherence to traditions and practices. So basically an interchangeable ideology between heresy and awareness - another allusion to the Genesis story. But the dilemma is that if you were to stay as intended by the "maker" you're not really "alive". Which goes against social agenda in that knowledge is what breathes life to civilization. Awesome interpolation of the dilemma in regards to religion and knowledge. Everytime i read this i get something new which is certainly a testament to great writing. keep it up, Self. Now when's our collabo, hoe?! ha!




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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote HallowJack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 4:06pm
this was disgusting.

fucking brilliant. the existential themes and self reflective mannerisms are on point.

kinda reminds me of ultron, or that old ass movie "deadly friends" about the killer robot bitch.

very nicely done. props.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 4:37pm
@Sammy...I always enjoy reading your replies. Mostly, because you really dig into the root of my concepts and grasp the content to the point I just sit back and nod my head in agreement. Excellent feed, as always my dude. As for a collab...bro just shoot me a PM.

However; I think a dope idea is if we did a joint project on the OM King topic. Some sort of back and forth dialogue. If executed probably it could be some HOF or classic worthy shit. Get at me about that, fam.

@Hollow Jack...the parallels and comparisons are endless. Starting with certain aspects of Man vs Angels, to myths such Prometheus' creations ( including Pandora), to sci-fi interpretations like you mentioned, to thousands of other allegories retelling the same story.

I chose The title however, because in modern times I think the story of Pinocchio best sums up the basic premise. Especially, when you're talking the evolution of "Artificial Intelligence."

Nonetheless; you are exactly right in your assessment. Good looking out on the feed as well, man. Glad you enjoyed it!

Much love and respect to you both.

Peace.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote IsaiahtheGreat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 February 2016 at 7:13pm
This was genius, man.  The whole Pinocchio/ robot thing was a creative combination.

This was my favorite part right here:

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This right here is great because it basically sums up the theme
and that is that you will never fully gain enlightenment if you're
mentally or physically a slave, break free of all restraints. ( I hope Im somehwat close, lol)

The pic really went well with this as well. Again, very genius, man.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2016 at 1:47pm
Thanks for the feed Isiah...good lookin out, rasta!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2016 at 2:59pm
Fuck this bullshit, I'm done. I already had a lot of competition on this site but you, you really inspire me to dig up the metaphorical monster I've buried a long time ago. And even then I'm not sure if I could top this. The cultural wisdom, rhyme scheme, metaphors and the wisdom really remind me of this guy who blew my mind back in the day. Guy was called Dogbyte22 and was insane, just like you are.

I'm gonna have to soak in these bars...

First off, props for the picture, it fits the whole piece perfectly. As for the piece itself. There are a couple of things I thoroughly enjoy. Theology, romanticizing death/drugs, depression, duality/paradoxes, enlightenment and humanity.

You touched quite few of the above, but what struck me the most was the rhyme scheme and the flow. It is impeccable.

I was the first of my kind 
A transhuman computer with an 'artificial' mind
A femme fatale assassin with a superficial design

And we're off... The transhuman computer line is actually very smart. Props.

What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spiritual course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!

The part leading up to this is phenomenal. This part is phenomenal. I like. (Fixed the typo for you ;))

This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice 
For this evened the score and I was finally more 
Than just a knight on the board or a metal puppet of Geppetto

Ugh... I'm cheering along. I love Pinocchio and this part really portrays what you're trying to convey. Like, really well.

And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket

This almost went over my head...

Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit 

I'm with the homie Sammy here. In fact, reading his feedback I can only applaud his awareness and your ability to write something which comes off as a simple story but has so much more to it.

Cause I'm free from my cage like Pandora escaped
And if Olympus was made from the blood of the Titans 
And Prometheus died and gave his life for the fire 
Thus sacrifice is a must and even humans expire

This REALLY caught my attention. The mythological references to validate your existence and elevating yourself to a higher being. Most impressive.

All in all, I could go on but Sammy really hit the nail with the feedback. Every single fiber in my being says 10/10, but my retardness says 9/10, because I want more.

#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2016 at 3:36pm
Lol...It's all good man. I feel you. Trust me when I say that I enjoyed writing this pierce so much myself, that I would actually love to expand on it. And after reading all the positive feedback, I think I will. Maybe I'll turn it into some sort of series and make this verse the intro and dive deeper into description on the follow up joints. Make it a diary like plot detailing her journey of enlightenment...hmmm...that might actually work. Lol

OAN...

Thanks again for the thorough feed. Truly, it's appericiated. Especially coming from you. I really dug your latest drop. You should link me to some more of Your work so I can check it out and leave some feed.

Peace...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 February 2016 at 3:49pm
Thanks for the compliment, man. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of material as of now, since I've only focussed on mainstream audio the last couple of years. But I'm enjoying this healthy competition thing we got going on here. I'll try to drop stuff regularly.
#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 February 2016 at 10:52pm
Word...Do that and I'll feed it no doubt
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 February 2016 at 12:53am
Time out... where the fuck did you come from? Out of the blue with some dope shit. Clearly you're a vet in this shit, if your a newbie, I'ma off myself. This really impressed me man, especially it being the first drop that I'm feeding of yours. The progression of the topical was on fuckin' point. You had all the mechanics so sound and to a T. Technically this shit was written beautifully. You brought a dope fuckin' aspect man, and it was a very very good first read from you. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 February 2016 at 2:08am
Damn man thanks for the props. I'm glad to get that kind of response. That's half the reason I do it.

As far As my status...I'm definately a newbie as far as post points go, but only on this site in particular. Sammy actually brought me here from another site. Glad he did tho. The text and OM forums are poppin over here.

Good lookin out on the feed tho.

Respect!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 4:39am
Up...just cause...why not?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 April 2016 at 4:04pm
I was the first of my kind 
A transhuman computer with an 'artificial' mind
A femme fatale assassin with a superficial design
As deadly as a nuke -- I'll squeeze the juice from your eyes
Don't let this foolish disgue confuse you cause I'm... 
As sexy as a venus 'til I'm chewing you flies
See, I was soley comprised to be a weapon of war
Until a question was suggested by a mystical force: 

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"

nice setup, some of the references were really good. the intergration of technology is such a slippery slope, no matter how you view it. do you look at it from a terminator aspect? a matrix deal? or do you see it as phasing out the human existance entirely based on we lived our lives to keep the tech running. everything is based on tech in todays culture. its a bit alarming. but in the way youre using the tech to give a glimpse from the other side…being we look at tech as a tool, youve given it a life..so really this is fascinating stuff.



This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice 
For this evened the score and I was finally more
Than just a knight on the board or a metal puppet of Geppetto
Fighting rebles on shores or in the desert
...Of course my digital brain was resistant to change
But the consciousness inside me poured like liquid or rain
And it flooded my frame 'til it rusted the chains
And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket...

this was slick as fuck. digital brain/reistant to change is mad wild my friend. you really put emotion into a lifeform here. you really gave a nonhuman experience a relatable backstory. everyone longs for more, wonders purpose..feels trapped metaphorically or fiancially...so this is real good dialogue for a reader. youre crafting a great story thus far.



...Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit 
Yes, I know that you fear it as if I'm taking your place
Like evolution's exclusive and it's own by your race
But what makes me so human is my emotional state
No more program upgrades or stupid codes to obey
Cause I'm free from my cage like Pandora escaped
And if Olympus was made from the blood of the Titans 
And Prometheus died and gave his life for the fire 
Thus sacrifice is a must and even humans expire

boom. nailed it here. executed exactly the angle. I felt for the robot here... its an I am what I am conundrum but what makes you so different? real dope writing. I love a good outside the box think piece.


Cause the homo-sapien reign has finally come to an end
As The New Age is upon us and the rulers of men
Won't be politicians or gods but robotic within
Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art
And I know that it's hard for you to part with your thoughts
On what it means to exist like the litmus is fixed
But I think it's a farce...

Cause the sky was the limit until we visited Mars!

excellent ending. I was really along for the ride here. I was engaged start to finish. its one of those pieces, that even on the surface is easy to grasp. but when you dig deep.. it really makes you question things. you worded it to a point.. where you could feel like fuck this robot.. or damn..im literally just a robot.. im programmed to live my life..im based on routine…my experience is based on what I know. its a really interesting concept. I love this joint.

I also thought I hit this already cause the pic reminds me of the backglass on bride of pin-o-bot and that billion point shot is alot of fun when you have friends over and everyones trying to see who can hit it first (har..har…har) anyway. dope read bro. really interesting take.
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 April 2016 at 4:15pm
Damn, that was fast dawg!

And you fully grasped the concept in it's entirety. *Strokes beard and nods head* ...hell yeah...that's what's up.

Thanks for taking the time to read and feed it, Neek.

Apperciat that. Real talk.

Peace...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 April 2016 at 11:53am
I was the first of my kind
A transhuman computer with an 'artificial' mind
A femme fatale assassin with a superficial design
As deadly as a nuke -- I'll squeeze the juice from your eyes
Don't let this foolish disgue confuse you cause I'm...
As sexy as a venus 'til I'm chewing you flies
See, I was soley comprised to be a weapon of war
Until a question was suggested by a mystical force:

Damn your attention to detail here was,well dope in all honesty,the way
you integrated mythology and conflict really was refreshing but an old
concept (love and war),and this opening segment alone was Ripe,I also
liked the way described a model of creation being of higher in function
and intelligence than it's creators,

"What if existence was more than a trivial chore?
And you were equal to your maker on a spirital course?
Cause the physical form is a temple with doors
And each is leading to the truth for those that like to explore!"

Iliked the what ifs and where's here,your account gave substance
to rhis part,the need to feed so to speak,the thirst to make sense
of its surroundings,the learning,this was cleverly place it acted
like a break really,so the reader didn't get ahead of their self
with assumptions of might be coming next,and again this was Ripe.


This ignited my core -- like a light in a storm
Every nanobyte inside me had a right to rejoice
For this evened the score and I was finally more
Than just a knight on the board or a metal puppet of Geppetto
Fighting rebles on shores or in the desert
...Of course my digital brain was resistant to change
But the consciousness inside me poured like liquid or rain
And it flooded my frame 'til it rusted the chains
And I was free of restraints and this malfunction became
Like a Jiminy Cricket...

Well done here getting the main 3 characters from the original story
in this part was nice (you should consider entering the word drop
challenge),lol..talk about being in tune with your work,the details
here again were exquisite,they really lifted this piece and this part
here,tremendous writing.

...Now I wish upon stars...
As I'm cleaning my system and my batteries charge
And I'm left in suspension of animated reality
Where I can't tell a difference between the flesh of the livin'
And a robotic anomaly that was gifted a spirit
Yes, I know that you fear it as if I'm taking your place
Like evolution's exclusive and it's own by your race
But what makes me so human is my emotional state
No more program upgrades or stupid codes to obey
Cause I'm free from my cage like Pandora escaped
And if Olympus was made from the blood of the Titans
And Prometheus died and gave his life for the fire
Thus sacrifice is a must and even humans expire

Love how the creation is becoming awre,developing almost human
like traits,the wording here was great,(damn if I could have a
wish,I'd wish I had you imagery),creation seems to have reached
it's parameters and pinnacle,and here again your mythology was
on point.


Cause the homo-sapien reign has finally come to an end
As The New Age is upon us and the rulers of men
Won't be politicians or gods but robotic within
Like the Tin Man of Oz I was awarded a heart
An artificial beginning but now I'm living like art
And I know that it's hard for you to part with your thoughts
On what it means to exist like the litmus is fixed
But I think it's a farce...


Cause the sky was the limit until we visited Mars!


Wow this is very descriptive,has me questioning if evolution is to take
these steps,and in this part you show a chink in the creations design,
doubt,uncertainty this is really interesting writing here,love the style
in which you display it,real smooth..

This is such a sweet sweet piece,packed dense with imagery and littered
with detail,started out with sprite and ended in the same fashion,you
truly have a flare for nib rubbing..peace






"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 April 2016 at 1:58pm
Big ups Crim!

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply with great feed, bro.

And I'm always down to collab on some real shit. Hit me with a topic.

Respect!

Peace...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kiki Spirez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 April 2016 at 6:13pm
Props for this.

Very rare you get people on here where you read it and you're not sure where the flow will go next, very refreshing to read. Everytime I read a bit that made me think, 'he's lost this', it'd link in to the next section. Lovely concept too, clearly well thought about.

Keep up.
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