Open Mic: The Spill of Sorrow

Your mechanics are always top notch. Impressive, but expected. However, what really makes this piece stand out is the little things. The details. The tiny ones like the stench of liquor, the skid, and the lone shoe. They (as well as others) we're highly visual and added depth and dimension to your story. If you consistently write like this in the tourney I'm not sure anyone will be able to beat you. This was next level stuff, bro. Quick, intense, and a thrill of a read. Peace...

A long pull on a cigarette I notice the heat brightens

The oxygen fueling the fire as it breathes lifeless 

"I need to get to her"... lungs heavy with cloudy smoke 

My eyes are weary driving alone down a county road

Feeling the slight burn as my thumb & finger flick

My addiction out the window elsewhere in the winter wind

Reaching for another desperate sip from my whiskey jar

The stench is so thick it could clear out fifty bars

(real nice poetry here,via details I got a clear scene of your projected imagery,seems
like your on a road to ruin,heavy smoking/drinking,plus the fact all whilst driving,the wording was smooth to as this just read with ease,also the matter presented in this
segment just set the tone well, yep I'm liking it..)


But it's needed to numb the pain.

Drank about a drum of grain to the point that it doesn't take

A genius to know that alcohol is what pumps my veins

"I need to get to her"... wiping away the residue in my beard

Using my knee to steer & hold the direction in the clear

(not only are you driven by your knees (lol ,but by a want a deep desire for this girl,
and the description of alcohol in this segment was a solid word/choice (grain),you
know it's the little things that go unnoticed that make a verse go from good to ripe,
and here their playing their part as if yet,I'm feeling sorry for this guy,as he seems to
be spiralling out of control via his powerful Lust & need, I'm hooked now..)


Her car peaks over the horizon reminiscent of her as a toddler

As I approach it looks the wreckage was submissive to a monster

Smashing the brake pedal with the force of a thousand men

The wheels lock & the car skids to a howling end

Scrambling for the latch my vision is blurry & foggy

Falling out to the pavement barely standing dirty & groggy 

Stumbling & shuffling, slurring my daughters name

"Delaney... Delan...daddy's here babe"

(excellent,the scene was described with some sprite and vivid imagery,up until this
point I thought the girl was an x-partner,not your daughter,now I picture the man's
emotions deeper,I happy you went this route really,as now it's subject matter is fresh
and diverse,had it been about a partner,it would of been in the foot prints of 99.9% of
pieces about love,so props there,this is a well crafted verses,more in the poetry sense
than in complexity and by going this route will appeal to more readers,yep I'm loving your command for depiction here..)


In the distance lay a shoe that I need to examine so I stagger

To see the blood covered the color like the sheet on a cadaver

In a blink, I find her phone but the screen isn't shattered

Locked with a picture of my grandson beaming with laughter

"Delaney... Delaney..." whirling around, there she is

My beautiful baby girl laying in the twigs

The shriek that I bellowed echoed on for miles 

Sobbing as I hold her cold head as I dial

9...1...1...

Tragically my eyes drag back to my truck

The front is completely demolished & crushed 

I look her, at her car, again to my truck

Adding up the possibilities & I'm stuck

"911 what's your emergency"

Stroking her face as my tears spill like my liquor

Did earlier that night when I killed & hit her


"...sir what is your emergency..."

"hello? sir?..."

(wow powerful shit,a truely believable scenario that captured all the right emotions
one would expect in that circumstance,and that simile about the sheet/cadaver was
fucking ripe!,damn even the ending was solid and enduring,if there's one thing that I
would of liked here,it would of been some info about their relationship,I mean you
added heaps of detail,although so why leave out the whole reason for the man's
determination,but with that typed,it didn't effect this verse still in anyway,just me being
greedy wanting more,as I still got a real kick out of this drop on reading,tremendous
writing thanks for sharing,your an alias I actively seek out to read, and keep doing that
nib rub..).peace.

This definitely deserves more feed. 

yes homie this is exactly what I was talking about! Expand ya topical imagination!.  

Consistent throughout the entire piece again ideas seem on the right place some multies sounded a lil forced. Over all very good job nice content to keep readers interested... check mines