Open Mic: The Warrior

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    Posted: 10 December 2016 at 4:59pm
The Warrior

Two warriors on a field...
In the distance, the sun shone; lapsing into weathered expanse
The calm cerulean recall a moment - lost in a trance...


*1 year ago*
It was a journey, a rite all warriors embraced
From land to land, Kwok Chang carve his niche with sharp focus and blades
Objective? Discerning “Do’s” and “Don’ts”; Techniques of the trade
Parlaying three kingdoms. He seeked wisdom; Piquing interest and change...

“Choose your weapon, son” on many a days, such haste precedes suicide
But Kwok Chang observed as Rev Knot began to move and glide…


Eastern Kingdom: Rapbattles
It was all a blur! A land of giants.
Pillars of warriors past littered as time pilfered the science
History rooted, to form a blossoming canopy
Murals of legends stood contending; barrages of savage schemes
He engaged and observed their intricate ways; it was certain
The arrangements; a focus on rhythm and pace; it was urgent!
A storm of swordplay. Morphed and maim; coursing his veins
concisely rendering a swordsman fate or blade of a surgeon
He was craving more. As one path ends, another begin
On his bamboo raft he set-sailed for a crashing descent

It's a battle of attrition. Chess and checker.
Feining. Pacing. Aiming. Spacing as metal presses....


Western Kingdom: Rap-Royalty
Armed but not ready, though persistent, he traced
The atmosphere; it was unique. Not just the system per se
but every art tells a story; it's the picture u paint
In the western Kingdom, practitioners engage the inner senses
through metaphors and similes, manipulating the essence
Poetic sensibility grew until he knew of its presence
Wordplays and Metaphors were “Chi” affecting inner ravines
an idea within an idea - if one don't skim through the message:

Summer sun, appearing through the wind.
Those eyes...
Some are sons; peering through the window.
Sighs...

He'd studied Ghosts in the ether of heartened past
An Idealizt,
he knew imitation was Key to Walking the path
Yet...all path must continue.
Against the cool autumn foliage
Kwok Chang, with his liquid sword, journeyed another fantastic voyage.

Southern Kingdom: Lyrical Assault
Behind the confine of the southern shore,
Chang reside in a shanty high up on Lover’s Gorge
rocky exterior coursing the orifice
Echos of swords and sticks was but a warning.
“Follow the law or split.”
The kingdom consisted of houses
where rival warlords sits
House of Elision. House Empire and House of Syndicates.
A treaty exists between territories
A thin Versailles as none would shy from
Spinning kicks
It was an inner glimpse of a macrocosm of order that exists
Not by way of swinging fists
But, rather, “give and get”
It is there that he cultivated the martial ways
Harnessing shades of logics.
As days concocts arrays of optimal layers
He’d often embrace the awesome intangible features
Organization and diplomacy
A skilled warrior wins through techniques
A master wins without moving his feet.

As two warriors collide, the sun bathe the field
There's a psychology to battles
Just as the sunlight bends and crimp to fit a crevice
In the end, winners are made NOT from techniques,
but by upholding a message.

As the dust settles, only one warrior stood.
The spoil goes to he who gave all...all that he could.








Edited by Sammy - 10 December 2016 at 5:06pm


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 8:08pm
The was the coolest OM I've read in a really really long time. Years. Conceptually out of this world, 3 sites into 3 nations, then you wrote in a style general to each those sites while describing them before going fucking off in the LA portion. I don't think the scheme you used in the intro did a good job to engage. It wasn't 'fun' enough or something I dunno. But as soon as the meat of the verse kicked in I was hooked. Really impressive work

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 10:15pm
Thank you, boss. Appreciate the words.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Nigma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 10:45pm
No doubt. Peep crew form

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 11:47pm
Originally posted by Nigma Nigma wrote:

I don't think the scheme you used in the intro did a good job to engage. It wasn't 'fun' enough or something I dunno. But as soon as the meat of the verse kicked in I was hooked. Really impressive work


Ah I tried doing this by phone and during editing I might've moved the paragraphs from its original order. After the two warriors on a field line, the next couplet should be the "choose your weapon" couplet. Dammit!

Cuba if U can make the change for me, it would be highly appreciated, sir!



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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 December 2016 at 11:52pm
You already know how I feel about this - it's a truly original approach combined with the right balance of consistency and imagery. I also thoroughly enjoyed the last segment about the 'Southern Kingdom' you included now. And I actually just spotted the Idealizt reference in the RR segment, very intriguingly and elegantly incorporated. Glad you shared this. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 December 2016 at 2:48am
this was a very interesting open mic, different from anything ive read before. I like the progression of focus in flow as the story grows as does the knowledge/skill/technique of the warrior (you in your journey of knowledge).
 
im not familiar with any other sites but I just assue they are sub par lol.  solid job on this, solid imagery, solid story telling. how you tied it all together was nice. I haven't really read much from you, but this was very solid ddrop. keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your drps.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 December 2016 at 8:01pm


Quote Two warriors on a field...
In the distance, the sun shone; lapsing into weathered expanse
The calm cerulean recall a moment - lost in a trance...


The imagery is there -- I can see it. However, the rhythm ... it's kind of lacking. Also, I don't like the word "cerulean". Why? No reason in particular, I just don't like it.

Quote *1 year ago*
It was a journey, a rite all warriors embraced
From land to land, Kwok Chang carve his niche with sharp focus and blades
Objective? Discerning “Do’s” and “Don’ts”; Techniques of the trade
Parlaying three kingdoms. He seeked wisdom; Piquing interest and change...


Okay, nice little exposition.

“Choose your weapon, son” on many a days, such haste precedes suicide
But Kwok Chang observed as Rev Knot began to move and glide…


Love it! I can vividly picture the scenery as well as the movement. Also, as simple as it may seem the word "glide" was used exceptionally here. To me it conjures up the graceful image of a skilled warrior practicing his technique with superb balance and grace.

Quote Eastern Kingdom: Rapbattles
It was all a blur! A land of giants.
Pillars of warriors past littered as time pilfered the science
History rooted, to form a blossoming canopy
Murals of legends stood contending; barrages of savage schemes
He engaged and observed their intricate ways; it was certain
The arrangements; a focus on rhythm and pace; it was urgent!
A storm of swordplay. Morphed and maim; coursing his veins
concisely rendering a swordsman fate or blade of a surgeon
He was craving more. As one path ends, another begin
On his bamboo raft he set-sailed for a crashing descent

It's a battle of attrition. Chess and checker.
Feining. Pacing. Aiming. Spacing as metal presses....


Bro... in a word -- flawless. Literally everything about this section was exceptional.

For starters your flow was as slipper as the midnight floor at Wal-Mart. Your rhythm was incredible. And your depiction of the actual site was not only accurate down to the molecular, but it was one of the most creative things I've ever read on any board I've ever been on.

How you described the writing style and historical significance of RB ... and at the same time morphed it into the fighting style and cityscape of the Eastern Kingdom is nothing short of brilliant.

It works on every level, Sam. And on top of that it's just entertaining asf.

Quote Western Kingdom: Rap-Royalty
Armed but not ready, though persistent, he traced
The atmosphere; it was unique. Not just the system per se
but every art tells a story; it's the picture u paint
In the western Kingdom, practitioners engage the inner senses
through metaphors and similes, manipulating the essence
Poetic sensibility grew until he knew of its presence
Wordplays and Metaphors were “Chi” affecting inner ravines
an idea within an idea - if one don't skim through the message:

Summer sun, appearing through the wind.
Those eyes...
Some are sons; peering through the window.
Sighs...

He'd studied Ghosts in the ether of heartened past
An Idealizt,
he knew imitation was Key to Walking the path
Yet...all path must continue.
Against the cool autumn foliage
Kwok Chang, with his liquid sword, journeyed another fantastic voyage.


Being an active member on both RB & RR I can't stress enough how incredibly accurate your depictions of both sites are. Like at this point it's beyond creative, bro.

RR writing preference is exactly like that. It's more high brow than RB, but tends to lack the rhythm and flow you I'll find on the latter site.

OAN -- your imagery was HD, your word choice was great, and the overall energy was just electric.

Not to mention your wordplay. For instances, the Idea and WK name flips were dope.



Quote Southern Kingdom: Lyrical Assault
Behind the confine of the southern shore,
Chang reside in a shanty high up on Lover’s Gorge
rocky exterior coursing the orifice
Echos of swords and sticks was but a warning.
“Follow the law or split.”
The kingdom consisted of houses
where rival warlords sits
House of Elision. House Empire and House of Syndicates.
A treaty exists between territories
A thin Versailles as none would shy from
Spinning kicks
It was an inner glimpse of a macrocosm of order that exists
Not by way of swinging fists
But, rather, “give and get”
It is there that he cultivated the martial ways
Harnessing shades of logics.
As days concocts arrays of optimal layers
He’d often embrace the awesome intangible features
Organization and diplomacy
A skilled warrior wins through techniques
A master wins without moving his feet.

As two warriors collide, the sun bathe the field
There's a psychology to battles
Just as the sunlight bends and crimp to fit a crevice
In the end, winners are made NOT from techniques,
but by upholding a message.

As the dust settles, only one warrior stood.
The spoil goes to he who gave all...all that he could.


I love how you transitioned from bar-to-bar. Not a stumble or a hiccup. Just clean and clear wording through and through. Also, the incorporation of LA's crews into the narrative was sick. And I loved how you described the atmosphere of the site and the culture it exudes. On LA it's less about beef and more about helping each other grow.

In any case, this was one of the dopest OMs I've ever read. In my opinion it's Classic level writing. Even without knowledge of the sites mentioned or awareness of the wordplay included this piece still reads like an incredible verse just on the surface alone.

You've out done yourself with this one, fam.

Props!







Edited by SELF ACTIVATE - 11 December 2016 at 8:42pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 December 2016 at 12:20am
self, my dude, u are truly a legend. Thanks a million for always giving writers the proper respect they deserve. i look to seeing  new piece from u soon that i may return the courtesy. 

thanks everyone for the kind words 


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