Open Mic: Therapy

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Katalyst View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Katalyst Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Therapy
    Posted: 03 August 2019 at 1:08am
Okay, so I’m new to the site and I dunno if I’m posting this in the right place but I just wanted to post a verse and get some feedback and constructive criticism off a couple members.


Lately struggles in this life have caught up to me
Fought em truly
overcame the darkness it will not consume me
Thoughts have threw me
off the path of rappin' brothers not impressed
And i dont blame em, earth has gotta test
My faith and patience im waitin' pacin' under a lotta stress
Im not up next?
Id go fucking insane yo if i wasn't blessed
With my determination and my drive for rappin'
Those guys who laughin'
Are gunna be risin' clappin'
They shinin' flashin'
My name in lights my hype is massive
Seems like the days i spent locked in just rhymin' practice
Is payin' off i think its about time to cash in
So, ive hit a crossroads, college or music?
I study the greats, take all my notes, pay homage, a student
With knowledge i use it
Serious lyrics not for amusement (No!)
And when times get bad
I pull out my sketch pad
I hit the studio go find a beat and lock the booth
Unload my emotions and feelings and i jot the truth
Im chasin' that top spot, runnin' in hot pursuit
But imagine tryna pop off when you've got no shot too shoot (gunshot)
But i will never stop rappin' till the day im down and out
ive found a route
and now im runnin' circles like a roundabout
They boutta shout
but i dont fuckin' listen When they soundin' proud
about the fact that they be howling doubt
towards me i just drown em out
Yeah, uh, yo, yeah
Ive battled demons you only see in your fucking nightmares
Itd leave you lookin quite scared
If you seen the extent of the shit that goes on in my head
And everybody got some fucking problems till their dead
So i just kill my targets off em
with the verbal murder ease the pain but how you gunna fight your demons when your the darkest of em
Its Katalyst, whats happenin'?

Let me know what y’all think
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Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 August 2019 at 2:18am
This was the right place to drop. Remember you're likely to get more feed if you feed others first

Flow felt off in quite a few places, especially early, but mostly everything after the "jot the truth" multi scheme sounded slick. Wasn't feeling the other multies as often it seemed like there was too many words without a rhyme.

Otherwise a very relatable piece. nice intro, welcome to the site. 
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Katalyst View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Katalyst Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 August 2019 at 9:56am
Thank you for the feedback bro, I’m constantly tryna improve and this is one of the first things I’ve ever wrote, so to get feedback from someone who knows what they’re talking about rather than people who know me is much appreciated. Il be sure to improve as time goes on, thanks again
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alicewonder View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 August 2019 at 2:54am
This was nice as a intro. It didn’t seem like your flow fell off in the beginning to me, it could be more a formatting issue as it actually read smoothly for me. Really liked your approach in the beginning. You had a somewhat ‘typical’ approach which can be still nice given the topic you chose, and I appreciate the positive/reflective tone in your first few sections. After the ‘booth’ part your schemes and content seemed more random, like in the shoot/pursuit lines. It’d be also nice to see some more creative comparison than the obvious ones, like the roundabout part. Overall I liked parts of this and it’s definitely nice for what it is. Hope to read more.
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Katalyst View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Katalyst Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 August 2019 at 9:26am
Thank you Alice, much appreciated. Il be sure to try and improve with the next things I post, and all feedback is amazing to me coz I never really had people who know rap who could've give me feedback so I appreciate everyone’s feed Thank you for the constructive criticism fam
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