Open Mic: Final Fantasy.

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    Posted: 13 January 2008 at 5:10pm

 

 
Hence Was A Village Of Gnomes..
Not To Far Off The Mountains..
Where Griffins Wandered The CLouds And,Trickles Of Sugar Water Echoed Off Of The Fountains..
Children Would Shout Uproarious With Joy And Excitement..
For The Sun Brought Happiness Forth..While The Poison Subsided..
There Was A Dwarf Who Cried In A High Pitch Later To Be Hoisted In Silence..
Not A Soul Could Point Out The Tyrant..So They Kept Their Poise Till Horizons
Filled The Skys With Pigment Blobs..While The Soil Grew Moist As Their Eyes Dripped..
With Tears Full Of Sorrow..They Prayed And Hoped God's Own Voice Could Find Him..
Unsure He'd Be Left Ashore On An Island..Where He'd Rely On A Talking Oyster For Guidance..
Of Course He was Frightened..Him Being A Child In Worry
The First Thought Was To Burst Off Through The Jungle Out In A Hurry..
Until The Empyrean Became Cloudy And Blurry..The Oyster Shouted In Rage..!
"Littlelun..Wheres A Boy Like You Off To With So Much Energy?",Think Your Bound To Escape?..
"Dear Child The Only Way For You To Return Home With Strands Of Evolution.."
"Is To Retrieve These Items On My Sinched Record Viewing ..Holding Dynamic Retribution"
You must Bring Forth The Head of Lochness,And Tail Of A Shark..
"An Eye Of A Giant Squid..Then Indeed Your Trail Will Be Marked"..
Unsure Of Caution The Eager Boy Sat There For Days..
Creating Net Traps.. Harpoon Daggers..From Mere Tree Branches And Canes..!
Believing This Animal..The Dwarf Bolted Straight Towards The Sea..
Surfing Waves While The Breeze Shifted His Board That Was Made Out Of Leaves..
.. Soaring Out The Water A Shark Had Appeared..!
..Quickly! He Shredded The Body Parts In One Clear Swipe Across It's Heart Without Fear..
Then A Massive Squid Shuttled..Exposing Subtle Vex..
The Boy Swung His Edge!..Peeling The It's Eye Covering Back,Leaving Clumps Of Flesh..!
As His Face Sparkled With Tears..But That Wouldnt Cease The Approach..
So He Ignored The Gore..And Kept Paddling..Making A Slow Proceed Towards The Coast..
There Cloaked In The Shadows Lied A Face So Placid
It Surged A Violent Rush Then Silence Struck .. As Mild Must Drew Through His Nasal Passage..
Speaking To Himself He Yelled "Faster!" Hoping Rapid Strokes Would Improve..
Overall Range Determined Between Himself And The Zone Of The Brute..
The Lochness Followed..Until The Path Led Him Home..
And Changed Enhance His Community By Completing The Task Of The Poem..
Finally Life Was Back To Normal..Many Smiles Were Totalled..Most Abided Sorrow
Families Settled Down ..Enjoying Their Lives As Mortals
But As Soon As Their Minds Could Port To That Life In First Rate
The Sky Turned Gray..Decline ?In Their Day Was Seemed Nothing Like An Earthquake
Wiffing The Fragrance Of Water..Communities Visualized The Oceans Tide As Their Fate
Presenting The Brine Of Their Days...As Land Level Was SLightly Decreasing
Noones Mind Could Believe That They'd Be Drowned For Eternity
Especially ELijah's After Defeating The Most Vigorous Scoundrels Of A Murderous Sea
All Oxygen Had Been Abolished From The Seahorses And People Facing Trouble.
Arena's,Parks,Schools..Hell Even Churches Had Disipated To Rubble..
The Oyster Ridiculed.."How Clever!..The Silly Boy Intended For His Community To Have A "Deep Image Free Of Antics.".
"But Becareful What You Wish For"...."Now I Shall Name This Borough The City Of Atlantis!"..
 
 
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Hybrid. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hybrid. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 January 2008 at 9:38pm
hmmm no feed huh?
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iCeZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iCeZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2008 at 3:31am
dude thats was pretty dope.... flow was nice thoughout.... story was well told... nice read.
 
 
... some lines were alittle long, prehaps shortening them up abit would make the flow top class... 
 
 
 


Edited by iCeZ - 15 January 2008 at 3:33am
Ice they need time to translate it, That why U let kids down
So ya'll should go read my 08 shit, maybe U'll get it now
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2008 at 2:20pm
agree that this was good...but flow wise you have alot of work to do...due to the longer lines, i didnt enjoy readin this...You definately know what your doing, but could use a bit of work perfecting it...the flow was my only problem with this, multis were consistently good, vocab and all...

Join a crew, Dependin on who ya join, they should help you fix the minor cosmetic stuff and help u elevate into a decent head...
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Hybrid. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hybrid. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2008 at 5:30pm
no doubt thanx for the feed man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2008 at 5:40pm
Not my style of writing personally..but the multies were hot the the story was told well..I agree with everyone about the stretched lines bit..shorten it up and it will enhance your flow..but other than that good job
The original comeback kid
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hybrid. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 January 2008 at 4:05pm
thanks for the feed tho people
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Hybrid. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2008 at 3:39am
anymore feed..?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Point Blank Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2008 at 9:14am
This was hot, no doubt. Good multies, nice vocab, just gotta work on ya flow. BTW, you reallly shouldn't be uppin your old verses lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote X-ACTO Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2008 at 9:55pm

Yeah That Shit Was Dope. Props At The Highest!

You Overdid It Homes--
You In The Danger Zone--
You Shouldnt Be Alone--
--Notorious B.I.G
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