Open Mic: for asylum

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DDD View Drop Down
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    Posted: 04 May 2008 at 9:55pm
yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/
talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/
yo you most be on crack and when you spit there's no claps/
i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/
i'm gonna eat you for a snack why cause your rap is crap/
keep yo mind on track if you don't wanna get slapped/
i've cut you to much slack i'm about to blow you off the map/
cut all that yack i'll ignore you like stupid apps/
hit me up

DDD
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G-Pfeif View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote G-Pfeif Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2008 at 11:31pm
the simplicity of your rhymes amuses me....

luckily for me, i was never this terrible, so I have no problem making fun of you...

quit now... youre embarrasing yourself
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/G-Pfeif/SuckaMCTo-DoList.png" />

"I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City"

"Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks"
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Fatal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 12:21am
Whats a "stupid app?"
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Swift Styles View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Swift Styles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:56am
like i said b4.. crack the dictionary or thesaurus... or at least use rhymezone or something.. too basic...
not at all fun to read
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cee-Jay Outlaw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 5:04am
and i thought i was bad when i look back now!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Swift Styles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 10:55am
^your sig is whack...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 11:54am
well u did manage to improve your rhyme scheme a bit

yo you better fall back pretending to be rap/
talkin all that smack shutup and produce yo lines asap/

_____A____A
_____A____A

good now jus change the rhyme word.. try lookin for bigger words.. small word are ez to get thats why these ppl find it basic.. use more like assassinated/fascinated (assas-sin-ated/fas-cin-ated)
... u can look at other ppl spit.. and jus use there rhyme word to get started..
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 1:22pm
Originally posted by G-Pfeif G-Pfeif wrote:

the simplicity of your rhymes amuses me....

luckily for me, i was never this terrible, so I have no problem making fun of you...

quit now... youre embarrasing yourself
 
...^^^^why it gotta be all that???^..did he fuck your girl or sumthin? smh
 
back to DDD
 
i've got a knack tell me when you start so i can take a nap/
 
that was the best line, you need shit like that throughout the whole verse, try to spit something more shocking, try to amuse these dickheads a lil'
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 7:55pm
Chain = Herb - So don't take his opinion
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote hanGing Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 7:57pm
Take his opinion..
(Chains that is)
 
Every opinion is valid.. It's how you take them that counts.
 
(Though ignore Dal.. I do daily)
"Sicker Than Thou"


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 8:31pm
No it aint... Thats just preserving his feelings, You don't get better with people being nice to u, you get better with people being critical of u...

all in all, ram had the best post in this thread, which is terrible :P really tho
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Rameez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 8:37pm
best post.. which is terrible???
well your is shitter than mine so u win :P
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Madeye View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Madeye Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2008 at 9:23pm
Huh ?...
*anyway*
 
Yo, 3D...  when you get to the moments of "closing" your bars, try to get multies at the ends (and all over in yur bars, eventually)....
Like:
.....   ......   .....  .....   .....  Throw you a bar to feed off
.....   ......   .....  .....   .....  Blow me hard, then "clean me off"
 
"mirror-ing" your bars can add complexity and originality to your ish as well...
This makes the rhyme-scheme that much more appealing - and at the same time,
these anal-retentive feeds might subside.  But yeah, like Chain said -
try to spit something to amuse these dickheads a lil'
 
and...  no one makes the A-list in one day.
 
Stay Up, 3D...
 
One ['1]
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Fatal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2008 at 12:27am
Originally posted by Madeye Madeye wrote:

Like:
.....   ......   .....  .....   .....  Throw you a bar to feed off
.....   ......   .....  .....   .....  Blow me hard, then "clean me off"
 
"mirror-ing" your bars can add complexity and originality to your ish as well...
This makes the rhyme-scheme that much more appealing - and at the same time,
these anal-retentive feeds might subside.  But yeah, like Chain said -
try to spit something to amuse these dickheads a lil'
 
and...  no one makes the A-list in one day.
 
Stay Up, 3D...
 
One ['1]
 
What your saying is right, but the example was shit. You tried to do a 7 syllable multie but the rhymes didnt match up! Lol...Ill show you: "THROW You A BAR" and "BLOW Me HARD"...The "blow me hard doesnt match up considering the "throw you a bar" had 4 syllables...Now you can have imperfect multies (which refers to not EVERY word rhyming but the stressed words DO) I bolded the rhymes that you stressed. And they do not match. And since that was fucked, so was the next part: "To FEED OFF" and "Then CLEAN Me OFF"...See what i mean? Your syllables are mismatched. Here's an example of an imperfect multie wit perfect syllables matching up. I'll use your first line:

to THROW you a BAR to FEED OFF
my FLOW is so HARD, you NEED GOD
 
See how the stressed words you used are now matching? Hope this helps out a bit....
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2008 at 4:24am
Originally posted by dalinquent dalinquent wrote:

Chain = Herb - So don't take his opinion
 
wow! .....so i'm a herb now?  lol
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2008 at 5:23am
YEA!!!!!! FUCK YOU GOIN DO ABOUT IT...

J/K
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Madeye Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:02pm
Originally posted by Fatal Fatal wrote:

 
What your saying is right, but the example was shit. You tried to do a 7 syllable multie but the rhymes didnt match up! Lol...Ill show you: "THROW You A BAR" and "BLOW Me HARD"...The "blow me hard doesnt match up considering the "throw you a bar" had 4 syllables...Now you can have imperfect multies (which refers to not EVERY word rhyming but the stressed words DO) I bolded the rhymes that you stressed. And they do not match. And since that was fucked, so was the next part: "To FEED OFF" and "Then CLEAN Me OFF"...See what i mean? Your syllables are mismatched. Here's an example of an imperfect multie wit perfect syllables matching up. I'll use your first line:

to THROW you a BAR to FEED OFF
my FLOW is so HARD, you NEED GOD
 
See how the stressed words you used are now matching? Hope this helps out a bit....
 
My bad...   I stand corrected.  I gave a bad example, and thanx for "clarifying".
Don't get the impression that I didn't know wut I was talking about...  but, yeah...  thanx, Fatal.
Any Path I Take, it's left Ripped Up from the Ground.
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SwordedStylez View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SwordedStylez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:04pm
Wait, was this a try-out or a diss? Either way, you need a bit of work on your stuff DDD, and ignore Dal, he can get a bit pissy when he things someone's trying to insult him....
Music

Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's)
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalinquent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:08pm
i wasn't being pissy, I knew this wasn't a diss, it was a tryout... I was just being critical... tbh the best feedback points out whats done wrong, as oppose to whats done right... hater
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SwordedStylez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2008 at 8:12pm

Ok, so if it's a tryout, I vote "no," even though I know we aitn a democracy oh illustrious Dal-I Lllama...

Music

Ink - Always remembered, never forgotten (as a fake as fuck piece of shit who tried to steal 2 persona's)
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