Forum LockedText Battle Archive: [Topical] DjFlame vs DayDizzle [0-3]

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: [Topical] DjFlame vs DayDizzle [0-3]
    Posted: 03 July 2017 at 4:19pm
32-40 bars

Topic: Being a cuckold

Due at the end of July 7th, EST

Crew votes on, rest house

Understood agreement that winner picks the losers avatar.

Edited by Crimson Juice - 07 July 2017 at 11:00am
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2017 at 6:06pm
She gorgeous, has curves that be enormous
We're horny and her clitoris is slightly porous
 we have normal sex, Missionary conformists
I want to watch her perform acts on men like a whore bitch
I wanna see her choking on a ginormous dick
While I watch her vocal chords get stretched
I want her to take a Black-horned Taurus penis
welp in the corner while she's get corked with semen
makes me smell his dick while I coward in weakness
 pelting her from behind and hes only a quarterly deep in
at least 13 inches of beef and got my wife contorted nd screaming
This scenic porn flick is euphoric as hes deepening
Shes secreting his jizz and im recording this savage beating
She begins squeaking like a pig, torrid thoughts as im weeping
This horrid thot erotic while shes teasing me with her hotness
He whispers in my ear speaking ebonics, "Your Pawg bitch atomic"
"She a bomb bitch choking on my cock till i get her to vomit"
"You fucking slobby prick, lick my balls while your wife gives me a solid"
 makes me put on his used condom and i jerk off while sobbing
fucking to a beat from a song made by Robin Thicke
His name is Dominick,hes dominant with my wife's throbbing clit
This rotten prick got my wife's legs wobbling like she having a seizure
Makes me bite her bottom lip while eats her rotten beaver
She squeezes his girth while she begins to squirt...
He makes me drink it while he continues to please her
sipping on her piss while hes screaming at me "You cum drinking retriever"
While hes pleasing her im weezing in disbelief of this fucking cheater
Puke on my cheeks, i grab the heat and a meat cleaver
Im seeing a sea of blood while jealousy begins to creep worse
i beat his brain in while hes gushing blood by the litres
this fucking slut squealing when i began to beat her
Dominick bleeding out while i rape and teach her
Forced oral down her throat till she stops breathing
Throw their body parts in the freezer while i start cleaning
Grin on my face and a hard on with a gruesome scene and..
Her fucking another man wasnt enough for the pleasing
Now i sleep with her limbs and beat off to it every evening
I now do this twice a week and usually every weekend


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 July 2017 at 1:51am
Open scene: fucking. No penal function due to dopamine rushes
Test out toes and feet; nothing. So a search exposed me to cucking
What's the commotion and ruckus? My wife and I get no frequent touching?
She hopes we would love it. I just hope the throw up holds in my stomach.
She goes for a stud, then hops on our bed, all soggy and wet
Turns out they talked on the net. Made up a safe word; did not give me it.
Sodomy ends. Dick did not even stretch. Thought I had lost her respect.
I thought right. He had gotten her pregnant cuz she did not get a test
Fade to black; a baby's had with her new hubby Jane is glad
Becky. A name that had value to me; for a while I was lazy n sad
Wanted to drive her crazy and mad, started putting tons of dames in the sack.
Turns out her and the baby's dad wind up breaking their pact
Tries taking me back sends her old stud down, stunting the same muscular frame
I ask if my money is saved on that disgusting disgrace or the one she is raising
"She's coming of age. Loves playing games. Your little buddy is safe."

"You mean since I had to provide for half of her life, she's practically mine?"
"Nah, I mean when you're ass of a wife say you ain't the daddy she lied,
She just wanted an Alpha in time to save her kids from a masochist type
Now she's seen you have it alright, you've been in the back of her mind."
Like a faggot, I cried, back to my childhood where mom was shoving in
Someone's dick in her cunt, say "come again" then call him chauvinist
I hate confronting this; it's a concept that all have struggled with:
Why do we hunt women for love within when we could just be fucking tens?
I'll tell you why: my other kid is shook, and she took all the trauma
She's got to look at her father, not someone she mistook for her poppa
One last hook up with Donna (today's pussy of honor) and I'm off to make amends
I almost puke at the thought of hearing what Jane had to say again:
"I won't play pretend the latest men have been rough, the sex abuse
Occurrences are less than few, and they've been touching Becky too!
I would rather spend the few years she's still here cuddling next to you"
Taken advantage of women for years, I loved protecting two
Fast forward forty years, full of tears, and shelling out a college fund
Stories, worries, fears, horny boys were here to date my daughter some
Those broads were fun, but they ain't no life, just part of one
A reflection on my deathbed, plenty of time when fate is almost done
Being eighty's hard as fuck with Parkinson's, they didn't mind my struggle
Cuz Jane and Becky can be heard speaking, albeit quiet, subtle
"If he finds out that kid wasn't his, and that he was lied at double,
I'm in trouble!" That's how I found out I spent my whole life a cuckold



Edited by Rutter knows best - 04 July 2017 at 2:16am
He only here to warn us what the plan is
The hour is upon us, it's bananas
Born alone, die alone, no matter who your man is
Hope he live long enough to tell it to his grandkids
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 July 2017 at 1:37pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


So let's see who did the most whit this freakish topic then..

Dizzle, as per usual some highly questionable lines, like "makes me put on his used condom and i jerk off while sobbing
and "sipping on her piss while hes screaming at me "You cum drinking retriever"" and soo so forth.
Then it devolves to another twisted scenne. 
Now i'm not necessarily against this type of blatant nastyness, I mean it's occasionally funny indeed.
However, I feel like you're taking the easy road here, I think if you set the bar for yourself a little
higher you could have written a more intricate story here. Perhaps you didn't feel your opponent was worth 
the time to do it, but still I think it's time you advanced further, cos you got the technical skills.
Given the smooth flow it was a comfortable read, that's always a plus.


Flamer, unlike dizzle your it seems yoru intepreation had great ambition, or a more complicated 
story at least. I can feel that, however perhaps you aimed too high.
The narrative was a bit all over the place here, tho you tied it up somehow.
I struggled at first to get your rhyme structure, I found it eventually but did
not appreciate it. This was not a smooth read at all, and thus the story telling aspect suffered from it.
The second part was better, as your rhymes was more concise. Still, I think both parts really 
needed polishing and trimming.

As for the vote, as much as I like Vault Boy Dizzle gets the vote for better overall verse.
More refined flow and not losing focus. I will say however that both could have taken more time
to improve their verses, you both been around here awhile and should be able to compete with the best at this point.
So take your time and bring your A-game next time. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2017 at 10:58am

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.


Ok although not my cup of tea let's see what you both have here..


Dizzle i found your piece to be like a bag of mixed blessings really,on one hand you
had detail/imagery and emotion popping off,but the actual story line didn't seem to
kick in until the end,this piece had a very spatial effect on reading,although it had a
flow to it,it had a choppy vibe entow too,you managed to catch the depravity well
though, as this did have some cringe moments within as it was graphic in nature,&
to be honest the emotions were lost to an extent due to the contents taking centre
stage,the lust/belittling and jealously took the back seat here when they should of
been in the forefront in my opinion,and revenge is a dish best served cold,so the freezer inclusion for me was cute here..


Dj straight from the off you were building a story line here,i do however feel you over
thought some of your contents though,your first segment nearly lost me at one point
with the (pardon the pun) comings and goings,but you did manage to hold it together
though all be it in a scatty way,your story did have a progression to it also which is a
plus but it did lack in imagery really,it had a depth coupled to it it just wasn't that deep
for me,you seemed to skim rather than dive,besides the imagery the other thing i did
notice what held this back some was your flow,I feel if you had an inner rhyme scheme here or some choice multi's this would of been a half solid verse,coupled with the fact
your line lengths were not terribly long but only rhyming the last word as such also
reduced the tempo and gave a stretched vibe out,still an good read..


Overall i feel DD got this with his imagery/flow,plus to be fair and no offence is meant
here,DD is formidable when it comes to shock and awe,and it is in a loose fashion his
trademark,he well say things what others won't which i respect,Dj your verse wasn't
bad at all,it just for me didn't give out much to a reader except really a story line and
turmoil,still props to both here..


Vote...Dizzle...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,before you can make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 July 2017 at 9:55pm
2-0 Dizz
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2017 at 3:52pm

This vote has been accepted by a moderator.



To start off not a fan of the topic = not a fan of either of the verses either. Or in the words of CJ above this "just isn't my cup of tea". 

Dizz - Kind of had a mixture of sporadic, disgusting imagery throughout your verse that fed off the topic well. Story was a bit meh, didn't have the proper progression and depth to it to make it interesting IMO. The imagery itself could have been a bit better in this piece. More vivid so to speak using better vocabulary and more figurative language to paint the picture. I felt you were a bit repetitive with the violent sexual scenes and the word choices didn't do much for extending the nasty images you were trying to display. All this pretty much was a vile scene using different sexual scenes to fit the description of a cuckold with the added jealously snapping and nasty ending. 

Flame - Your verse was a bit jumpy for me in the aspect of readability. I couldn't really get into the way it the opening scene was written at all. I can't really pin-point a proper word for it. But there's wasn't any depth and it felt like it progressed way to fast within the line. Then majority of the story seemed much like a fillerish plot. The topic tie-in was there but it wasn't a very good one. Imagery and scheme was pretty simple as well as it didn't make up for the narrative flaws. 

MVGT: Dizz - I wasn't a fan of either verse. Flame idk if it was the topic itself or what but this wasn't one of your better pieces written. Neither was it from Dizz either even with this being in his range of topics. What Dizz did have on yours drop was a smoother read and much better imagery, albiet, I thought he could have done much better in that aspect as well with the scene he painted. I preferred Flame's approach in general being aimed towards a more story-based approach, I just feel he failed to delivery in both the story and technical shit.
Go my Minions!


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 July 2017 at 3:52pm
With that it's a 3-0 KO and Dizz picks Flame's Avatar via the rules. 

Being as it's not in the rules of the battle, you two can discuss via PM or separate thread the timeline which the Avy is to stay. 
Go my Minions!


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