Forum LockedText Battle Archive: Topical - Mackie vs. EcK

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Topical - Mackie vs. EcK
    Posted: 09 January 2018 at 12:24am
Topic - time travel
max 40 lines.
I set up, you're up :) 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2018 at 12:32am
check 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:39pm
24 hour agreed upon deadline...3 hour warning.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:43pm
hey Ecks, how you doing? hopefully the new year has been amazing.


heres a tidbit of info. regardless of what you two agreed upon.. the minimum is 48hrs.

site rules:


Site Rules
#Bananas
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2018 at 9:51pm
^ Thanks for the heads up Neek

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 January 2018 at 11:37pm
Well, though site rules are 48 hours, I will stay within the agreed 24 and just drop mine first…

Gonna switch up the tones, breaks, and speed just to twist harder …

 

Mack starin up countin~the~stars like doormen at Grammy~post~parties,

been drownin~in~bars since ladie~posted~at me, toasted, come at me!//

He can’t figure out the why or the what, the whom or the how,

Can’t feel his legs, can’t move his arms, there’s no humor in this now//

He’s relaxed~but~confused, detached~and~defused, frantic~and bruised,

Its like a romantic abuse…

Its traumatic, no clue…

Like his body’s removed, but somehow he’s gone better…improved//

He’s flying now, body unmoved,

And the higher he gets the less he’s bemused//

Lights like Vegas, but the sounds awaits us,

In a slave state, it backdates to past dates, Mackie please report back! Give us your status (State-us)! //

This shit is contagious, complicated and dangerous…yet dangerless,

He’s faceless… ageless, through ages…its just stages//

Of time, through these rhymes, painting pictures forward and rewind,

And finally he arrives to the scene of the crime//

He’s been here before, recognizes the décor,

That man standing, he recalls, is that man he sent for//

Cant make out the words but watches their lips,

And at times it seems like that man has a grip,

On his throat, cutthroat, blood on his trench coat,

Its soaked, that man, please stop! Someone call the townfolk! //

Mack is taken aback in that moment, that celestial globe,

Oh shit! Its Eck! And he’s got Mack’s tem-por-al lobe, he’s starting to have several epi-a-sodes//

The scene suddenly fades from white to gray, gray to black,

Mack’s back at his body, still lifeless, no positive feeback//

The man walks away, his part has concluded,

He’s checked for signs, no pulse and no movement//

A woman arrives several moments later, and by this time Mack’s awaiting his creator,

She calls for help and yells for a savior, Mack dips down one second later,

Her eyes tear up cuz she’s calculated this behavior,

She whispers to herself as if her words were narrated…

“He’s gone”…

And though Mack is watching this all happen from feet above, he still feels emotion, hate, hurt, and love//

Quickly something hits ‘em, it’s a sickness~when~he~heard~her,

Time travels forward AND back when you witness~your~own~murder

//

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 1:09am

The mission

"the mission a code red, its most notable
the rape of a child. just home from school 
he had worn the poorly sawn off skin of the mother
as he broke her too... so.. you know the rules- 
locate the targets, seek and destroy all
by all an any means, enemy means never retreat on recoil
empty the clip, before ripping his teeth, keep em tween foil, 
bury em deep beneath the soil with the mark peekin up.."
  

the jump

sweat beaded up profusely, cascading in waves, 
greasing every crease on that weathered face  
an wettin his chin, he shakes, a tremor set in his limbs, 
his shape faded, evaporating into a million separate things
but he kept his retina's skinned - eyes peeled. while his brain stewed
face stained blue, as he struggles to breath through his inflamed tubes
every metaphysical plane changed for a strange kind of same but new
every atom orchestrating a mass molecular rendition of deja vu
every muscle ached, every tendon strained, heart struggled to liven up
his numb tongue covered in the taste of blood an saliva - drying up...

The Agent

some cunts need killing, its nature
i dunt front, its a villainous day job
i spent the evening decarbonating bones with a razor slick scraper. 
but its all relative, to some kid im basically the saviour. 
never too late take blind shots - theyve never been safer, 
im the timecop, the kind thatll shoot up your neighbour
an say good day to your daughter before the
slimy knob even had the chance to mutilate and rape her.
they say its murder, nah, its a useful euthanasia
people often ask "how'd you shoot stranger?" 
and when i see the mark iv always got the answer,
two in the brain.. but wait... this guys my father...
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2018 at 12:59pm

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ECK i liked your approach here,you had some nice inner rhyme schemes popping
off that kept the flow of this piece at an almost constant,using italics did break it
up some though to be honest,as i got what you was trying to convey and didn't see
the need for them overall as i caught your wordplay,the inclusion of using Mackie
also added an extra layer to this verse too,i found that a clever angle from a readers
point of view,so the topic is time travel,but your drop was more in the vein of astral
projection than a past present and future time traveler,i'm no expert,but my under-
standing is if the body travels so does the spirit,where here you have the 2 entities
apart in places within this verse,i liked your contents and the very strong direction
this piece had also,the only real draw back is this,out of the pool of subject matter
available to you here,you only seemed to skim the surface where imagery/detail is
concerned,yeah you more than made up for it in approach and directness,but imag-
ery goes along way in topical,it lifts a piece up and out at the reader,it gives it some
substance so to type,it was a solid piece and how you closed out was also cool,i did
enjoy this verse even with my gripes still,anyways all in all a real nice read..


Mackie liked the fact you went the route with the aim of building like a kind of rolling
story board vibe here,plus it was laden with some vivid details too,your wording was
also solid as to the placing of them,and it also had a sort of poetic vibe etched within,
that lifted this up and outward to a reader from my prospective,and via the imagery
this drop came off as rich and vibrant read,the progression of this piece was subtle &
cool,a time jumping judge/executioner who is sent to stop the wrongs before they
happen,a loose moral compass here i thought,as the crime your sent back to prevent
hasn't happened from their prospective,and for it to be your father also,so by my own
reckoning you didn't kill him,or that famous paradox would come into play,(how would
you be able to do this if you exsist?,feel free to let me know if the rape took place after
you were born..lol.),yeah I really liked this verse,the fact it forces the reader to think is
a cool inclusion too,good work..

Overall a solid topical battle here,2 very different takes on time travel,both ending in
a death scenario,you both did real well i thought with your offerings,but there has to
be a winner right?,and for me that was Mackie,here's why,i found his tale to be more
engaging and.to my preference on the whole,plus the imagery was a big factor as it
painted a clear picture on reading also,i feel this might be a seesaw event when the
votes come in as it was a close battle really,props to both for enjoyable reads here,
where the pleasure was all mine..

Vote...Mackie..peace.
"There is no meaning to life,just a nature of life"
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 July 2018 at 9:31am

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I thought that vote was a third battler ∆ haha

Aiit Mackie vs Eck time travel verses with Eck up first:

Eck, time travel came up in your last bar, like you forgot it was a topical and threw it in. Stylistically your verse is all over the show with lines of all sorts of different lengths through it, your multies are dope and as a battle verse this shows promise. 

'He’s relaxed~but~confused, detached~and~defused, frantic~and bruised, its like a romantic abuse…

it's traumatic no clue'

This highlit it for me but again it was more battle verse than topical verse so that let it down a lil. Some rhymes aren't as tight as they could be but you're gettin' ideas, stay up

Mackie you'd more of a storyboard with a much stronger focus on the topic so it could be followed like a story being told. Rhymes wise you stringed your multies well through the stanza and your scheme though stretched in parts sat fairly well in the pocket.

Fav part was dese bars:

'but he kept his retina's skinned - eyes peeled. while his brain stewed

face stained blue, as he struggles to breath through his inflamed tubes
every metaphysical plane changed for a strange kind of same but new
every atom orchestrating a mass molecular rendition of deja vu
every muscle ached, every tendon strained, heart struggled to liven up
his numb tongue covered in the taste of blood an saliva - drying up...'

And MVGT Mackie
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2018 at 10:14pm

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Eck.

Not a usual approach to a topical, or not that I've seen. Seems like too much focus on dissing your opponent, I also got the impression of it being a keystyle, and just braggadocio in places, but that said it comes over very nicely done and I enjoyed it muchly, particularly the pace and the depth of rhyme complexity.
But I still wasn't sure if it classed as a topical story until around the tie-up,
but yeah, I'd say it worked. Overall a decent take on the topic.
I'm not sure what~I~think~about~this~shit though, is this the alternative to CAPPING MULTI'S? In which case it certainly detracts from the piece if you have to point out the rhymes.

Mackie.

First impressions of this sectional approach with the headings, was like Pulp Fiction ... "The Gold Watch", "The Bonnie Situation" ... so I'm already excited about this here.
Ok, read it now ... dope throughout.
Consistency of rhyming to equal the other verse, or maybe Eck had the edge there,
But within the framework of a more cohesive story, the rhyming/word choice stood out.
Finished strong with The Agent section, which led to a nice tie-up/twist...
Lowlight ... rhyming 'nature' with 'day job'
Highlight ... the entire rest of that section!

MFVGT ... Mackie


(and that's the KO)
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 August 2018 at 10:23pm
3-0 ko,winner Mackie..
"There is no meaning to life,just a nature of life"
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